Not so funny onesie

PhillyGal34

I was given a onesie that says "I survived NICU and all I got was this lousy onesie!" It's meant to be funny but it upsets me. Many babies won't get that lousy onesie unfortunately. Do I tell the person it's hurtful? They said they can't wait to see LO in it but I don't want him wearing it out.
What would you do?

katie4253

What do you do?  I don't know.  What I would do is say nothing, put my LO in it, take a pic and PRINT it for them and put it in the envelope with the thank you note.  I wouldn't send it electronically because they could then post it on FB or whatever. 

Quite honestly, this goes in the category for me titled "they didn't live it, so they don't get it".  I can't fight with the "don't get it's" anymore.  

Mrs. Alice

I think it would be kind of rude to tell them it's hurtful as I think they were only well meaning and like katie said they just "don't get it".

DrRx

I don't think it's rude to say that it's hurtful.  I would actually tell the person that while I can see that they were trying to be funny, surviving the NICU is not a joke.  I would ask them if they would give their relative a shirt that said "I survived the ICU and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."  To me, personally, it is important for people to not take lightly the fact that she fought for her life.  The NICU is not just some special nursery--it is ICU. 

I guess it depends on who this person is and what kind of relationship you have with them.  If you don't want to be confrontational, just don't do anything about it and ignore it.  I would not put LO in it and send the person a pic.  

I know that there may be a time when it isn't so raw and a T-shirt for LO that says that may not set off a nerve, but I don't think I see that happening for me.  I think that it would trivialize how the entire experience was.  

Sept30Madison

Mrs. Alice:

I think it would be kind of rude to tell them it's hurtful as I think they were only well meaning and like katie said they just "don't get it".

Ditto this.  If the onesie bothered me, I just wouldn't have my LO wear it and hope that they don't ask for a pic (I've never had anyone ask for a pic of an outfit they gifted). I wouldn't create a pic unless they keep asking about the gift (which would be unlikely in my experience).

Brummy14

Wow. I would seriously have probably said something I would potentially regret later. Tasteless.

But, again, no one really gets it. MIL demanded to be able to come visit and stay with us 2 DAYS after I delivered as she refuses to stay in a hotel even if we pleaded that we need that from her. We let her come last weekend, which was still too early for us emotionally. Then, she sends an email to us after having seen the girls that you have see it it in person to know exactly how rough it is what we're going through. Yeah, no crap. That's why we didn't want you to come in the first place.

PhillyGal34

it's actually a close family member that should know better after seeing what we went through. Again, I don't think it was meant to be mean. I think it was a joke and "pride" but they don't realize how hurtful it could be to the wrong eyes.  They've mentioned a few times how they can't wait until he is big enough to wear it so I am sure they will ask to see him in it but I'm going to tell them no pictures because a friend of mine lost one of her twins in the NICU and it would crush her if she saw it. It's not like an amusement park ride... I survived the log flume, etc.  NICU is really life or death in some cases.

AndBabyWouldMake5

katie4253:

What do you do?  I don't know.  What I would do is say nothing, put my LO in it, take a pic and PRINT it for them and put it in the envelope with the thank you note.  I wouldn't send it electronically because they could then post it on FB or whatever. 

Quite honestly, this goes in the category for me titled "they didn't live it, so they don't get it".  I can't fight with the "don't get it's" anymore.  

Agree with all of the above.

PhillyGal34

CurlingRocks:

I'm personally not offended by it, but I understand why you are.  If it were someone close to me, I'd say something because I wouldn't want them to buy more things that don't fit my sense of humor.  ("Hey, Jean, thank you for the thought, but we are just really not to a place where we can laugh over this.  I hope you'll understand.")  If it is someone I'm merely acquainted with but won't probably get many more gifts of inquiries about this one, I'd just let it go and vent on here.

I'm sorry you got a gift that upset you; I've been there.  GL!

 

honestly a year ago I probably wouldn't have thought twice if I saw a baby in it... but since my friend's dear son just passed away I know it would be horribly painful if she ever saw a picture of it on facebook which made me think about how offensive it could really be.  Even when I first saw it I didn't think much about it until I really thought about it... and probably over thought it. But still, he won't be wearing it and certainly not around other people! 

PhillyGal34

CurlingRocks:

PhillyGal34:

CurlingRocks:

I'm personally not offended by it, but I understand why you are.  If it were someone close to me, I'd say something because I wouldn't want them to buy more things that don't fit my sense of humor.  ("Hey, Jean, thank you for the thought, but we are just really not to a place where we can laugh over this.  I hope you'll understand.")  If it is someone I'm merely acquainted with but won't probably get many more gifts of inquiries about this one, I'd just let it go and vent on here.

I'm sorry you got a gift that upset you; I've been there.  GL!

 

honestly a year ago I probably wouldn't have thought twice if I saw a baby in it... but since my friend's dear son just passed away I know it would be horribly painful if she ever saw a picture of it on facebook which made me think about how offensive it could really be.  Even when I first saw it I didn't think much about it until I really thought about it... and probably over thought it. But still, he won't be wearing it and certainly not around other people! 

I was in no way trying to minimize or dismiss your feelings.  You are justified.  I was mostly saying it so you wouldn't say something like "No preemie mom would ever be ok with that."  (something I might have said earlier in the experience...) and then having that come back at you with "Well, my friend Ann had a preemie and thought it was hilarious." or something like that.  I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's baby!

Oh! I didn't think you were! I just meant that it would've been along the lines of something is find funny. I usually love ironic tshirts and stupid sayings. In fact I bought dh a few for Xmas!

PhillyGal34

M&MHaveMyHeart:

I've seen a shirt that says "I Graduated from the NICU."

I'd prefer 'graduated' to 'survived' definitely. 

 

agreed.   

JaysonandKristin

My son was born at 42w but with a life-threatening birth defect.  We were in the NICU for a loooong time during his recovery.  After experiencing a few too many bedside funerals with only the CLOTH dividers to achieve privacy, there's no way I'd ever find that onesie funny -- not even 3 years later.

 

I'd say something like what CurlingRocks suggested.

Bluebird2318

If I were in your situation, I would not post a picture for them... But I might dress her in it on a day I knew the person who gave the gift was going to be coming over. I'm sure it was done out of love and trying to acknowledge your son's special circumstances, but yeah, as PP said, other people just don't "get it." 

 Also agree with PP who said that "survived" was a very poor and insensitive choice of words... "Graduate" would be a lot more acceptable.