I'm not sure where else to go but I just found out my friend had her beautiful full term son and that he was stillborn. I don't know what to do or say or not say or not do and I was hoping you could offer me some guidance. is there something I can do in his memory or a donation somewhere or something to show that I am thinking of them other than flowers or a card?
Thank you all
Re: **Ticker warning** Advice for how to help a friend...
My best suggestion is to read the blog that people on the board put together - it has some tips on how to help.
I know everyone is different, and others may have different insight, but I would just follow her cues. Let her know that you're thinking about her, maybe send over some food and a card, but give her space and time if she needs it. During the first few weeks after my loss, I really didn't want to be around people. I loved that a lot of people came to the memorial, but after that, I just wanted to shut myself away. My best friend would text every now and then to see how I was doing, and she just let me unload when I needed to. It was nice to have someone to unload to who was there just to listen.
I'm so sorry about your friend's loss. You're a great friend for wanting to find ways to help her as she heals.
I'm so sorry for your friends loss, I think it's really great of you to ask for advice on how to help her. The things that people did for me that I really appreciated was making food and dropping it off, I couldn't really eat but I was glad that DH had food. I still have some friends who text or email once a week just to ask how I'm doing, it really means a lot that they haven't forgotten about me and more importantly they haven't forgotten about my daughter. Don't pretend like it didn't happen, and not talking about it doesn't make it hurt any less for her. Let her know that she can talk to you about her son anytime she wants. There's nothing you can say to make this okay for her, so let her talk if she wants. Hope this helps.
Jillian Rose- born 8/26/12 at 24 weeks. "It broke my heart to lose you but you didn't go alone, for a part of me went with you, the day God took you home"
I love you always, my beautiful girl.
Hysteroscopy 3/1/13 Dx: Unicornuate uterus
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BFP 3/18/13- Please be our Rainbow, we love you so much already.
6/4/13-Found out we're having a BOY!!
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Thank you both... I know that there is nothing I can do and that what I went through with a preemie is NOTHING compared to this and I am not comparing, honestly, but I do know that many times those with the best intentions said things that hurt so badly that I felt like they didn't care and I'm trying to be extremely cautious with that. I sent her a text and just said that I'm praying for her and her son and that if she needs anything I am here. I really appreciated the list of things not to say on the blog... I wish I could post that on her FB page for everyone to read but I won't of course... I wish I could.
I am going to wait a bit until I do anything else because right now I'm afraid it will cause more pain and that's the last thing I want to do. I don't live close enough to help around the house but I will send a gift card for somewhere that delivers food.
Thank you and T&P for you all!
Could you please add a ticker warning? We have some recent loss moms whose angels are the same age as you LO and tickers can be hard to see.
I'm sorry for your friend's loss.
? to Loss+M/PL+TTCAL+PgAL+PAL
PgAL/PAL welcome