WWYD ? Thunder is Being Stolen

Hayden1jl

So, God love my in-laws but they are just kind of clueless when it comes to SO many things.  We have had a ton of boundary issues with them, even before LO was born.  To put a little perspective around this, we announced to some of our extended family that we were pregnant at Christmas last year, our parents were told a few weeks prior to that.  Well FIL had apparently videotaped the announcement, my husband nor I had a clue.  Within an hour of us making the announcement at their Christmas get together, FIL had posted the video on Facebook!  We were livid, not only were we not ready to announce to the whole world, but we had not gone to my family?s party yet.  So sadly most of my dear family found out on Facebook.  We told FIL to take it down as soon as we knew what had happened, but pretty much the damage was already done.

This type of stuff happens a lot with them, and I know there is no malicious intent behind their actions but they just don?t know better, and we have had the same conversation with them over and over again.  The problem being that we can tell them ?you did something wrong? but they truly don?t understand what it is they do, despite our best efforts to communicate why it?s crossing a line. 

So the issue now?to put it nicely they are totally stealing the thunder with LO from my husband and me!  I know this is silly but, I?m at a point where it is really upsetting me.  Just a few of the things that are upsetting me....they post pictures of LO on Facebook before my husband or I have a chance too (they were the first post LO in his Halloween costume, and a video of his first giggle that we had sent just to our parents), they apparently have already sent out Christmas cards with a Christmas picture of LO that they took the last time they watched him in a Santa suit well now I find out that MIL took him to see Santa today!  WTH?? 

So how would you handle this?  I really am at a loss.  We?ve tried talking to them (nicely and not so nicely), reasoning with them, limiting what we send them and what we tell them.   But it just seems like at the end of the day they will do wrong because they don?t understand.  I don't want to cut them out but I feel myself pulling away and not wanting them to be included in anything for fear that they'll find a way to ruin it for me!   

temporalrobe

its rough, but lets look at the positive:

they are clearly in love with your little one.

 everyone who sees their posts, knows that YOU are the parents of this wonderful creature, and not them. bask in the glow of the happiness. 

 

or get quicker with the fb'ing! 

nesenotes

I think you are being a teentsie bit irrational. They obviously love your kid a lot. I would kill for my MIL to love my kid as much as she loves my niece and nephew, but its not the case.

Let them have their lime light. What is the big deal? They arent hurting anyone. Do your own thing with santa, take your own pictures, but dont beat them up for adoring your child. 

nesenotes

temporalrobe:

its rough, but lets look at the positive:

they are clearly in love with your little one.

 everyone who sees their posts, knows that YOU are the parents of this wonderful creature, and not them. bask in the glow of the happiness. 

 

or get quicker with the fb'ing! 

I am seriously loving you today!! 

Hayden1jl

MissMusic:

I would just stop sending them photos or telling them info until you're ready for the world to hear it.  If they can't keep it zipped, then stop including them until you're ok with them blabbing.

You can always unfriend them on FB so they can't access your photos.

Sending out xmas cards with your kid on it is a little much.  Taking your kid to Santa is a little much too, I would straight up tell them "This is OUR kid not YOURS."  If you want to invite them along to things like Santa thats great,and in the end you can still take LO and they won't remember going twice.

If it was me, I'd distance myself and let them know why, but I don't know if thats the best way to handle it. It sounds like talking to them isn't working so you might have to try something else.

 

I really feel like distance is way it is going, not sure if it's right or not but it's the only way I see handling this.  It's unfortuante because I know they do it out of love, but it is my child and I want those firsts. 

Hayden1jl

nesenotes:

I think you are being a teentsie bit irrational. They obviously love your kid a lot. I would kill for my MIL to love my kid as much as she loves my niece and nephew, but its not the case.

Let them have their lime light. What is the big deal? They arent hurting anyone. Do your own thing with santa, take your own pictures, but dont beat them up for adoring your child. 

