Baby names and family drama

ap142193

My dad remarried about 4 years ago to a woman whose daughter was a year ahead of me in school (I went to a big school so I didn't really know her).  My step-sister never knew her dad and I don't think her mom ever dated much.  

My step-sister has a little girl who was born a year or two before our parents married and just had a little boy about 2 years ago.

I don't mind my step-sister much, but she is easily manipulated by her mother who doesn't like me or my brother.  

When she named her son, she named him after my father.  She used my dad's (and my maiden name) last name as her son's first name and my dad's first  name as her son's middle name.  

Neither my brother or I were Told about how her son would be named until after the fact.  Both my brother and I were extreMely offended by the fact that wewere not consulted(he isnt her dad and she has only been part of our family for a couple of years), but my dad didn't want us to say anything because he wanted to keep the peace as much as possible.

 Now that I'm married and tttc, I would like the option of using my maiden name as a child's name as a way of keeping my family name within my new family. 

Do I need to forget about getting to use my maiden name for one of my future children?

brookelynpaisley

MelRC117:

No, you still have the ability to use YOUR name. If your SM has a problem with it, well that's HER problem. It's pretty strange that your SS used your dad's names for her and her SO's child especially when it isn't like he helped raised her. I honestly find it slightly rude. Yeah no one "owns" a name, but it's pretty bold for her to use your LN and your dad's name on her child or for your SM to even pressure her 

I agree. That seems like a very big honor your SS gave to a man who she has probably known for only 6 years (I'm assuming a year of dating and engagement). You have every right to use names from your family.

MrsJ723

mj.reilly:

MelRC117:

No, you still have the ability to use YOUR name. If your SM has a problem with it, well that's HER problem. It's pretty strange that your SS used your dad's names for her and her SO's child especially when it isn't like he helped raised her. I honestly find it slightly rude. Yeah no one "owns" a name, but it's pretty bold for her to use your LN and your dad's name on her child or for your SM to even pressure her 

Completely agree. 

I find it weird that she used his last name and first name. Odd.

He is your father and it is your maiden name. It you want to use it or your dad's fn or nn, you have every right. Same goes for your brother.

SS and her mom can get over it. They have no right to be angry.

Agree with both.

groovygirl858

I think you should still use your maiden name if that is what you had always planned to do.

ETA: And even if you hadn't always planned to use your maiden name, but have decided you might want to, if you and your husband agree on using your maiden name as the FN, use it.

brookelinhart

That is YOUR name! You definitely still have the option to use it. I would have felt the exact same way that you did about someone using a name that had more meaning to me. She should've talked to you about it first. She shouldn't have a problem either, but if she did, you have a good reason: you used YOUR name!

OSibyl

I get how that would be weird. I have step-brothers and sisters (both my parents remarried). However, neither remarried until I was in my 20s. I *like* all of them well enough but don't see them very often. We actually considered using the same name as one of my step-sisters daughters (she has 4) because it is the same as my Grandma's name.... but have since ruled it out although might use it for a mn.

I wouldn't worry about the name. Do what you want to do. And be honored that your step-sister has that much respect and admiration for your dad. Plenty of kids share the same name. Chances are you know someone with the same first/middle name as you.

plunderb

Frankly, I find it strange that you and your brother are so offended. Why can't your stepsister honor her stepfather if she wants to? Try to see this as an opportunity to forge family ties rather than acting like a brat. Name your kid what you like.

ScarletOflaherty

Honestly, it sounds like he's made a big impact on her life, and she chose to honor him by using his name, but in a different way than his own children might. I can't imagine your plan was to originally use yourlastname hisfirstname, so I'm guessing she did it that way to avoid any akwardness.

ap142193

I'm not offended she used the name.  I'm offended that my brother and I weren't asked if we had plans to use our family name for our kids, prior to her making the decision.  My day's name is Joe Parker and she named her son Parker Joseph.  If I name my son Parker then my dad has 2 grandchildren with the same name.  

AmandaAndTj

Assuming you do have a boy at some point, could you use your dads middle name?? I always planned on using my dads name as a mn for a son but, alas, I've got two girls lol

sharksfan

toothpastechica:

Drama aside (I'm on the side that thinks it was meaningful to her to honor your Dad in her sons name....perhaps hes the only "dad" she really feels has made an impact in her life....you should  be honored to have such a great man as a father to accept her so much!); I would use your maiden name as a middle name to avoid confusion between the cousins and still use the family name, and choose a name you and your partner love for his first name.

I agree with this completely!  

briannabeebug

ap142193:

My step-sister never knew her dad...

When she named her son, she named him after my father.  She used my dad's (and my maiden name) last name as her son's first name and my dad's first  name as her son's middle name.  

 

obviously your step sister really cherishes and honors the relationship that she has with her step father and your father.  I don't think there is anything wrong with that--you said she never knew her own dad so perhaps she feels a strong connection with your dad.

Anyways on the subject on whether or not to use your maiden name as a first name--the cousins would have the same first name--bigger things have happened.  

If you feel so strongly about naming your babe with your maiden name then go ahead and do it.  Don't let it bother you--it doesn't make your child any less special or unique.  The cousins will probably love to share a first name.

If you're worried about 'legitimacy" or who deserves your dad's last name as their first name--don't.  Your father will be pleased as punch to be honored in such a way.

seanswife

I'm sorry, but I agree with the people who think that it is strange and rude for her to not at least ask you first.  It would be different if she just wanted to use your maiden name for her son's middle name or your dad's first name for his first name, middle name, whatever, but to use BOTH your dad's FIRST and LAST names in her son's name?  That's not honor to me....that's overkill.  I would be pissed if I were you too.  Sometimes I think people really don't put themselves in other people's shoes when it comes to this stuff.  What does your dad say about the scenario?  Obviously others were aware that it was weird since they kept the name from you until after the fact "to keep the peace."  So for people to say you're just being ridiculous is off.  Your SS overstepped.

mbody

I think that you can use the names Joseph and Parker for a future son if you'd like. I'd probably use Parker or Joseph as a middle name to honor your father, and chose a FN that you and your H love.

JulianneJacks

toothpastechica:

Drama aside (I'm on the side that thinks it was meaningful to her to honor your Dad in her sons name....perhaps hes the only "dad" she really feels has made an impact in her life....you should  be honored to have such a great man as a father to accept her so much!); I would use your maiden name as a middle name to avoid confusion between the cousins and still use the family name, and choose a name you and your partner love for his first name (why does his name have to only come from your side and not your baby daddy's side anyways?).

This. I'm biased because I have a great step-dad who came into my life when I was finishing highschool/ starting college.

You may never have a son so I wouldn't worry about this until the time comes. You can still honor your dad by using your maiden name as a mn or naming the child after your dad's first name. Of course the best way to honor a parent is to pass down the values that your parents taught you to your children.