***Loss Check-In***

Mrs Nice

Hello Ladies,Welcome to our Thursday Check-In! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?QOTW: What was the worst thing that anyone has said to you after your loss? What was your reaction to them?Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

starburst0928

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Not really, but no steps backwards, so that's good, right? 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I hope to lose 10 pounds this month. That's how much I lost in November. I link it in my head to Bradley so he motivates me. All I want to do is make him a big brother, and I want to be at a healthy weight to do so, so I gotta lose my last 10 pounds of baby weight!

QOTW: What was the worst thing that anyone has said to you after your loss? What was your reaction to them?

That they were jealous of me. They have had 3 M/C and can't get a baby past 9 weeks. I was like, seriously, you're jealous my baby died at 41 weeks? Wow. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Bradley and what he does up in heaven. I'm not sure if you guys remember, but someone posted an article a while ago about the brain surgeon who almost died and thinks he went to heaven... It stirred up some controversy, but at costco this past weekend I saw he released a book about it, so I got it. Interested to see what he says. 

fluttergirlmoonchild79

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?We took a bunch of Corbin's special things and put them in a display case.  We'd been wanting to do it for some time and when we moved it got put in a specially marked box and I haven't really looked at any of the things for 3 months.  It's good to have it out so I can look at it.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Trying to lose weight and TTCAL
QOTW: What was the worst thing that anyone has said to you after your loss? What was your reaction to them?Everything happens for a reason.  I hate this statement. My response is "well, not everything."
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Corbin and how busy we've all of a sudden become.  Trying to be at least kind of in the Christmas spirit this year.  Don't know how well that's working.  Also been thinking a lot about how we only have a small handful of friends who don't have kids and most of them don't live very close to us.  I hate it.

HullGut

Hello everyone- It took me awhile but I finally found the board that I am in need of right now. We lost our son Hunter John on November 9th, 2012 I was 40 weeks 3 days when he was born. I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy and labor until his cord became pinched. He was born after an emergency c section and he was unresponsive. They did bring him back but we had to take to him off the ventilator that afternoon. He lived in our arms for 4 hours after we took him off. It is so hard to wrap my head around this all, but I am doing better.  Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? DH and I went to our first support group last night. I am glad we went it was good for us to see other couples who are going through this but also so sad to know that infant loss is not as uncommon as we thought. What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? My goal is to get through the holidays, as it is no longer "baby's first christmas". I am just trying to take it slow and do what I can to celebrate.  QOTW: What was the worst thing that anyone has said to you after your loss? What was your reaction to them?Everyone has been great to us, and so far that has not happened. I go back to work after the holidays and I am nervous for some comments I may get not people trying to be mean but people being ignorant.  Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?I am trying to look towards the future and when we can start TTC again.  I don't want to sound crazy by saying that because it is so soon after my loss but I cannot wait to do it all over again and have the outcome we were looking forward to.  Having hope and faith is getting me through. 

meli1025

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Not really, I sort of took a few steps back.  Last night I got really upset when the memorial stone place screwed up the sketch of Ava's headstone and now I have to wait even longer for it to be done.  So instead of running on the treadmill like I had planned, I opened a bottle of wine.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself?

Just getting through the holidays.

Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

No real plan, just to keep going to therapy and not fall too far off track with my exercising. 

 QOTW: What was the worst thing that anyone has said to you after your loss?

"It means something was wrong with her".  I HATE that.  There was NOTHING wrong with her, she was perfect.  We have no idea why this happened so don't tell me that something was wrong with my baby.

 What was your reaction to them?

