Tough discussion w/babysitter... re potty training/doing things for themselves

dunvilles

Every day when I pick my son up from his babysitter's house, I always ask how his day was. Friday my babysitter said "Well.... he's really far behind the girls. He doesn't put on his own shoes, his own coat, pull out his own chair, he didn't tell me today that he needed to go potty. He's just really far behind the girls." She went on to say she's not sure why he doesn't want to do these things but she was frustrated.

Needlless to say, I felt like I let my son down. Like I had not been working with him enough. I called my mom and talked it over with her.

L is an only child. He will be 3 Jan. 17. He CAN take off his own shoes/coat, put on shoes like crocks/slip ons with ease, knows his right/ left foot, can take all his own clothes off (long sleeve fitted t-shirts are difficult for him), he can pull out his own chair/push it in... etc... basically he can do with in reason what you ask him to do. DH and I hold up his coat for him and he slides his arms in, we zip up his coat...

 What are the expecations for an almost 3 year old to do? The two girls that our daycare lady are referring to have other siblings. They are both 4 months younger than DS and both were potty trained by 2.5. DS will go pee in the potty all day and rarely has an accident. He does not like to poop in the potty but we're working on that.

 DH and I used to read all of the monthly milestones for DS when he was little but I haven't been reading up on it lately. Am I missing anything?

Worcbride

My son is 2 months younger than yours and he can put on his own boots but not shoes;  he can take off some shirts if they are oversized;  he hasnt really tried to take off his own pants;  he can take off his own socks.  He cant put on his own coat.  He isn't even interested in potty training.  I'm a SAHM and yes I do alot for him but he's right on track.  All in all, I'd say that your son is doing very well and you're not missing a thing.  Yes, girls sometimes do things earlier than boys but your son sounds just perfect!  

dunvilles

Worcbride:

My son is 2 months younger than yours and he can put on his own boots but not shoes;  he can take off some shirts if they are oversized;  he hasnt really tried to take off his own pants;  he can take off his own socks.  He cant put on his own coat.  He isn't even interested in potty training.  I'm a SAHM and yes I do alot for him but he's right on track.  All in all, I'd say that your son is doing very well and you're not missing a thing.  Yes, girls sometimes do things earlier than boys but your son sounds just perfect!  

Thank you for your response. We are not around many other 2-3 year olds and aren't really sure what to expect. After talking to some friends, their sons weren't potty trained until 3.

 

honeybee111

I think your son is fine.  DD will be 3 in Jan too.  She can dress herself, although doesn't know left shoe/right shoes, so we have to check that.  She has trouble connecting the zipper, but can zip/unzip.

I wouldn't use potty training as a comparison method - there's a huge window for that.  DD also has pee down, but we're still working on poo.

I hope your babysitter was just having a bad day, because I don't think that was very appropriate the way she expressed her concerns about your son.  Also, if she works with kids, she should know that kids reach milestones at different times, right?

la79al

I really have no idea on what they are 'supposed' to be doing but I can tell you that when DD1 started preschool last year, she was 3 years, 3.5 months and the teacher was super impressed that she could do most of the things you mentioned, leading me to believe that she was advanced rather than right on schedule (she was also the youngest kid in her class).  I would not worry about your son not doing these things at the babysitters house.  There could be a million things going on.  Is she expecting him to do more because he's older, is she too busy with the girls to prompt him the way she should be, is she not following through with directives and instead doing it for him because it's just easier?  Let me also say that when there is one kiddo at home, you have a lot more time and patience to be right there helping him learn and do things.  At the babysitters house, there are at least 3 kiddos, thus they all need to be more independent with doing things than your son needs to be at home.  It's not a bad thing on your part at all, it's pretty normal I think. 

groovygrl

Your son is fine, please don't stress about it! . I have boy girl twins and the differences are amazing and trust me I know how hard it is to not compare. Your son can do more than mine and my son turned three in August. I am not worried about him esp because he goes to daycare and they do very extensive twice a year evaluations of an insane number of different skills and abilities and he is totally on par for all of it, including just starting to work on potty training, there are a number of boys in the class still working on it and they are all over three in the class.  The girls are a totally different story when it comes to self care things like dressing, pottying, drawing/writing type skills etc. but at the same time, Ds can do puzzles and build things and do all those spatial relation things way better than her...he has no interest in writing or drawing but tells very creative stories off the top of his head. 

I am not saying is to say either of my kids do anything amazing or outside the norm for their age but to reassure you that all kids are different, and the genders are truly different! I think your sitter needs to better understand that. 

superaunt

your poor babysitter. sorry but that's kind of her job isn't it? to care for children and deal with differences in them? if not, she shouldn't be watching more than one at a time. JMO.

my girl, also an only child, will be 3 end of this month and can't take off her own shirt or dress, doesn't really put on her own shoes unless they're CROCS, and is nowhere near being PT. they're still little and need help with some things! i understand it's frustrating, but that's all a part of being the adult.

KellyD01

I agree w/ the PP, I'm annoyed w/ your sitter. Let's see, in my house I have a 4yo boy and twin 2 yo girls. My 4 yo potty trained at 3yr2mth. Pee only, poop was almost a whole year later! and we're STILL working on it. He started dressing himself somewhere around 3 1/2 and still puts the wrong shoes on the wrong feet sometimes... For some reason he has an easier time putting tie shoes on than velcro and I'm convinced both of these are on purpose to get my attention. One of my 2 yo can dress herself, right down to knowing which drawers in the dresser she shares w/ her sister are hers... the other one isn't even remotely interested and if I let her run around completely naked she'd be utterly thrilled. I think a conversation needs to be had w/ your sitter about expectations and making comparisons. I would hope that this was just a day she was more overwhelmed than usual and she doesn't put negative pressure on him when he doesn't conform to her idea of what's expected.

Soap1

Wow now I'm worried DS1 is behind!  Lol.  He doesn't know how to dress himself but I think that's mostly because we're always in a chaotic rush so I just do it for him.  I wouldn't stress.  You won't be putting on his clothes for him when he's in college.

diana.filipi

My DD goes to a co-op preschool so I'm in the classroom a good bit.  At the beginning of the year when most of them were kinda close to 2 1/2 all the girls were potty trained and none of the boys.  Now 2 of the boys are and 2 are not. They are all normally adjusted little boys I think it's just that boys often pt later than girls.