Request: Research/Resources for Sleep Training AP-style

kristin172429

We currently bedshare and really love it.  Both DH and I know we will miss him like crazy, but our gut is starting to tell us that it is time to start transitioning him to his own room.  He is almost 10 months now and we are thinking about aiming to have him transitioned by his first birthday.  

Can you please share any research or resources you have that helped you move them to their own space AND how to help them learn to soothe themselves to sleep?  Websites, medical journals, books - anything you've got would be greatly appreciated!  I want to do my research before we really get started.

E.T.A. I would also love to hear how the method you chose worked for you - trials and tribulations, success stories, etc. 

E.T.A. #2: And please tell me how you got over your lack of bedtime baby snuggles.   

Emerald27

I haven't booted the babe from our bed yet, so I don't have much practical advice, but these are on my shelf for when the time comes:

The NoCry Sleep Solution, by Elizabeth Pantley

Nighttime Parenting, by Dr. William Sears

Good luck! I hope for many happy restful nights for you!

aglenn

The two suggested by the pp are good, and I would add to the list "Sleepless In America" and the Ferber book (it is not all about CIO and has some good sleep info).  In general terms, for us slow and gentle is what's worked best.  Trying to force either of my strong-willed kiddos into anything is always a fail, whether it is sleep or eating or potty training, etc.  They need me to be patient, be sensitive, and help them through the transition on their timeline. I read 8,000 sleep books when DD was a baby and that is basically what it all boiled down to for me; I never did find a specific plan or recipe that I could follow to the letter.  I had to kind of wing it.

In specific terms, I am in the beginning stages with DS right now and followed a similar plan with DD.  I put DS down for the night in his crib (we nurse and rock to sleep in the glider in his room, with white noise on).  He goes down fairly easily, and I just bring him back to bed with me at the first waking.  This gives me at least a little bit of free time to spend with DH, do things around the house, or just watch a dumb TV show if I want.  

Phase two will be to put him back down at the crib for any wakings before midnight.  After that, he can come back to my bed.  The midnight timing is arbitrary, so use what works for you.  Right now I am not ready to move into phase two because DS has been through a few rounds of illness and is having some separation anxiety, so I am kind of waiting for him to start sleeping longer at that first stretch before I proceed.  I go by my gut and just wait for when I feel like he is ready.  Once we make it to midnight for a while, I'll extend it to all night.  With DD the whole process took a couple of months to complete but it was really pretty painless.  There were times (like around 18 months) when she was having a rough time and would come back to bed with us, and I was fine with that.  

TiffanyBerry

aglenn:

Trying to force either of my strong-willed kiddos into anything is always a fail, whether it is sleep or eating or potty training, etc.  They need me to be patient, be sensitive, and help them through the transition on their timeline. I read 8,000 sleep books when DD was a baby and that is basically what it all boiled down to for me; I never did find a specific plan or recipe that I could follow to the letter.  I had to kind of wing it.

100x's over, this.

Read all you can/want/have time for.  Know that you're still going to have to wing it and "make it up" to some extent for YOUR particular kid. 

RioG1978

aglenn:

The two suggested by the pp are good, and I would add to the list "Sleepless In America" and the Ferber book (it is not all about CIO and has some good sleep info).  In general terms, for us slow and gentle is what's worked best.  Trying to force either of my strong-willed kiddos into anything is always a fail, whether it is sleep or eating or potty training, etc.  They need me to be patient, be sensitive, and help them through the transition on their timeline. I read 8,000 sleep books when DD was a baby and that is basically what it all boiled down to for me; I never did find a specific plan or recipe that I could follow to the letter.  I had to kind of wing it.

In specific terms, I am in the beginning stages with DS right now and followed a similar plan with DD.  I put DS down for the night in his crib (we nurse and rock to sleep in the glider in his room, with white noise on).  He goes down fairly easily, and I just bring him back to bed with me at the first waking.  This gives me at least a little bit of free time to spend with DH, do things around the house, or just watch a dumb TV show if I want.  

Phase two will be to put him back down at the crib for any wakings before midnight.  After that, he can come back to my bed.  The midnight timing is arbitrary, so use what works for you.  Right now I am not ready to move into phase two because DS has been through a few rounds of illness and is having some separation anxiety, so I am kind of waiting for him to start sleeping longer at that first stretch before I proceed.  I go by my gut and just wait for when I feel like he is ready.  Once we make it to midnight for a while, I'll extend it to all night.  With DD the whole process took a couple of months to complete but it was really pretty painless.  There were times (like around 18 months) when she was having a rough time and would come back to bed with us, and I was fine with that.  

 Fascinating to read this post, because this is exactly what I am doing!  I haven't read any sleep books.

My DD started sleeping with us during the 4 month wakeful.  I slowly started having her nap in the crib (from the bassinette) in anticipation of night times in the crib.  I didn't realize I would like bed sharing so much.   I still love it, but it can't last forever, and I don't want to wake up one day and be desperate to get her on her own.

She starts every night in the crib, usually wakes up a few times.  I go to bed around 10 and will soothe her in the crib again if necessary, but leave her there.  Then she stays there until I'm too tired to get up again.   Usually it's after midnight... last night was closer to 2 I think. 

kristin172429

TiffanyBerry:

aglenn:

Trying to force either of my strong-willed kiddos into anything is always a fail, whether it is sleep or eating or potty training, etc.  They need me to be patient, be sensitive, and help them through the transition on their timeline. I read 8,000 sleep books when DD was a baby and that is basically what it all boiled down to for me; I never did find a specific plan or recipe that I could follow to the letter.  I had to kind of wing it.

100x's over, this.

Read all you can/want/have time for.  Know that you're still going to have to wing it and "make it up" to some extent for YOUR particular kid. 

Absolutely!  I just use the reading to educate myself on the different ideas and options out there.  In the end, I go with my gut and what works best for us.  I was actually already thinking of doing very much what aglenn mentioned.  We have started him napping more often in his crib, but he almost always wakes up in 30-45 minutes.  If I cuddle him, he'll go 2 hours.  Hoping he adjusts to sleeping longer independently!  I also plan on taking our time and not trying to rush the transition.  He seems to do well with that.  

SandiaPinaMama

I started with naps in the crib when DS was maybe 4 or 5 months.  I would stay and rub and pat and sing until he was out.  When he was good at naps in the crib, then I started putting him down for the night at 5 months in his crib. After the first waking, we bedshared.  This worked great until about 8 or 9 months.  He was up like every two hours during the night, which was too much.  I read Dr Jay Gordon's ideas, then modified them to help DS drop one night feeding.  We all felt much better about that.  DS started STTN around 10 or 11 months, and then he was in his room the whole night.  Easy-peasy.  I also read up on Sleep Lady Shuffle, though I don't recall if I used any particular piece of advice, I really liked what she had to say.

Losing my nighttime snuggles was lame, but it worked out really well with the part time bedsharing, because I still got some snuggles. Now, he sits in my lap, and I rock and sing as many songs as I feel I need that night before he's out of my arms. I don't know if he really feels he needs that, but I do.