VERY nervous!

JodyA118

So scared that BM is going to change her mind. How can I stop seeing only the negative? I hope this changes after we meet her. Has anyone else felt this way?

KatieRose09

I am no where there yet--just starting this process.  BUT, I can say that the BM changing her mind has already gotten me nervous.  I'm just a nervous person.

Maybe speak with a therapist?  It's out of your control and I know for me, therapy has helped me learn to accept the now and not worry about the future.

JodyA118

We are totally ready to accept it if it does not work..its just so hard not knowing. LOL

kmkaull2

You just have to have faith and take it one day at a time.  It might get better after you meet her, but it might get more stressful as the delivery date draws close.  My only advice is to stay really busy, and try to keep your focus on this expectant mom's needs.  You want her to make the best decision for her and truly be at peace with her adoption plan.  Wishing you luck!

IRRHusband

You have a valid concern.

 I don't want to freak you out or anything, and perhaps I shouldn't even be posting with such a fresh wound, but we just had an adoption go bad; even after caring for the new baby for a couple of days. Literally about to leave hospital.

 What I would suggest is this... keep up your trust and hope and all the other good things that make you the kind of caring person who would adopt at all. At the same time, assess signs. How far along in pregnancy is this? Their reasons? Is the father around? The "how far along" determines some of how much $$$ support you're going to give them. You need to assess if you're going to be 'played' and for how long. Beyond just being purely scammed. This is really hard, but probably easier than the next part.

 The next part is trying to figure out if she's capable of giving up the child at all. How committed is she. There's a reason for the waiting periods. Moms can change their mind once they have kid as they realize they just can't do it. Obviously, anyone can understand that. In our case, it's really sad because we're fairly certain this child will have a really crappy life now. Not just do to finances, but time and effort given all the other children already in this crowded welfare household. Still, she couldn't do it. Assessing this may not even possible; it's your best intuition.

You can only do what you can. And you have zero legal power. (Which is fine and right. BM should take precedence of course.) But this means you can lose hard and big. (We're not sure we'll risk going through this again. May look at other routes.) It's a roller coaster, and we wish you luck. Stay close to your social worker on the BM side and get their assessments as well. Ours told us she thought this BM was iffy earlier on. But we were so eager, we barreled forward anyway. You're doing this in the first place with your heart. But you have to keep your head in the game as well.