Getting sucked in...

Cincy/Toronto

Does anyone else feel like they can be sucked into the online world of greiving? There were days I would go downstairs in the morning to pump and I wouldn't get off the couch to eat, pee, get dressed or anything. I would just check TB and look at all the facebook pages for loss that I never knew existed before. I would look at all The Midnight Orange sculptures, look at Carley's sunset pictures, Butterfly Creations page, Tiny Dream shop....and then I found myself wanting everything, something just to touch and hold on to. When my boyfriend asks me what I want for Christmas, all I can think of are the things I've seen to remember Lillian, but I never tell him any of those. I think I feel ashamed or like I need to hide it from him. I know that he doesn't like knick-nacky stuff and he has made comments about me being depressed and I need to talk to someone so I don't wallow in it and if I ask for these things, I think he will feel like I'm wallowing. But aside from the parts about him, does anyone else find themselves doing this or feeling this way?

fluttergirlmoonchild79

I got really sucked in once DH went back to work and I was still on maternity leave.  I found this board and learned about Christian's Beach, which turned into finding Small Bird Studios, loss blogs, books on child loss etc.  I would sit on the couch with the laptop in my lap and just read and research.  I don't think DH really knows how much I'm actually on this board.  He knows I'm on it but I think he thinks it's very sporadically.  DH actually wanted to put up things in our home before I was ready but he waited a while and we constantly talked about it. 

Don't beat yourself up over being sucked into all the online grief stuff.  If that's what you want to do, then you do it.  If it helps get you through the day, do it.  I'm a firm believer that especially in the first few months, you need to do whatever it is to help get you through your day, no matter what it is.

{{HUGS}}

karebear57

I know exactly what you mean, how you feel if your s/o knew the half of it. I found SO much remembrance items that if my dh looked in my bookmarks he'd think I've gone nuts! I too feel ashamed, sort of, if I said I wanted to get any of it. I also did a lot and a lot of research on why I lost Bri and saved some of it in my bookmarks. I was glued to my comp.the first few months. It's not so bad now though! You are not alone. ((Hugs)) And I dislike that question, "What do you want for Christmas"? This yr it feels worse. I want my little girl back but I know that it's impossible. But, anyways, I say if it's helping you being on the comp. finding support or items to help you feel closer then do it!

jbranden12

Yes, the first few months were like this. I just wanted to think about her and grieve all day, and the internet helped me do that. I find myself doing it now during my rainbow pregnancy also. I want to keep Patricia at the front of my mind while also connecting with other moms who understand what I'm going through now. 

meli1025

ABSOLUTELY!  I find myself getting sucked into the online world of grieving as well as TTC after a late loss, possible causes for my loss, chances of it happening again, when I should start TTC again, etc.  The list goes on.  I obsess over everything and I know it's probably not good for me.  I brought this up with my therapist and said I should probably take a break from it all, but here I am...still on TB and searching the internet for all of these things related to my loss. 

Don't feel ashamed, and don't look at it as wallowing.  You are still grieving and I think this is normal.  We all find comfort from each other and from looking at all of these things online.  Even if your boyfriend doesn't understand maybe you can just have a heart to heart with him and let him know that it's not wallowing, it's the way you are grieving and it helps you.