Special Needs
What do you do about in laws questioning doctor????????
My DS went into the doctor today for well check. I have had other people commenting about my DS behavior being off ( he refuses to eat skin off of food, he freaks out if you interfer with what he is trying to do, he lines up cars and wants them all facing the same way, gets upset if you accidently mess up his car line, he hates loud noises gets scared, very bossy, wants to you to do things the way he tells you, doesn't any routine change, ect) So I talked with his doctor and he said that it is not normal bbehavior. He said wants DS to see therapist to try and help with things like sensory and texture stuff. He also said that things may get worse. He said that could be Aspergers but that they don't like to diagnose this young that we will try the therapy and watch how things go. When I let father in law know he was questioning everything the doctor said. He even said he was digging in his heels. I am fustrated I don't need this on top of everything else. I understand it isn't easy to hear. How should I respond or deal with this. I am fustrated!!!!!!!
Jenn
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Re: What do you do about in laws questioning doctor????????
My parents are like this with both of my kids. Really--I just don't talk about it with them anymore. When we have an official diagnosis I will share it with people.
I have some suspicions my DD might be on the spectrum so I'm having her evaluated at the local children's hospital at the child neurodevelopment center. It's a 3-4 hour eval and includes not only a neurologist but a whole team including a SLP/OT/child psychiatrist. I asked him the other day if they diagnose her with something would he believe it then. He said no. lol. He thinks he knows more than doctors do. I think it's far too difficult to believe anything might be wrong. He also is old school and pictures autism as the media portrays. He thinks it's impossible for a social kid that plays appropriately to be on the spectrum. I've tried to explain to him that kids with autism are all very different and there's higher functioning kids but he thinks I'm crazy.
They mention how silly it is we do all this therapy because when the kids are "late bloomers". I just change the subject. I talk to my DH about the kids' therapy sessions and how they're doing and that's it. Everyone else is mostly in the dark.
If you don't think it'll do any good, or it'll cause you more stress, don't respond.
He's going to dig in his heels? Fine. Let him. You can't force him to accept a dx. His opinion counts zero in treatment decisions, and if he's not going to be helpful and supportive or at least give the benefit of the doubt, he gets kept out of the loop -- on a need to know basis, he doesn't need to know.
Focus on your son and his needs. Try not to let FIL's obstructionism get to you, for all the reasons auntie mentioned.
We didn't tell anyone that DD1 was being evaluated for this very reason -- I didn't want to deal with well-meaning friends and family who knew zip about autism telling me my kid was fine when they really had no basis for that. We did share, after we had a definite dx; luckily, nobody questioned our professional evaluation. Or if they did, they've kept it to themselves.
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
Auntie,
His obsessed with trucks and owls. He knows almost every owls name and can look at pictures for long periods of time. He can play with his cars for hours and hours.He only wants to play by lining them up and then putting them back in box and lining them up again.He also only wants hotwheel cars together they can not be mixed with other cars. Thanks for your advice!
The first words out of my dad's mouth when I told him the Dx were "Doctors are only practicing." I know he doesn't believe DS is autistic, however, when I mentioned he loved the trampoline at his first OT session he bought us one. When I mentioned we were saving up for an IPad because with thought it would help DS he bought us an older used one...I think he accepts it in his own way without really acknowledging it.
His/our family is also full of, to put it mildly, quirky people. I would put money on my uncle, his brother, being Dx with and ASD if her was ever evaluated. My dad was describing him on his last visit and it was like he was going down one of those check lists for ASD red flags and just reading them. I'd also bet my dad is an autistic cousin. Then there's me, I showed my sister a letter I wrote with just some general info about DS and how ASD affects him. She in so many words told me I was describing my self as a child (she's 10 years older). As I pay more attention I do wonder about myself a little bit. So my kid's atypical traits are not all that atypical in my dad's mind.
If my dad was rude or constantly questioning me and not being supportive of my choices I`d limit what I tell him. Even now I only share the basics and other than telling me DS will be fine he keeps any negative comments to himself.
I hope you FIL comes around too.
DS 09/2008
Sounds a lot like my DD who also has Asperger's. At that age, she was obsessed with cars and lining them up and they could only be cars that had doors that opened or shut (not matchbox) or else that would be a huge tantrum because she could not open and shut the doors repeatedly. She, like Auntie's son, was also diagnosed at age 7.
Her biological father's parents still think nothing is "wrong" with her. It took my parents reading several informational papers as well as her report from the neuropsychologist to believe it. They said she was like me when I was a kid. DH and I believe I am at least an ASD "cousin." Just do what you feel is right for your kid and forget everyone else.
Auntie- How funny! I'm doing better. I'm able to compose myself most of the day but the nights are really hard. Something about when it's dark and I have nothing else to think about. I've been taking Melatonin to sleep which isn't something I have ever done before. I've only been to work for half a day though (on Friday) and I teared up a few times. I'm not looking forward to work next week because I can keep myself more distracted at home doing things and at work things get monotonous and I'm afraid I'll start thinking about it. He was just too young for this and I am super concerned about his kiddos.