***PgAL Check-In***

Mrs Nice

Hello Ladies,Welcome to Thursday PGAL Check-In! I hope I find you all well and positive this week! If you have any questions you would like answered, please don't be shy! You can also ask the PAL ladies. Bake, little buns, bake! How far along are you? What size fruit is your baby this week?Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?QOTW: What is your reaction to ppl who think that this new baby will replace your angel and that you are somehow okay now that you are pregnant again?Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

jbranden12

How far along are you? What size fruit is your baby this week?Coming up on 22 weeks, a big butternut squash.
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?Appointment and growth ultrasound tomorrow. I'm so relieved it's finally here! It's been four weeks since our last one and that was way too long. 
QOTW: What is your reaction to ppl who think that this new baby will replace your angel and that you are somehow okay now that you are pregnant again?I have not had anyone say that to me, thankfully. That is idiotic. However, I bet some people might think it, especially since we are having another girl. 
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?I've had a really rough week at work. We got audited by the state (I work in grants). I have a hard time understanding that not being perfect =/ failure. They found a couple of issues in my grants and I am really beating myself up over it. Nothing I actively did wrong, but mistakes I could/should have caught. A lot of my self worth is wrapped up in what I do and I've always tended to see things in black and white, but it's been worse since Patricia died. (My baby is either alive or dead. I'm either good at my job or I'm not.) I know not to think that way and I'm working on it, but it's hard to believe I can succeed at anything right now, including having a healthy baby.

careyalis

How far along are you? What size fruit is your baby this week? I am 27 weeks 5 days so I am a rutabega turning into an eggplant (little guy was 2lb 9 oz at my ultrasound on Tuesday, so I'm thinking he is a fat eggplant!)
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? I just failed my 1 hour on Tuesday and took my 3 hour yesterday.  Luckily, I passed the 3 hour with flying colors!  I'm getting really close to the gestation that I was when I delivered Avery (31 weeks 3 days) and that is bringing up a lot of bittersweet memories. 
QOTW: What is your reaction to ppl who think that this new baby will replace your angel and that you are somehow okay now that you are pregnant again? Thankfully, no one has said that to me, but my reaction would be majorly pissed off.  I do worry about people thinking that though, whether they voice it or not.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed with life in general right now.  I am looking forward to a relaxing Christmas break away from work, but I am also anxious about spending it without my daughter.

philfemgal

How far along are you? What size fruit is your baby this week?I am 25 weeks tomorrow--so a cantaloupe becoming cauliflower.

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?We have a regular OB appointment on Wednesday.  And actually I think today--Dec. 7th--is one year since we found out that B had died (though it's not the day that B died).  It's sad that I can't even remember.  I think because going into labor with Alice overshadowed the loss of B in being so much more horrible in every way, we haven't even grieved that much for B and don't remember milestones very well.  Although now that I think of it two nights ago I did have a dream that we had twins.  Maybe that was my subconscious thinking about B.
 QOTW: What is your reaction to ppl who think that this new baby will replace your angel and that you are somehow okay now that you are pregnant again? No one has really suggested anything like that to me, though I'm sure some people think it.  I don't really know what I would say.
  Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?I think I have been a little calmer this week than the last few and hoping it lasts, though I'm sure there will be another freak out soon enough.  I've now reached the point where more people at work know I'm pregnant (though I'm still not necessarily showing to people who don't already know.)  We just had our holiday party and I told some folks and word has spread a bit because we've had to plan for my maternity leave already as I'll be teaching college courses that don't end until the end of April so will have people substituting for me.  People were asking questions about whether we found out the sex, and due date, and we I had a few conversations about logistics for leave this week.  It all makes me a little bit nervous--like I'm somehow jinxing things to be actually making plans so far in advance.  I left the party and thought to myself "When did I last feel Ada move?!  What if she's died and there I am talking about the pregnancy like I'm going to actually get a baby."  Thankfully I felt her within a few minutes on my drive home and there is also the doppler when need be!

lrichmond86

How far along are you? What size fruit is your baby this week? We'll be 8 weeks tomorrow, so raspberry
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?Second ultrasound is Monday evening.  Ultrasounds are like a horror show for me because of the way we found out we had lost baby Gary.  In one respect I'm really not looking forward to the anxiety this causes.  On the other hand I can't wait to see that little heart beat again.

QOTW: What is your reaction to ppl who think that this new baby will replace your angel and that you are somehow okay now that you are pregnant again?I try not to let my emotions get the best of me.  I usually just say that we are cautiously optimistic that we'll be taking this baby home with us and that we don't think of it as a replacement, but rather a sibling. 
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Our Angelversary is a week from today.  It's on my mind every second of every day.  I started having daily anxiety attacks December first and, while I know why I'm having them, I can't seem to curb them at all.  Planning for that day reminds me of planning for his funeral and I can barely talk about it without getting choked up.

Lavender&Lillies

How far along are you? What size fruit is your baby this week? 17 weeks 5 days. An onion going on a sweet potato.Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? We have a remembrance ceremony on Monday, my first bereavement counseling appointment on Tuesday and an OB appointment on Thursday. Busy week!QOTW: What is your reaction to ppl who think that this new baby will replace your angel and that you are somehow okay now that you are pregnant again?I  have been pretty clear with my family, friends and co-workers that we are so happy to be pregnant again, but that we are continuing to grieve. Most people are understanding of this. However, there are a few people that act like now that we are pregnant again, we are all better. One lady in particular, who was my substitute teacher when I was on maternity leave after losing Braxton, has said and done some things that make me crazy. She sent me a forward the other day full of pictures of babies with jokes about dirty diapers and getting no sleep, etc. on them. I have still only held or interacted with one baby since we lost Braxton. I am so thankful to be pregnant again and am so looking forward to taking care of this baby, but I am not the person to send a bunch of pictures and jokes about babies. Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Sad that Braxton isn't here for his first Christmas. Nervous about my counseling appointment. Happy to be feeling our new baby moving every day.