I usually tell them that nothing was wrong with her, that all of her tests came back normal. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

I'm upset that instead of getting her nursery ready, I'm visiting her grave and decorating it with holiday stuff.  I'm just so sad without my baby girl.  I also am thinking a lot about TTC during my next cycle in January and the flood of emotions that will come with it.  Sometimes I think I want to be pregnant again and other times I think it's too soon.

jess123456

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?No, I think I have taken some steps back This week it has been 3 months since my baby girl passed away so that has been really difficult and I have been crying a lot this week.   My best friend was so sweet and got us an ornament with our daughter's name on it. It was so thoughtful but I broke down in tears as soon as I got it. I wish I could be buying my baby Christmas gifts and not putting up an ornament in memory of her. It really stung and haven't had the courage to put it up on the tree just yet. 
We also actually adopted a 4 year old dog this week and we are very excited about it. We didn't get the dog to fill the void but we have always wanted a dog and always have been planners and said that we would have kids for a few years before getting a dog. Us getting a dog is a big step for us because we are finally just doing what we want instead of going along with a "plan" that is very clearly out of our control.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?To continue to eat healthy and work out and to continue to attend a local support group.  We are starting to talk about trying to have another baby sometime early next year. 
QOTW: What was the worst thing that anyone has said to you after your loss? What was your reaction to them?Things happen for a reason. Yuck I really hate that one. I actually yelled at my mom the other day for saying that. I feel guilty because she didn't know better but it really got to me. 
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?We are going away next week for a week in a tropical location. We are so excited to get away and relax. 

tuscanbride2007

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

No. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I have actually been contemplating contacting my SIL. My niece was born about 6 weeks ago and I pretty much ignored her at Thanksgiving. I have been feeling like I need to reach out to her because I could tell that her being a first time mom is a bit overwhelming. I feel like I need to reassure her that she can make it through. Then maybe I can be around my niece.

QOTW: What was the worst thing that anyone has said to you after your loss?

I have been very lucky to have been shielded from any dumb comments. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

TTCAL has been weighing on my mind and of course my Annabelle. I want so bad to have her here for the holidays.

karebear57

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Nope, nothing new.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?Just getting through the holidays.
QOTW: What was the worst thing that anyone has said to you after your loss?
"At least I have kids", "Everything happens for a reason", "Something was wrong with her",  "God had other plans for her". I know there's more I just can't remember. What was your reaction to them?I bit my tongue...something I wouldn't do now though.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Irrational thoughts...the only thing I want for Christmas is Bri. I know I can't get her back but it's the only thing I want and I'm totally drawing a blank on what else I want. Not even another baby, I want Brianna.

Williamandshawnna

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Yes, I finished my physical therapy for my hip pain. There is still some pain but it is so much better than before. I have been very depressed over the pain since it is a constant reminder of our losses. So to be in a better spot that I was a month ago is huge. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

Make it to the gym a few times a week and do my home exercises for my hips. I also want to loose some more weight before IVF #2 in January.

QOTW: What was the worst thing that anyone has said to you after your loss? What was your reaction to them?

A person that I thought was "safe" for me to talk to basically said get over it, and move on. The pain will always be there but you have to learn to live with it. It was not worth a reaction because of who the person is. A reaction would have created world war 3 and I choose to take the higher road and bite my tongue (almost clear off!)

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

IVF #2, am I really ready for it? How would/do my boys feel about it. I know this will not be an easy road but I am ready to try again.

HullGut

Thank you so much. I am really glad I found this board and you all seem so incredible. I hate that we are all here but I am glad to have found some online support. Thanks for the hugs. I will say a prayer for your baby, for you and your DH and TTC. 

Williamandshawnna

Thank you, HUGS to you as well. Yes I do have contact regularly with this person.

calibride2005

Mrs Nice:

Hello Ladies, Welcome to our Thursday Check-In!  I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too. Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? QOTW: What was the worst thing that anyone has said to you after your loss? What was your reaction to them? Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Hi there!

No new steps (per se) towards healing this week....just enjoying every day with my DH and hopefully going back to work soon, which is my goal.  With that, I have been submitting resumes and waiting for interviews.

QOTW - the worst thing that was said to me was by my MIL...it was my fault that my daughter had the 22q deletion and DiGeorge Syndrome.  Mind you, I tested negative for them. Ugh!! My response? FU and I never want to see you again! Yah, she is a terrible person and DH is totally ok with what I said.