 Yes I know, it probably is irrational and probably why I haven't done anything drastic with it yet.  But it is so hard in the moment.  I can't help how I feel, I let it get the best of me sometimes. 

temporalrobe

but then you are punishing your child, and that's not cool. 

reinedecajun

nesenotes:

temporalrobe:

its rough, but lets look at the positive:

they are clearly in love with your little one.

 everyone who sees their posts, knows that YOU are the parents of this wonderful creature, and not them. bask in the glow of the happiness. 

 

or get quicker with the fb'ing! 

I am seriously loving you today!! 

All of this!

genkidesu

i'd definitely be pissed too. this is not their info to be sharing. you've said you have already talked to them about this many times, so i have no idea why they are being so thick and not getting it. by this point, i would be extremely not nice. i agree about just not showing them anything unless you are ready for the world to see it. sad it has to be that way though. taking you LO to see santa without you though would REALLY piss me off. 

maybe an extremely stern talk with a, "now repeat what i just said to you, back to me" at the end? lol...that, or a hot pink post it note on their monitor saying, "DO NOT POST ABOUT LO ONLINE" maybe haha...not sure. just wanted to let you know that i would be pissed too. 

tazmm18

Hayden1jl:

So, God love my in-laws but they are just kind of clueless when it comes to SO many things.  We have had a ton of boundary issues with them, even before LO was born.  To put a little perspective around this, we announced to some of our extended family that we were pregnant at Christmas last year, our parents were told a few weeks prior to that.  Well FIL had apparently videotaped the announcement, my husband nor I had a clue.  Within an hour of us making the announcement at their Christmas get together, FIL had posted the video on Facebook!  We were livid, not only were we not ready to announce to the whole world, but we had not gone to my family?s party yet.  So sadly most of my dear family found out on Facebook.  We told FIL to take it down as soon as we knew what had happened, but pretty much the damage was already done.

This type of stuff happens a lot with them, and I know there is no malicious intent behind their actions but they just don?t know better, and we have had the same conversation with them over and over again.  The problem being that we can tell them ?you did something wrong? but they truly don?t understand what it is they do, despite our best efforts to communicate why it?s crossing a line. 

So the issue now?to put it nicely they are totally stealing the thunder with LO from my husband and me!  I know this is silly but, I?m at a point where it is really upsetting me.  Just a few of the things that are upsetting me....they post pictures of LO on Facebook before my husband or I have a chance too (they were the first post LO in his Halloween costume, and a video of his first giggle that we had sent just to our parents), they apparently have already sent out Christmas cards with a Christmas picture of LO that they took the last time they watched him in a Santa suit well now I find out that MIL took him to see Santa today!  WTH?? 

So how would you handle this?  I really am at a loss.  We?ve tried talking to them (nicely and not so nicely), reasoning with them, limiting what we send them and what we tell them.   But it just seems like at the end of the day they will do wrong because they don?t understand.  I don't want to cut them out but I feel myself pulling away and not wanting them to be included in anything for fear that they'll find a way to ruin it for me!   

This is my mother to a T and I feel the same way that you do about it.  She acts like LO is her child and not her grandchild.  No other grandparents are acting like this. I have no advice because I am at a loss as well.  Sorry you are having to deal with this but know that you are not alone.

Hayden1jl

Thank you for the opinions everyone.  Depending on what day you catch me I could agree with what you all have said.  I go back and forth between saying "let it go, they love your son" and feeling like they are honestly depriving me of something special.  This time is special and it is going by so fast, I just don?t want to feel like I missed out on anymore then I already do. 

My husband just called?I forgot to mention that the only way I found out that MIL took LO to see Santa is because she had posted pictures of their visit today on Facebook.  But anyway he just saw the post is really upset.  He wants to talk tonight about how we can approach this with them.  Your thoughts have given me some ideas.

Thanks!    

