Another MIL vent.....
Soooo last night my MIL wanted to take my F and I to dinner to celebrate his medic school graduation. We are currently trying to move into our new home but it has been needing some minor renovations. My F is very busy as a full time Medic student and a fire fighter, but I am also busy with a full time internship, part time job, and ya know GROWING A HUMAN!
Anyway, my MIL rudely asks what I have been doing to help with our home. SCUSE ME? what can I do??? paint? put up dry wall? install baseboards?? move furniture? replace the electric?? THEN she has the audacity to say, "O I know what you can do! You can finish rubbing the magic eraser on the white leather furniture" I'm thinking b**ch I'll tell you what YOU can do!!!
This has been a long drama revolving her bridezilla tendencies. So I also happened to mention to her that my shower is going to be 1/20 the week before her wedding. That is just when the date worked out for various reasons. She whips out her calendar and begins to suggest other dates because 1/20 "won't work for her" neither will the following w/e since she'll be out of town. I'm sitting over here thinking PLEASE DON"T COME!!!
I think what I am most upset about is that I have known her for over 9 years and she has NEVER given off Monster-in-law tendencies until about a month ago. I want back who she was 
Something like this literally happens at least every other day.....
Anyone else experience a different person once a baby is expected? or when things in your relationship were taking the next step in general?
Re: Another MIL vent.....
Sorry I'm confused. Why can't you help with the renos? They have a TON of low/no VOC paints that are fine to use while pg. holding drywall is not that hard. I get the electrical stuff for lack of knowledge. Dh and I are redoing our main floor in our home and so far have painted the ceilings, walls, trim and doors. We are going to be ripping out the carpets and laminate flooring and installing hardwood (and new baseboard and quarter round), as well as painting out all the cabinetry in the kitchen. I have and plan to continue to help out in all aspects. I couldn't rewire the kitchen light because I didn't have the knowledge. it had nothing to do with be pg.
Just throwing it out there, but maybe she didn't change, maybe you are just super hormonal. I get along great with my MIL, even though we have our own struggles. I know she would be super hurt if I planned the baby shower on a day she couldn't make it. if you had such a great relationship up until a month ago why are you so willing to exclude her now.
I think you are being super judgey, don't know the whole situation, and its not like I haven't lifted a finger to help. I didn't necessarily have a "great" relationship with her before it was neither good nor bad.It was just what you consider "there"
Also, my whole point is that is is absolutely none of her business what he and I are doing. She is MORE THAN WELCOME to help out too, but chooses not to. I'm not expecting her to help, I just don't think she needs to find jobs for me to do in my own home.Its not like she can't make the baby shower, its just a week before her wedding.
OP - this is not overly judgy at all... Hormones rage and all pregnant ladies experience it. I get that you guys are busy but I know my MIL would be very hurt if I didn't check with her before setting the shower date to make sure she could make it - esp since it is her first grandchild.
As for the renovations and things - yeah, you can help with some thing but I also get not wanting to overdo it. Over stress isn't good for a pregnancy.
I agree that it's none of her business what you are doing around the house and such but I don't think Trish&Pete07 was being judgey with her response. To be honest we can only reply to what you post and what information is in that post. You're absolutely right we don't have the full back story we only know what you tell us.
I understand being pregnant, tired and irritable but I would just take a deep breath and let your MIL criticisms go in one ear and out the other. There's no point being upset about it when you know you're doing what you feel is right.
With regards to the shower it's the hosts job to inform people. So presuming you aren't hosting your own shower your MIL can take it up with the host and I'd just stay mum about it.
With the renos I say if it would help you out and speed up the reno process you could pick up a brush or help as a runner for someone doing stuff being pregnant doesn't really count that out. I'll be 16 weeks this weekend and I've already laid a subfloor, painted and will be putting in laminate on Monday. It's doable just go at your own pace.
