NBR Family Vent (kind of long)

kimberly_ann81

My brother is getting married in May.  His fiance doesn't feel comfortable around my BIL.  She says she feels like he is undressing her with this eyes.  Every time the family has gotten together they left shortly after sister and BIL arrived or made sure S and BIL were gone before they came over.  My BIL has family issues due to verbal and emotional abuse he suffered growing up.  He doesn't deal well with rejection and is very needy (IMO).

 Because SIL-to-be doesn't feel comfortable around my BIL she doesn't want to invite him to the wedding.  My brother feels funny about inviting my sister and the kids ( they will be 3 and 1 at the wedding) to the wedding without BIL.  He decided to not invite either of them.  This of course has caused quite a stir.  My mother has even considered telling B and SIL-to-be she will not come if S and BIL are not invited to the wedding. 

 Talk about driving a wedge in the family.  My parents aren't divorced and yet I'm going to have to deal with juggling 2 holidays gathers if I want to see my family.  One with S and BIL and one with D and SIL-to-be.  

AEN1029

No offense, but SIL to be sounds incredibly self absorbed. There are times when we have to ignore certain things for the sake of our family, especially our husbands. Your sister and her husband should absolutely be invited to that wedding and SIL to be should suck it up for her future husband's sake. There will be enough people at the wedding that she won't have to spend too much time with your sister and her husband anyway.

I'm with your mom. I wouldn't be happy either.

NicoleReed0324

I am sorry you are having family drama! It sounds to me like your SIL to be needs to get a grip. Is her claim valid? I find it hard to believe that he would be acting inappropriately in front of his wife and the rest of her family. She should get over herself and let her husband-to-be's whole family come to their wedding. I would just stay out of it, they will work it out.

lioness13

AEN1029:

No offense, but SIL to be sounds incredibly self absorbed. There are times when we have to ignore certain things for the sake of our family, especially our husbands. Your sister and her husband should absolutely be invited to that wedding and SIL to be should suck it up for her future husband's sake. There will be enough people at the wedding that she won't have to spend too much time with your sister and her husband anyway.

I'm with your mom. I wouldn't be happy either.

I agree with this and think your brother sucks for allowing this crap. It sounds like the beginning of her pulling him away from his family. Sorry you're going through this.

kimberly_ann81

AEN1029:

. There will be enough people at the wedding that she won't have to spend too much time with your sister and her husband anyway.

 That is exactly what I told my mom when we had this discussion.  I remember saying hello to everybody at the receiving line but that is it.  I talked with a few but I know there were people there that I didn't talk with at all. 

theroadahead

I feel like she's being a drama queen. The only thing that would justify her actions is if he had actually done something sexual to her against her will. Otherwise it's redic. As PP said, it's highly unlikely she will even pay any attention to him at the wedding as she won't have time. 

ChristyD6

Your poor sister! This may ruin her relationship with your/her brother! I agree with PP that unless BIL has actually done something inappropriate to her your sister and BIL must be invited to the wedding. How awful for them of everyone is questioning why they aren't there and some terrible rumor gets started about him sexually assaulting the bride again, assuming there is no truth to any of it. Sounds like a combo of BIL being socially awkward and SIL to be being a drama queen.

Good luck and I hope you can stay out of it enough to not damage any of your relationships!

courty625

AEN1029:

No offense, but SIL to be sounds incredibly self absorbed. There are times when we have to ignore certain things for the sake of our family, especially our husbands. Your sister and her husband should absolutely be invited to that wedding and SIL to be should suck it up for her future husband's sake. There will be enough people at the wedding that she won't have to spend too much time with your sister and her husband anyway. I'm with your mom. I wouldn't be happy either.

This exactly.