Money Talk, WDYD? [NTTCAL related]

katharine25

Not TTCAL related but I'm curious as DH and I seem to have an issue in this department.

The long and the short of it is I have a salaried position, DH has his own business. I'm a frugal spender, a saver and cover all the big bills. DH is an "artiste" and had all the traits that come along with that... Money is like water in his hands.... Or a woman at a shoe store.... Fortunately, He defaults to me when it comes to this stuff, but something about our current system just isn't working and needs a serious renovation, and I wonder how other people manage their joint money, beyond the big ticket items [ie let's assume we're all paying our mortgage, car paymets, groceries etc].

Do you have a firm monthly budget that you stick to? Seperate accounts for spending money? An "allowance" per se,? Etc. I'm especially curious to hear from people whose incomes are a bit more variable or couples where one of the spouses isn't as financially frugal as the other.

lindsayanne14

I am also salaried and my DH is in commission based sales.  We are both pretty responsible with spending and agree on most money management decisions.  We have a joint checking that we each deposit a set amount (equal) each month to cover mortgage, bills, household expensenses.  We each have a checking and savings that we manage on our own and use for "personal" purchases (shopping, gas, dinners with friends, golf, etc...).  We have a joint credit card that we use if we are going on vacation, buying something large that was unplanned (like when our dishwasher broke) and also for grocerries.  We pay this off as one of our bills from our joint account and the amount we pay on it varies according to what we owe on it.  Once we get some of our credit card paid down (it's not really high, but we had a few unplanned expenses) we plan on opening a joint savings so we don't have to use the credit card as much and also because we want to build a home in a few years and need to save some cash.  This system works pretty well for us.  I like to have a bit of my "own" money to spend on things he thinks are silly, like shoes! I think he likes it too because he eats lunch out a lot. way more than I think is nessesary! 

lovelainie

DH and I don't really 'share' money. We tried to, in the beginning of our relationships, and it just ended up causing a lot of unnecessary fighting. 

I direct-deposit a certain amount of money into the savings account, which is an amount we determined by figuring out our bills, and then I give the savings account my share of the 'bill money.'

Other than that, my money is my money, and his money is his. Big purchases and home-repair/upkeep are discussed at length, but other than that, we keep our money separate.

That being said, we're slowly trying to figure up an actual budget, and start integrating our finances, but it's been... stressful.  

buggirl72

We have separate accounts.  DH's is his spending account. His check is direct deposited into that one and we/I transfer money into my account which is used to pay bills.  We also move over what we can into savings. All of our accounts are joint and we both have access but we only have our individual debit cards linked to one account.

We really did not plan on having separate accounts for spending but with online bill pay I like having that money separated from the rest (since it shows in my account until the bank issues a check).  It works for us.  When DH was out of work we did stick to a tighter budget but now the "budget" is a little more open. 

ravenclaw1

we have one pot that all our money goes into. H makes waaaaaaay more than I do, so it wouldn't even be close if we did the "I pay this, you pay that" deal

both of us are quite frugal, and we've never had to have a money talk. we discuss any purchases over $100, and if we see we're going overboard one month, we discuss and cut back. we each have a personal credit card we use for stuff that we just don't want on the joint one (gifts, etc.), and the other credit card we pay for pretty much everything on is joint.

I'm thankful that we've never had to worry about it - I have some friends who it's a constant source of problems. 

SA1112

I'm salaried and DH is basecommission and he also can't save a dime. We put out money together and pay for everything from one account. Early on before we were married we tried the two separate and one joint and basically he would never have money because he spends and doesn't save and sometimes would spend more than he had. We went to one account and I handle all the money. We're in much better shape financially due to it although I don't think he likes giving up "control" of the spending but its what needed to happen for us and keep DH from repeating past mistakes. Sounds really controlling but he does appreciate it and how much more sound we are financially.

Adam2010

I am a salaried employee- a preschool teacher and DH is paid by commission- Frito Lay distributor. I am very frugal- he likes to spend money. 

With that said, we are on a VERY tight budget. Our total income for the month goes to bills total- this includes groceries and gas for the cars. So we sit down the beginning of each month and make a list for each week and who will pay what each week. It is a tentative schedule since we don't know how much DH paycheck will be each week so we tweek it each pay day and readjust for the next week.

FWIW- DH used to like to spend money and wouldn't tell me about little purchases but bc our budget is so tight now we have to talk about every little purchase just to make ends meet.