I totally get what you are saying, but I do constant stuff all the time! Just not what she is aware of (aka the "big" stuff. My F literally will NOT let me paint even with low VOC because he is scared of autism. I just don't think it is any of her business and that is what makes me defensive. Also, I don't have a choice but to have the shower the weekend I said due to the fact that 3 of my friends are all PG with boys and we are ALL due in March therefore, 1/20 was the only date available for me when dates were chosen by our hosts. (we are all hosting eachother's showers) We are such a close knit group of friends that literally the exact same people will be attending all showers. Plus my MIL chose her wedding date without asking me. I, honestly, am not confrontational.
I also AM hormonal, I don't deny it. This is the ONLY grandchild she will ever have, and this is prob a deeper issue but I am very resentful that she never asks anything about the baby EVER, never asks if theres anything she can do....its all about her and her third freaking wedding and I'm just sick of it. She can be happy and do what she wants but meanwhile she has no right to dictate when my shower is when she can be there and nobody asked for her help (she just has to show up) and she has no right to tell me what I should be doing in my house. I literally work 70 hours a week, take an extra class, and am 6 months pregnant. I'm tired and pissed.
I really appreciate your response. I honestly just wanted to vent not lectured! Thats a great idea to have him remind her of that!
Judgmental b/c we are not agreeing with you? And if it is going to be her only grandchild, why are you being the monster to exclude her from the one and only baby shower she will get to experience?
Sounds like you are spreading yourself too thin and allowing yourself to become the monster that you see in others, particularly your MIL. Perhaps the age old lesson of a little respect can go both ways would apply here. Have you asked her about her wedding? Honestly and respectively asked her if she needs help, even if it's just a ear to listen to the latest woes?
Perhaps you need to look in the mirror before you begin pointing fingers and take a moment to breath through the horomones.
I think you are just a wee bit sensitive. Have you asked her about the wedding? Or do you just want to talk about the baby? Maybe she feels the same way.
And about the renovations, who cares? So what if your FI is doing all of them? Who really cares? And he should be the one to address is. "Mom, quit giving her a hard time about the renovations."
None of us are there to know both sides to be judging either of you but I will tell you this....What happens now can possibly affect the rest of your lives. You definitely do not want to have a horrible relationship with your InLaws, ever. This will affect your relationship with her, your husband and by affect your child some day.
Your hormones may want to punch her in the face LOL Take a deep breath and remind yourself that is the mother of the man you love with all of your heart. You don't want to hurt him in any way. The stresses of the pregnancy, school, new home, her weddign will soon be gone.
See her only when necessary if she drives you that nuts. Then vent to your husband but don't ask him to get in the middle he will have to do that on his own when he sees how much she bothers you. You don't want to put more stress on this by asking him to say something. It may cause you two to fight and you definitely don't need that!
Deep breaths and happy thoughts
Good luck!
what else you YOU prefer me to call her for the sake of this long convo? Please....I have been with her son for nine straight years. She's my MIL
Plus read what I said before making ignorant comments about it...
Anyway, this was an effing VENT! My question was if anyone could relate to their "SO's mother" becoming different
I did notice a change in my relationship with MIL after my 1st was born. Beforehand, we had a pretty good relationship, she would take me shopping for baby stuff, take me out to eat when she came to town (before we found out I was preg), and would text back and forth fairly regularly.
However, I had different ideas on raising DD. I didn't think she needed mashed potatoes at 4 weeks, or at barely a year she needed to be drinking soda. DD hated car rides when she was little, and MIL didn't think a baby should EVER cry, and if baby did cry, I was doing something wrong. Things have been getting a bit better now that DD is almost 2. I'm hoping that most of our disagreements came out during newborn stage last time, and maybe things will go smoother this go round, but I don't think things will ever be quite the same.
WOW! Seriously?! I didn't realize that there was so many critical posters on here, lol! I understand about the MIL situation, whether you're married or not, you've been with him for quite a while- she's been your MIL! My experience with mine, however, was never great but we were cordial and spoke whenever we saw each other. I'm 15 weeks pregnant and she has never congratulated us, asked about the baby or anything- she's my stepMIL, let me add. My DH and I went to his dad's house after thanksgiving to see them and she was so critical, not the least bit excited- just unpleasant overall. So no, you're not the only one to have a crappy (or should I say crabby) MIL.
Go ahead and vent girl, we all need to from time to time!