When your friend gets KU and you dont
DA682
member
Hi everyone
I just need a little advice here. As background I have been TTC going on month 5 now (I know- not a long time). 2 months ago I confided in one of my close friends that we were TTC (she is the ONLY ONE who knows) and I told her how it could take a normal healthy couple up to a year. She took that as her cue to start trying right away- well she did, and she just informed me that she is pregnant. I am really truly happy for her, I swear. But the truth is I also feel so jealous, and its really kicking up my anxiety during the 2ww. I think the disappointment will be even greater this month as my close friend and only IRL friend who knows about my TTC is pregnant right in front of me. I will continue to be supportive and happy for her and I wont ever let her know that I feel this way but I needed a place to vent my feelings so I'm doing it here. What makes me sad is that she told me she was afraid to tell me because she thought she'd make me feel bad. I'm told her that I was nothing but happy for her and would never want her to keep that from me. I could never tell her the truth about my jealousy.
I am sure many of you have been through similar. I know, her getting pregnant doesn't reduce my chances, etc. I just needed some support from some ladies who know how I feel since I have no one else to talk to
Thanks in advance
Re: When your friend gets KU and you dont
You just have to remind yourself that their fertility has nothing to do with your fertility. I am actually at the point where friends and coworkers have gotten pregnant and had their babies all while I am sill TTC. It sucks, but I try not to dwell on it.
TTC #1 since August 2011
My Blog
September 2012: Start IF testing
DH (32): SA is ok, slightly low morph, normal SCSA Me (32): Slightly low progesterone, hostile CM, carrier for CF, Moderately high NKC, High TNFa, heterozyogous mutated Factor XIII, and +APA
October 2012-May 2014: 4 failed IUIs, 3 failed IVFs, and 1 failed FETw/donor embryos
November 2014: IVF w/ICSI #4 Agonist/Antagonist with EPP and Prednisone, Baby Aspirin, Lovenox, and IVIG for immune issues. Converted to freeze all due to lining issues. 2 blasts frozen on day 6!
January 2015: FET #2 Cancelled due to lining issues
April 2015: FET #2.1
PAIF/SAIF Welcome!
Sometimes it happens fast, sometimes it can take time. I have a family member that is expecting and wasn't trying. They actually moved up the wedding date because they didn't want to deal with the wedding 2 months before the baby arrived. I took the news a little hard (over the phone, but it was CD 1 on cycle 10 I think), but I'm really happy for them. They probably would have felt the same way about announcing to us if they knew we were TTC, but only a few people actually know. Today is CD 1 of cycle 12 and I'm just staying positive and looking at reasons that timing for us is more ideal than it would have been months ago even though we're just as ready as we were in the beginning. It can be tough at times, you just have to hang in there and don't lose hope.
By blog are you saying that this post would have fared better as a blog entry?
Gotcha, thanks. I'm so shy about blogging and I admire the ladies that blog and put it out there for us to read. Maybe I'll consider doing a private one
Yup, I haven't announced I'm trying. My hubby has told, which fine OK whatever. But I have a sil who is accidentally pregnant and a cousin who is pregnant by surprised!!!!!
Its hard.
Example. Today I let a good friend in on the plan to start trying again in January and she said that she just stopped her bc to try for 2. They got pregnant super fast with 1 so I got slightly bummed that more than likely shed be pregnant for the second time before I am with my first.
Then I sucked it up and told myself whatever happens with them has nothing to do with me and all I can do is bang it out...hehe...and keep trying.
I know how you feel, my best friend got pregnant this past January and just had her baby. I was extremely happy for her yet also sad because I wanted me to be pregnant, are plan was to always get pregnant at the same time, but unfortunately it didn't work out that way. She just had a baby boy last month and I am beyond happy for them it makes me want a baby even more.
I think it is some what normal to want it to be you that's pregnant, as long as you stay friends and be supportive is what matters the most! It will be your turn hopefully soon and she will be there for you when you are pregnant!
I heart you!!! Tell my ute too while your at it!
***DD 5/15/2004***TTC #2 Since March 2012***Severe MFI*** LameBlog ***
You're shy about blogging? Yet you wrote a long post on your personal feelings about a personal friend, on a message board, on the internet for the entire wide world web to see. Huh.
No I just mean that most blogs are not really anonymous. I feel shy about putting myself out there like that on a blog. I can be anonymous on TB. Not sure why you feel the need to kick me while I'm feeling down? How does my comment on blogging matter?
My blog is as anonymous as anything I put on here.
2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!, DS is now 3.5yrs!
TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP! DD is 1.5 yrs!
Surprise! 12/16/14 BFP, loss #2 12/31/14
I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
Fair enough- I acknowledge an anonymous blog is possible, I never said anything bad about blogging, anonymous or not. Just not sure why I deserved snark on this post, thats all, when I was simply asking for some advice/support. Thanks to those who did offer some support I appreciate it.
alright, I'm over it. Thanks
I wasn't saying that you said something bad about blogging you didn't. I was pointing out how you are posting on a message board the exact same way you would on a blog for the world to see anonymous or not.
As for the snark my main issue with your OP is that the bolded above is implying your friend got totes KU because you told her you were trying and so she jumped on the ttc train also. Is that what you are trying to say? And now you're slightly jealous because she got pregnant first? I find it a bit ridiculous and a litte immature hence my snark.
Nope I'm just telling the timeline of how it happened. She did start earlier than planned because she didn't realize it could take a while, that's all I'm saying. She got lucky in that it didn't take her long at all
I understand how you feel. Two people in 5 days have told me they're pregnant. One being my cousin and one a close friend who has been on this TTC journey with me. I'm not but happy for them, not a jealous bone. My husband didn't take it as well as me and I only told him about my cousin! He said he feels alot more pressure now, and it's kind of rubbing off on me. I'm in 2WW and FXs.
Try not to let it get to you too much, or think too much about it. You never know what will happen! Now you have a close friend who will go through things before you and can help you along the way once you get there!
My best friend is the only other person who knows too. She has three kids, the first 2 where unplanned and the 3rd took 4 months of TTC. She was really excited because a lot of her close friends are pregnant/TTC and she is for once not and not planing on it. Then after my first BFN, she tells me that her period is 4 days late.
(she ended up not being pregnant, though lol)