HTH! GL! 

katharine25

Adam2010:

I am a salaried employee a preschool teacher and DH is paid by commission Frito Lay distributor. I am very frugal he likes to spend money.nbsp;With that said, we are on a VERY tight budget. Our total income for the month goes to bills total this includes groceries and gas for the cars. So we sit down the beginning of each month and make a list for each week and who will pay what each week. It is a tentative schedule since we don't know how much DH paycheck will be each week so we tweek it each pay day and readjust for the next week. FWIW DH used to like to spend money and wouldn't tell me about little purchases but bc our budget is so tight now we have to talk about every little purchase just to make ends meet.HTH! GL!nbsp;

I like the monthly meeting idea. Some months we're super tight and others we're just fine. We also have to take into account business expenses purchases which is where we get into trouble. I feel like I'm always yelling at him after the fact

LSzwaya

We have a very varied income situation. Because of the nature of DH's work our income is largely dictated by the trade show schedule. He has months where he brings in 15 to 20k and some months where he doesn't work at all. Naturally, we spend more the months her brings in a lot because those months we made bigger purchases, home repairs etc. The months he brings in a lot less or nothing at all we rarely spend. DH is also a bit less frugal or diligent with sticking to a budget because to him money comes and goes and some how we always make ends meet. This probably isn't very helpful but I understand where you're coming from!

katharine25

LSzwaya:

We have a very varied income situation. Because of the nature of DH's work our income is largely dictated by the trade show schedule. He has months where he brings in 15 to 20k and some months where he doesn't work at all. Naturally, we spend more the months her brings in a lot because those months we made bigger purchases, home repairs etc. The months he brings in a lot less or nothing at all we rarely spend. DH is also a bit less frugal or diligent with sticking to a budget because to him money comes and goes and some how we always make ends meet. This probably isn't very helpful but I understand where you're coming from!

Everything in life is a damn rollercoaster!

LAMCH1980

Our incomes are varied.  DH is salaried. I am self-employed and make less than half of what he makes and my paycheck is different from week to week.  We have several accounts.

We each have certain bills that we pay:

Ex: DH pays mortgage and any of his car, 4 wheeler, medical bills etc. I pay all of our utilities, insurance,  my medical bills, DD's bills, groceries etc. Any extra goes into savings accounts. 

I have to admit, money can be a sticky subject in any marriage. We review what the expenses are regularly, but I am in charge of the bills and think that he doesn't really understand how much our expenses are.  He's always wanting to buy something more and stretch our resources more than I want to.  Every day he thinks of something new he wants and I am turning him down.  We discuss all purchases over $150.

km_md

Now this may make some of you look at me differently, but I'll tell you how we work lol

 DH is awful with money. And he will admit it. He did a couple of bad things a while ago, not really meaning to, and I lost it lol From the time we bought our house, all of the big bills have come out of my account. So I never have to worry about those. It was just the way we both wanted it. After the screw ups on DH's part, he agreed to give me his pay every 2 weeks, and I do what needs to be done. I give him money for gas and that is about it. He doesn't have credit cards in his possession either. I have a crazy OCD filing system in my office where I keep track of all of our bills. I know how much they are, and I know when they come out. After all of the bills are paid, money goes into savings and if either of us wants/needs to buy something we discuss it first. This has worked pretty well for us. At least while I'm not making very much money.  

shellyco

MH makes all the money and I spend it- meaning I'm in charge of all the bills and the budget.  It's different for us right now because I'm a full-time grad student, but MH is the WORST with money.  He likes to take tons of cash out of the ATM just to have big bills in his wallet.  And everyone know that when you carry lots of cash you spend it frivilously- at least he spends it frivilously!  I take care of all of the bills and keep track of how much we have in the account.  MH does not respond well to a budget.  I don't know how much of it is him being forgetful or him not even trying to stay on budget. 

For a while I made him tell me every time he spent money, and gave him a limit for what he could take out in cash per month.  That was a lot of work for me and he felt like a little kid.  I have a big, big problem with the cash withdrawal- I can't see what he is spending money on (usually gas station snacks and whatever he sees that he wants when he is traveling for work). 

ETA:  It's probobaly obvious as I don't have a job, but we have a joint account and all the money goes there (and wll when I am salaried too).

So, all of this rambling just tells you that you're not alone!  It's a battle in our house too.  Once we add my salary to the mix we'll have to revisit everything again. 

MamaWomat

Bethelgal42:

I'm a bit of a nerd, so I actually have spreadsheets that track all our budgets and an app on my phone that tracks our envelopes.

 Me too! (well, spreadsheets, no smartphone, so no ap).  I love Excel...  

I'm salaried and DH is in school. All our funds go into one account and expenses come out. Right now, our budget is pretty tight, so there's not really enough discretionary income to even really disagree about. Beer vs. chocolate maybe (usually ends in a tie) 

  

katharine25

maddielynn321:

I'm going to take this opportunity to say we have a weekly budget check in on Tuesday of each week!nbsp;Aside of from, I'm really surprised how many people have completelynbsp;separatenbsp;accounts, this is my money, that is yours and not just little fun money accounts. nbsp;Obviously, whatever works, it's not my business, it's just kind of interesting.nbsp;We have three accounts. Our savings and then two checking accounts. We have a "Bills" checking account that only has checks and then a "Spending Account" checking account. Our checks go straight into our bills account. I transfer money into our savings account. I then transfer money for gas and a set allowance for each week for the both of us into the "Spending Account" that we have debit cards for.

1. How have I not noticed this check in? Head up my butt apparently
2. This makes so much sense. Simple and so clear. I assume the spending account is based on a fair idea of what your regular budget is as well.

