Newly single mom

kaykrash

So my boyfriend of 6 months (who I had dated on and off before) found out we were expected in January. (I'm 24, he's 22.) Honestly the WORST nine months of my life. Every step I should have been enjoying my pregnancy, I was regretting it and regretting him being the father. We had been on and off my entire pregnancy, causing ridiculous stress for me. My LO was born two months ago and I've finally called it quits with him after, now, a year and seven months together. He's essentially a deadbeat. (Chooses to see his friends rather than the baby, smokes weed, etc.) I thought he could change or at least would once our LO arrived, but I was wrong. Stupid part of all of this is that even though he's wickedly emotionally abusive to me and really sucks as a dad so far, I still love him. I HATE being with him and he makes me more miserable than happy, but he's still my babies father and I can't help how I feel.

Worst part of all of this is that I've always wanted to be a mom and have a family. That has been my life's dream and all I've done so far is regret that it happened now and with him. I had a lot of girlfriends growing up who didn't, for one reason or another, have their fathers around. Most of them never did well for themselves, some having their own children young with similar deadbeats, etc. I'm worried about my daughter not having her father. He's not fit to be a father right now. He's far too immature and has no idea what it takes. I kicked him out three weeks ago and he's seen her a handful of times. I can tell he loves her, but it's too hard for him to be a dad so he gives up and goes back to his old BS. So I've filed for child support and I'm looking into getting sole custody. (The fact that he can't pass a drug test would ensure it.)

But I really didn't want to be a single mom. I really wanted a loving, healthy family for my baby and I tried really hard to make that happen. This is the absolute hardest thing I've ever done in my life and I don't know how I'm going to survive it.

eenerthegreat

I'm kinda new to this single parenthood thing, so I don't have much advice. But I do know that if your guy is as bad as you say he is, then you and your child are much better off without him. And not having a emotionally abusive deadbeat there daily is the first step to getting to the loving healthy family you want. There is no rule that says a loving healthy family has to include him.

septmom11

I have raised my DD by myself since day 1 and dont ever see that changing.  You have to be mother/father for your daughter.  Teach her values and respect for herself and others so she wont end up like the friends you described.  You are all the family she has/needs right now

moograe0326

You have definitely done the right thing in breaking up with him and kicking him out. You can't force him to be a father, he has to make that decision on his own and if he doesn't come around, then that's his burden to bare. I don't remember my birth father until I met him when I was 18 years old, he never paid my mom and kind of child support. But you know what did happen? Someone came along and she fell in love with him, he was the best father I could ask for. Family is not blood, your daughter will grow up knowing just how much you love her and you did what you had to do for HER. Remember that everything happens for a reason and she was meant to be in your life to help you!

mimimimimiiii

I have the same case as you, my due date is May 2013. Baby's dad is my age 23 years old. He broke up with me. He told me he can't handle this, he scared the baby gonna ruin his life and he worried he can't afford of having a baby in his life right now. Few weeks ago, we constantly fight over the small stuff. But he likes hanging out with friends and want to have his "freedom". I am still depressed about that. I'm so worried to be a single mom without  him support me in every ways as way.

But I figured I can't force him to be a dad when he is not ready, so I think I should just give him some alone time. It's so heart broken but I would never give up on him, I just want him to come back to me for time being. I hope he realize how much I love him, how much I want him to accept the baby and I in his life, I wouldn't want because of the small matter we end our relationship. I'm still so worried about it.I even cry everyday and night about it.

 So my advice is be strong and give him some time, let him realize how important you and the baby are for him. If you guys are meant to be with each other he would come back to you eventually. Be strong!!