***PAL Check-In***

Mrs Nice

Hello Ladies.Welcome to Thursday PAL Check-in! I hope everyone is having a good week. If anyone has any suggestions for questions, please don't be shy!Where are you in your PAL journey? What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently? QOTW: What has been your biggest challenge being a parent after a loss so far? Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

julesverne

Where are you in your PAL journey?  DD1 just turned 3. DD2 is due in April.

What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently? The on-going potty training staga continues! She seems to do fine at home, but flat out refuses to even try to go outside the home (ie Target or at my parents house)

QOTW: What has been your biggest challenge being a parent after a loss so far? It sounds odd maybe..but I struggle to not forget about Jack. Before DD was born, I would kiss his picture every day on my lunch break, and occasionally talk to him when I was driving home from somewhere. But since having DD, I don't always do that, and I feel guilty. Or his birthday doesn't seem to effect me as much-I know it's ok to now curl up in a ball and sob for hours, but I feel like I should make more of an effort to remember him.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? This may sound horrible, or ungrateful, etc. But we found out that baby# 3 is a girl. And so far, we know she is healthy..no apparent heart problems, or anything like that. But I can't help feeling a little disappointed. This will probably be our last baby, and I wanted so badly to have another son (I had a daughter..I wanted another son to "even" out the family..Mommy,Daddy,daughter, son). And I wanted Dh to have a son he can rough house with, and play catch with and do all those other "guy" things with. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for any gender baby as long as its healthy and I can bring it home. But we have all these boys clothes sitting in the basement, waiting to be used. And they will probably never will. It kind of feels like losing Jack again. When we lost Jack-it was the loss of my son, the heir to Dh throne so to speak, the dreams of future little league games, and dressing him like Dh...and since this baby is a girl..those dreams are lost as well. Please don't judge me. Again, I am so very very very grateful that this baby is healthy, but it still makes me sad. 

 

johnnys june

No judgement here, jules.  If there's one thing I've learned, it's that grief is a very complex, always evolving thing.  Grief is not just about losing your baby, in this case your son, it's about all the hopes, dreams, and representation that came along with that pregnancy.  *hugs*  I would never doubt the love you have for your baby girl.  You are aloud to grieve the loss of the hope/dream for a boy while still love and nurture this new daughter.

johnnys june

Where are you in your PAL journey?  Emma is just over 5 months old.  We recently celebrated Logan's 2nd birthday/angelvesary in October/November.

 What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently? Keeping up.  With Logan's birthday, Thanksgiving, DH's birthday (Saturday), and all the other holiday activities now crowding my calendar I'm feeling quite overwhelmed.  I'm a full time working mother who still BF and pumps.  Some days I feel like super woman and I can manage it all.  Most days, I feel like I'm treading water.  

Emma is teething...that alone is a HUGE challenge.  Cranky baby, little sleep.  Teething sucks.

 

QOTW: What has been your biggest challenge being a parent after a loss so far? I have to agree with jules.  Not forgetting Logan.  Don't get me wrong, I could never forget him.  I miss him something fierce and think about him every day.  I just haven't had the time or energy to put focus on him.  There have been no extra pay-it-forward projects.  I've only been to the cemetery 2-3x in 5 months.  That thought alone breaks my heart... 

 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?  More children.  Or for us, maybe not.  It seems that so many PAL are getting KU or TTC again.  I for one and terrified to get pg again, especially so soon.  But my heart also grieves the thought of us having to make a decision to be one and done.  I am so high risk with my constant battle with preterm labor.  With Emma, the cerclage helped keep my cervix long, but the shots and the meds only kept me from going into full blown labor before 36 weeks.  I was still have preterm labor contractions since 28-29 weeks.  I'm just not sure I can go through all of that again.  It would be one hell of a risk.  We always wanted 2 children....Right now, that just doesn't seem possible.  It just weight heavy on my heart and mind.  

johnnys june

Where are you in your PAL journey?  Emma is just over 5 months old.  We recently celebrated Logan's 2nd birthday/angelvesary in October/November.

 What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently? Keeping up.  With Logan's birthday, Thanksgiving, DH's birthday (Saturday), and all the other holiday activities now crowding my calendar I'm feeling quite overwhelmed.  I'm a full time working mother who still BF and pumps.  Some days I feel like super woman and I can manage it all.  Most days, I feel like I'm treading water.  

Emma is teething...that alone is a HUGE challenge.  Cranky baby, little sleep.  Teething sucks.

 

QOTW: What has been your biggest challenge being a parent after a loss so far? I have to agree with jules.  Not forgetting Logan.  Don't get me wrong, I could never forget him.  I miss him something fierce and think about him every day.  I just haven't had the time or energy to put focus on him.  There have been no extra pay-it-forward projects.  I've only been to the cemetery 2-3x in 5 months.  That thought alone breaks my heart... 

 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?  More children.  Or for us, maybe not.  It seems that so many PAL are getting KU or TTC again.  I for one and terrified to get pg again, especially so soon.  But my heart also grieves the thought of us having to make a decision to be one and done.  I am so high risk with my constant battle with preterm labor.  With Emma, the cerclage helped keep my cervix long, but the shots and the meds only kept me from going into full blown labor before 36 weeks.  I was still have preterm labor contractions since 28-29 weeks.  I'm just not sure I can go through all of that again.  It would be one hell of a risk.  We always wanted 2 children....Right now, that just doesn't seem possible.  It just weight heavy on my heart and mind.  

 

Petunia844

Still at the beginning of pal.  Raylan is 9 weeks tomorrow.

Biggest challenge by far is that we had to switch to ff.  I feel like I tried everything I could, I didn't want to end up back in the hospital with another infection not responding to antibiotics and I was just in pain for too long.  I didn't realize how hard it would be to let my milk dry up.  Hormones aside it also reminded me of the last time I was doing that after Peyton died...it was just a HARD decision and I'm still adjusting.

i think my biggest challenge is realizing that life pal isn't all puppies and rainbows.  We have frustrating days and that's ok, I don't have to be perfect or perfectly happy just because I've had a loss.  

Moslty the ff thing this week, but also the holidays.  They make me miss my angel so much, but I'm also so grateful to have Raylan here now...I'm actually excited for the holidays which couldn't be farther from this time last year.