Intro- 34 weeks and depressed

hooverj3

I just recently had a c section at 34 weeks unexpectantly and am still in shock with my first baby. This pregnancy has been pretty typical and everything has always gone perfect-from my ultrasounds to prenatal visits. Unexpectantly, last Sunday, my husband and I were coming home from a movie and I was sitting in the car when I felt a rush of fluid coming from " down there". I immediately checked it and saw it was blood. A lot of blood and I was 34 weeks.

Hubby took me right to L&D and after many tests and an a ultrasound they concluded I had,I think, a partial abrasion and that my LO had stopped growing. When did this happen...?? How could my OB not have noticed?  The hospital ended up doing a c-section Tuesday the 27 ( a day after my birthday). My LO, Hanna, has been in the NICU ever since. I was discharged Friday but have been staying in these NICU suites at the hospital. Today is the first time I go home with no baby. 

I never saw this happening to me, although I know no one does. I cry I swear all the time. Hanna is doing good though overall. She weighed in at birth at 4 pounds and 17 inches long. She never needed o2 or a feeding tube so I know I need to count my blessings. She just got moved from the isolate to a regular crib to see how she does regulating her own temp.  She also needed to be on a billiblanket and under a light but they just discharged that this morning. They will take another Billie level tomorrow morning. It is just so stressful during feelings. She needs to get enough food to grow. Sometimes I can't wake her and it gets so frustrating. Also things with my family have been ultra stressful. They don't understand what I am going through and think I am selfish to not let them visit right now ( this is their first grandchild- but every time they do come its been too stressful on me).  My hubby and i have our share of fights and I am overall physically and emotionally drained. I just want the strength and positivity to keep moving for Hanna's sake. Thanks for reading my novel. Any advice would be appreciated!! TIA!

 

Edited to clarify. Still getting used to my new iPad. 

kelkel09

First, Congratulations on your daughter! The feelings you are having are totally normal. To have your pregnancy end so abruptly is really difficult to deal with on top of the new worry of the health of your LO. Just try to take one day at a time and be thankful that she is doing so well. And, the women on this board are super supportive so definitely ask any questions you have or just vent anytime you need to! Best wishes to you and Hanna.

mcvgal

I don't think any family really understands, so you've come to the right place. Congrats on your LO. You are going through something most of us go through and honestly it takes a while getting used to. But I highley recommend taking advantage of the time in the NICU. Even if you can't wake her, read to her, sing to her - she totally knows your voice and you. You will be a great mom, as preemie moms I think we tend to fight even more for our babies and that's a good thing. So even though family may not understand right now, you are not being selfish, just fighting for your LO.

 

ahollo02

Welcome and congrats on that baby girl!

Noone will understand what you are going through besides us. So please lean on us here on the board. Family and friends will be well meaning and trying to say the nicest things.. just take it how it is. I used to get sooooo fed up with everyones 'it will get better' and 'look at the positive'. But they just do not know what to say because they never went through it.

Leaving my DD at the hospital was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Well, besides the NICU stay in general. I cried when I drove to the hospital everyday, when I walked in and saw her, on the way home, and every nite. It wasent supposed to be this way. None of this was supposed to happen. It's such an emotional rollercoaster that will only end when you have your baby in your car and see the hospital in your rearview mirror. But until then, try to project positive energy to your little one and do as much skin to skin as you can, and talk to her, sing to her. It really does help.

katie4253

Congratulations on your daughter!  

No one understands unless they've been there.  It just isn't possible.  I'm sorry they aren't being more sensitive, though! 

It sounds like your daughter is doing great.  Please give yourself time to heal and grieve the sudden end of your pregnancy.  It will take time.  For me it is still a process.  After his first birthday and then my due date, thing really started getting easier for me.  

Jeep Doll

Congrats on Hannah.  Everyone here has been so helpful.  It is difficult when no one understands because they haven't been there themselves.

I actually got really mad at a friend's mom b/c she would show up at NICU unannounced and it was ALWAYS at the wrong time... like she would want to be with the babies when I needed to go eat.   I hope this doesn't happen to you.  Please come here and vent/talk/ask for support whenever you need to!

jcsntms06

Congratulations on the birth of your DD. Sounds like she is doing very well. Praying that she keeps up the great strides and that she is home with you soon. Please keep us posted.

hooverj3

Thanks everyone for all of your support. It does feel good to know that people know what you are going through. I survived my first night at home and am currently lying down next to Hanna's crib. I look forward to getting to know you girls! Thanks again!