creeped out and sad sensitive subject

missyishere

I just saw a little blip in a local newspaper about a former coach of mine being sued for damaged from a victim. That victim accusing the former coach of molestation for 6 years. I am in shock, because she was such a good coach. She never came off as a creepo sex offender. It sickens me to think an adult in that position could grossly take advantage of a kid. I'm also sad, in a way, because she helped in building my confidence as an awkward middle school girl who didn't know she was able to play some mean volleyball. I will never understand why people do these things nor do I want to. Having a daughter makes me so worried as it is. Now a woman I looked up to at one point is the very worst person out there. I feel so terrible for the victim. I am unsure if there are more.

LCass

I had a similar thing come up a few years ago.  My vocal music teacher from grades 7 and 8 was being investigated for inappropriate correspondence with minors (girls from a choir he ran outside of school).  It was so vague and I just had a feeling it was being blown out of proportion.  He'd been such an awesome teacher and I felt like it was probably a misinterpretation.  I've since heard that the girls admitted afterwards to having made the whole thing up.  It's incredibly sad to me, because even though it was all dropped they really screwed with his life.  He wasn't interested in going back to teaching in school after all of that so he started doing private singing lessons, but will only teach minors if their parents are present in the room at all times.  I believe his girlfriend of many years also left him over it.

I'm sorry you're dealing with all this.  It's so hard to hear about someone you know/liked doing things like that.  The thing is, even if she did a horrible thing to someone else, she still helped you and it's okay to still be appreciative of that.  I hope that the victim is able to get some closure from this lawsuit and that there aren't other victims out there.

AngLK987

I'm sorry you're dealing with this!  One of my HS teachers was arrested for something similar. He was always really flirtatious with certain girls in HS, but we never thought he'd do anything. He coached my softball team for 2 1/2 years.  Apparently he got caught texting with a girl back and forth and grabbed her as$, not sure what the true story is, but I guess she wasn't stopping it but her mentor & parents found out and they are the ones that pressed charges. 

What's even more interesting is that MH works at the jail, he went to jail and told everyone he was a pharmacist from a different town, and was shocked when he saw MH working.   

Elsa1984

Oh that completely sucks!

Something along the lines of what the PP Stated, my other half has been offered numerous positions as a soccer coach for younger girls or and or high school girls soccer. Unfortunately he's too scared to take it because he will be oneonone with the girls, And you never know if someone take accuse you of something that never actually happened. And then even if he was cleared everybody would still look at him like he was some sort of perv. That happened to a coach in our area and the community still looked at him constantly like he was some pervert. It ended up being too much for him and he killed himself. So as bad as my SO would love to coach soccer he just says he wouldn't be able to take the chance. When Gator is a little older he said might try and coach one of her teams, But would have a female person on staff to help with the team and go in locker room if need be.

It's sad that you have to think that way when it comes to coaching for kids that there is a slim chance that a kid could make something up and it would be your word against theirs.

LCass

Elsa1984:

It's sad that you have to think that way when it comes to coaching for kids that there is a slim chance that a kid could make something up and it would be your word against theirs.

It's the same for teaching.  We're told that to protect ourselves from false accusations we should have no physical contact with the children.  If a child gives you a hug, you're supposed to put your hands in the air so that everyone can see you're not touching them inappropriately.  Can you imagine how devastating it would be for some poor little kid who is getting no affection at home to hug their teacher and the teacher acts like they're going to give them the plague or something?  Almost every teacher I know has said that, although they will be smart and careful about it, they are not prepared to go that far and that they have to just trust that the parents, students and other staff members know them well enough to know they wouldn't do anything wrong.

Elsa1984

Yeah it is very sad. I worked at a daycare and I hugged the little kids all the time. I spent every single day, 10 hours a day with them and was instantly in love with them, and treated them like they were my own kids. I cannot imagine a little kid walking up to me and trying to hug me and me just backing away like they have the plague.

I just realize how many spelling errors my first post had. I guess that's what I get for using Talk to Text feature on my phone. Ha!

VeilSdeGTO

LCass:

Elsa1984:

It's sad that you have to think that way when it comes to coaching for kids that there is a slim chance that a kid could make something up and it would be your word against theirs.

It's the same for teaching.  We're told that to protect ourselves from false accusations we should have no physical contact with the children.  If a child gives you a hug, you're supposed to put your hands in the air so that everyone can see you're not touching them inappropriately.  Can you imagine how devastating it would be for some poor little kid who is getting no affection at home to hug their teacher and the teacher acts like they're going to give them the plague or something?  Almost every teacher I know has said that, although they will be smart and careful about it, they are not prepared to go that far and that they have to just trust that the parents, students and other staff members know them well enough to know they wouldn't do anything wrong.

One of the questions that I was asked during an interview for a teaching position was "when is it appropriate to touch a student?" My answer was only in an emergency such as providing CPR.

WRONG! Apparently, "NEVER" is the right answer. I totally side-eyed him.

katecham

One of the guys DH was good friends with in HS just got charged with something similar. He was a band director with a wife and brand new baby. He was sexting and/or inappropriately touched a student. The story is shady at best but its ruined his life. He resigned, his wife left him, he can't find a job. All he ever wanted to do was be a band director and now he can't. Even if he's found not guilty the stigma is there.

Chunstad

katecham:

One of the guys DH was good friends with in HS just got charged with something similar. He was a band director with a wife and brand new baby. He was sexting and/or inappropriately touched a student. The story is shady at best but its ruined his life. He resigned, his wife left him, he can't find a job. All he ever wanted to do was be a band director and now he can't. Even if he's found not guilty the stigma is there.

I totally agree, it ruins your credibility and your name.  When I taught young kids I didn't think about it as much, but when I taught 5th grade, it bothered me to be left out in my portable alone with a boy.  Who knew if they got pissed at me what they could say, so I made it a point never to be left alone with a student.  Also our friend, who is male and very handsome, is a high school PE teacher.  His wife is always nervous of him getting falsely accused.  You know how catty girls can be at that age.  What if one came on to him, he rebuffed them, then they are embarrassed and do things to get 'back at him'?  You can't exactly take a thing like this back.

 

BeesMomma00

I know a man that was involved in the latest release of information about the Boy Scouts.  Unfortunately, sometimes these things are word against word and it's not always what we think it is.  In this case, honestly, the man just had a bad lawyer, it was in the 80s, he accepted a plea to make it go away.  Could something odd have happened, yes.  Was it molestation?  Maybe not.

We may never get to the bottom of some of these stories that do not have proof.  But I honestly don't think all of them are true.