So many ideas. Now for the hard part: the follow through

Rachaeleigh

I know I"m late to the convo but I like that you brought this up. My DH makes the majority of our money right now. I only work on a casual/PRN basis while in grad school. We're actually both pretty good with money...surprisingly. I've calmed down a bit. I used to keep speadsheets of my spending, itemized and all.

We each kept our own accounts once we got married and then just added each other to each account. That was mostly because we each have payments coming out of each account and havent yet felt like changing all of that info.

We've also been meaning forever to set a budget. We just don't. Just like we never set a budget for our wedding. Like I said, we're both pretty responsible, don't overdraft, pay off credit cards each month, put money in savings, etc....I guess we've just never needed a budget

Here's the embarrasing part for me. Not that its embarrasing for anyone else, its just so different than what I'm used to. Since being married, I really don't even know what some of our bills are. No idea. DH takes care of all of that stuff. I'm ok with it now while trying to finish school but its always been important to me to know whats going on financially. Like, if DH were to God forbid drop dead...I think it would be important for me to know whats going on and I just don't. *sigh*

Honestly, we don't fight about money. We disagree every once in awhile but we make it a point to talk about finances as much as possible to keep everything in the open.

Adam2010

katharine25:

Adam2010:

I am a salaried employee a preschool teacher and DH is paid by commission Frito Lay distributor. I am very frugal he likes to spend money.nbsp;With that said, we are on a VERY tight budget. Our total income for the month goes to bills total this includes groceries and gas for the cars. So we sit down the beginning of each month and make a list for each week and who will pay what each week. It is a tentative schedule since we don't know how much DH paycheck will be each week so we tweek it each pay day and readjust for the next week. FWIW DH used to like to spend money and wouldn't tell me about little purchases but bc our budget is so tight now we have to talk about every little purchase just to make ends meet.HTH! GL!nbsp;

I like the monthly meeting idea. Some months we're super tight and others we're just fine. We also have to take into account business expenses purchases which is where we get into trouble. I feel like I'm always yelling at him after the fact

Yeah DH hates them and whines like a baby when I tell him it is time to go over bills but it is the only way to do it around here Oh, and I forgot to mention that DH and I have separate bank accounts as well. So whatever we decide each pays they are responsible to pay it on time.

And, I think the yelling just comes with the territory I don't think anyone likes doing budgets or bills but we have to be adults- right? I just think men are like kids having their moms make them do hw or something and whine like that will get them out of it! haha!

GL on the business expense part! that has to be difficult! I am no help in that dept. sorry 

Adam2010

Bethelgal42:

We combine our incomes together and have one big budget and all our bills come out of it.  We have separate envelopes for different categories that we use cash for like my spending money and his spending money.  Then when the cash is gone, you can't spend anymore.  That helps with my DH, the spender, too.

I'm a bit of a nerd, so I actually have spreadsheets that track all our budgets and an app on my phone that tracks our envelopes.

 

Oooo, I am surprised at how organized you are and a bit jealous that I am not a bit more computer savy to be able to make a spread sheet. I must admit we have a large calendar that we write down what bill is due each day for that month and then write checklists of who will pay what depending on the week. (I forgot to mention that I get paid every two weeks and DH gets paid every week so I usually take the bigger things and pay like rent, car, gas, groc, daycare- and DH pays utilities and other bills like medical and credit cards) It is a lot of work and papers are all over my dresser in the bedroom- wish I have found and easier way to keep track but we are still working on it  

lolee465

I work for the bank we use so I do all of the banking/bill paying. DH is a big spender, but he's good about wanting me to take control of it. So we talked about a budget, and both get a weekly 'allowance'. I'm pretty frugal, and get anxiety over not having a decent savings account. I don't hold money of his head though and when he wants to make a bigger purchase I don't tell him no, but we discuss anything that we have to touch our joint savings for.

We have:

A joint savings account that we try not to touch

A bills account that we pay cc payments, utilities, and grocery shopping out of,

Another bills account that the mortgage, insurance, and both car payments automatically come out of-this account accumulates savings too since we have more go in a week than we need,

We each have 'everyday accounts' (that DH brings down to almost a zero balance every week and I being the saver...try to let it accumulate),

We both have a personal savings account just for extras we might want or gifts.

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Mrs.E.07

While I do work during the summers and stuff, I'm in school full-time so DH makes 99% of our money. We put all of our earnings (which is mostly DH's salary but like I said, I do work during the summers, so I do make some money) into the same account. Everything comes out of that account - bills, savings, and spending money. We have a certain amount allocated for saving every month (short-term and long-term savings). We also each get a certain amount of spending money each month. The amount is the same for both of us.

This system works great for us, and the only tricky thing can be deciding whether a purchase is fun money or a joint expense. If something's unclear, we discuss it. And sometimes we re-evaluate and change the category of something. But the gist of it is that anything that's for both of us is joint, and anything that's just for one of us is fun money. There are some exceptions, but that's basically how we reason. Clothes in general come out of fun money, with some exceptions. We have different priorities in terms of what we want to spend our fun money on, so it works out really well. We're both pretty frugal in general (although DH is even more so), so that helps.