 

reinedecajun

tazmm18:

Hayden1jl:

So, God love my in-laws but they are just kind of clueless when it comes to SO many things.  We have had a ton of boundary issues with them, even before LO was born.  To put a little perspective around this, we announced to some of our extended family that we were pregnant at Christmas last year, our parents were told a few weeks prior to that.  Well FIL had apparently videotaped the announcement, my husband nor I had a clue.  Within an hour of us making the announcement at their Christmas get together, FIL had posted the video on Facebook!  We were livid, not only were we not ready to announce to the whole world, but we had not gone to my family?s party yet.  So sadly most of my dear family found out on Facebook.  We told FIL to take it down as soon as we knew what had happened, but pretty much the damage was already done.

This type of stuff happens a lot with them, and I know there is no malicious intent behind their actions but they just don?t know better, and we have had the same conversation with them over and over again.  The problem being that we can tell them ?you did something wrong? but they truly don?t understand what it is they do, despite our best efforts to communicate why it?s crossing a line. 

So the issue now?to put it nicely they are totally stealing the thunder with LO from my husband and me!  I know this is silly but, I?m at a point where it is really upsetting me.  Just a few of the things that are upsetting me....they post pictures of LO on Facebook before my husband or I have a chance too (they were the first post LO in his Halloween costume, and a video of his first giggle that we had sent just to our parents), they apparently have already sent out Christmas cards with a Christmas picture of LO that they took the last time they watched him in a Santa suit well now I find out that MIL took him to see Santa today!  WTH?? 

So how would you handle this?  I really am at a loss.  We?ve tried talking to them (nicely and not so nicely), reasoning with them, limiting what we send them and what we tell them.   But it just seems like at the end of the day they will do wrong because they don?t understand.  I don't want to cut them out but I feel myself pulling away and not wanting them to be included in anything for fear that they'll find a way to ruin it for me!   

This is my mother to a T and I feel the same way that you do about it.  She acts like LO is her child and not her grandchild.  No other grandparents are acting like this. I have no advice because I am at a loss as well.  Sorry you are having to deal with this but know that you are not alone.

 

I suppose I feel differently because lo's grandmother has only seen him 4 times in 5 months. Doesn't take pictures of him or come see him or anything. Some attention would be nice. Especially since he's the only grandchild. I would like her to be a little boastful. 

KarmB

MissMusic:

I would just stop sending them photos or telling them info until you're ready for the world to hear it.  If they can't keep it zipped, then stop including them until you're ok with them blabbing.

You can always unfriend them on FB so they can't access your photos.

Sending out xmas cards with your kid on it is a little much.  Taking your kid to Santa is a little much too, I would straight up tell them "This is OUR kid not YOURS."  If you want to invite them along to things like Santa thats great,and in the end you can still take LO and they won't remember going twice.

If it was me, I'd distance myself and let them know why, but I don't know if thats the best way to handle it. It sounds like talking to them isn't working so you might have to try something else.

this. My mother is a little wild too. (giving her oatmeal before we were ready etc). I hate it. i think the santa thing is a little much. i know im in th eminority, but I find it a little....weird.

GreenMonkey1

Hayden1jl:

This type of stuff happens a lot with them, and I know there is no malicious intent behind their actions but they just don?t know better, and we have had the same conversation with them over and over again.  The problem being that we can tell them ?you did something wrong? but they truly don?t understand what it is they do, despite our best efforts to communicate why it?s crossing a line. 

My MIL tells everybody everything so we are very careful what we share with her - nothing that we don't want released to the world immediately after we leave the house.  We learned that the hard way, although luckily MIL doesn't FB or there would be way more reach.

My question - what do you mean by "they don't understand"?  They might not understand why you want to be the first to do whatever, but certainly they understand that you are asking them not to do something.  For me, the issue would be more that they aren't respecting our wishes rather than they don't understand our rationale. So I guess I would ask them why they continue to do something you have specifically asked them not to do.  Way easier said than done. 

michaela080

I guess I'm in the minority on this. My parents post pics of Rob all the time if they are babysitting him. I wouldn't want them taking him to see Santa without me, but I invited them to go when we went and I wanted them to post their pics so I didn't have to take them, and I just tagged myself and DH in them. My mom re-posts most of my pics and has Rob's pic as her profile pic. She is just showing her friends her grandchild. I love how much she wants to see him and do things with him.