Late Term and Child Loss

***Loss Check-In***

Hello Ladies,Welcome to our Thursday Check-In! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?QOTW: Do you plan to do anything to celabrate or acknowledge your angel this upcoming holiday season?Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

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Re: ***Loss Check-In***

  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?Good lord no.  I feel like I've really taken some major steps back this week
    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?  Going to try to "right the ship".  Not sure how to do that though.
    QOTW: Do you plan to do anything to celabrate or acknowledge your angel this upcoming holiday season?I'm not completely sure what we're going to do yet.  We will be in town for Christmas this year so we'll be able to go visit Corbin.  I'm also making it a point to give change every time I see a Salvation Army kettle and whenever I'm somewhere where they ask if I'd like to donate a dollar or whatever to a cause, I do and if I get one of those pieces of paper to sign my name to, I always sign Corbin's and only Corbin's.  I've gotten a few strange looks as I'm sure people probably realize my name is not Corbin but I don't care.
    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Corbin's 1st angelversary is on Monday.  I can't believe it's been 1 whole year since I last held him and kissed him.  I read through some early journal postings last night and I can't believe how far I've come - but at the same time, how in many ways I still feel the exact same pain. DH and I both took the day off of work.  I don't know how the day is going to go or what we're going to do, if anything.

     

    In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

     

     

    corbinsmommy.blogspot.com


     

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  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

    Talked a lot with DH last night and finally said somethings to him that I've been keeping in. Hopefully that will hep. 

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

    None really other than pure survival I guess. 

    QOTW: Do you plan to do anything to celabrate or acknowledge your angel this upcoming holiday season?

    No idea. He'll have an ornament, and I had stitched his stocking that we'll hang. We'll visit him and probably read him a few Christmas books. We put his very own Christmas tree on his grave, Christmas lights and all! 

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

    How I feel like my loss is worse than DHs. I feel horrible for thinking that, but I can't help but think I felt a deeper connection to Bradley. He was inside me for 9 months! 

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Not really - just trying to focus on myself. But I told my best friend that I would try my hardest to be there when her son is born in two weeks, which is a big step for me [even if I don't go, just considering it is huge]. His first name is also Devon's middle name, and I'm also his godmother, so I feel a connection to him already. I really want to be there.
    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Make it through the next week. I have a lot of family coming in, and DS will be 4 on Tuesday. I want to make that day as special for him as possible.
    QOTW: Do you plan to do anything to celabrate or acknowledge your angel this upcoming holiday season? We have a memorial ornament on the tree with his name on it, and I'll be making a donation to our local angel tree in his memory. I hope our Molly Bear is here by Christmas so we can incorporate it in our photos.
    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I have got to stop paying attention to every twinge my body is telling me. I'm obsessing over TTC [even though I'm pretty sure we won't get pregnant in December], and it's not good. I need to find a hobby so I can step away and be OK with not being pregnant again right away.
    ________________________________________________________________________________


    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

    I've cut out the wine and started exercising again. 

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

    My next goal is to lose 5-7 lbs.  I'm going to start hitting the treadmill every other night and will eat healthier, smaller portions of food.  Also not going to drink as much wine.  DH and I were literally drinking one to two bottles nearly every night.  We both decided to give it a rest and get back into shape. 

    QOTW: Do you plan to do anything to celabrate or acknowledge your angel this upcoming holiday season?

    I'm not sure what to do.  I may go to the ornament store and get a personalized ornament made to honor her memory.  I ordered a grave pillow for her and plan to keep visiting often throughout the holiday season.  I always feel so much better after I have a good cry next to her grave.  I get a sense of peace...like she's there telling me that it will be OK.

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

    Losing weight.  Making it through the holidays with a happy face for ds.  Ava is on my mind constantly and I am really missing her movement inside of me and the life I imagined we would have.  I'm also hoping that dh will be ready to TTC in the new year.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

     Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    BFP#1 - 11/27/09 EDD 8/5/10, DS1 arrived 7/24/10 via emergency c-section.

    BFP#2 - 6/18/12 EDD 2/23/13, sweet baby girl born sleeping on 10/4/12 at 19 weeks, 3 days.

    BFP #3 - 1/18/13 EDD 10/1/13, natural mc on 2/2/13 at 5 weeks, 4 days.

    BFP #4 - 8/29/13 EDD 5/12/14, our sweet rainbow, DS2 born 4/29/14 via c-section

  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

    I started back to work on Monday. I don't think that helped me move forward as much as it ripped the band-aid off. I haven't seen any of those people since Lillian's funeral, and many of them came. Sitting in my chair, where most of her life was spent dancing inside me finally go the best of me yesterday (also her 2 mth. angelversary) and I left early and didn't go back today.

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

    I easily get sucked into this board and facebook. There were times in these last 2 mths. that entire days passed by and I didn't get off the couch because I was sucked into Cyber Grieving (as I've dubbed it). I need to be more conscious of how much time I'm spending on here and walk away so I can actually follow up on the things I said I would do, like finding a Chiropractor, counselor and a real-life support group. I'm pretty sure that's why my posts on here are so long and wordy, because I'm using this forum instead.

    QOTW: Do you plan to do anything to celabrate or acknowledge your angel this upcoming holiday season?

    I'm obsessed with finding the PERFECT ornament for Lillian. One that truely speaks to me. I also wanted to carry on my childhood tradition that my mom had of buying everyone an ornament that represented something that had to do with them for that past year. I found somthing yesterday and I will share what I've found on another post, because I think it's really cool, for our entire family.

    I know another Mommy posted about finding an Angel for their tree that represented their baby, we decided to do that as well. We had a star last year and I told my BF that I really would like to replace it with a really beautiful Angel topper this year for Lillian. Of course, it would be amazing if someone could sculpt the angel's face from a picture of her and if anyone knows about anything like that, please let me know! Until then, my search is on for the perfect Angel now.

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

    Being back to work and how that makes me feel. My work is letting me come and go as I please, so I've been getting there around 10 and leaving anywhere from 2:30-4.

  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? No I'm falling off again, christmas time is really starting to get me. Bri should be 10 months right now.
    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?I really have to start exercising. I'm hoping to set times and days to get started. Soon.
    QOTW: Do you plan to do anything to celebrate or acknowledge your angel this upcoming holiday season?I will be getting her an ornament a yr and I wanna buy a toy that she'd be playing with if she were here with us and donating it. But other than that, I'm not sure what else to do.
    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?I'm missing Bri more and more.
    Tim 12/30/00 Brad 4/30/02 Alex 9/29/03 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?I guess just getting all of the Christmas decorations out was a big step. I am a lot calmer about it than I was imagining.
    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?My next goal is to get through the holidays. Last year at this time, we knew we were having a girl and we had named her. I was daydreaming about what it would be like to have her at the table this year. Now she is not with us and we will have a 2 month old (my niece) present. It will be hard.
    QOTW: Do you plan to do anything to celabrate or acknowledge your angel this upcoming holiday season?My husband has a silver ornament bell from when he was born and so does DD. So I decided that Annabelle needed one too. When we put it on the tree, DD asked who it belonged to and I told her and she said, "You mean our baby?" It was so darn cute. I started to tear up.
    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?How Annabelle would be 8 months old. I can't believe that we are quickly closing in on year. I miss her so much!

    BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08
    BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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    TTC #3 since May 2012

    BFP #3 12.29.12 - CP @ 4w2d on 01.02.13
    BFP #4 10.17.13 - CP @ 4w2d on 10.23.13

    BFP #5 04.06.14 - MMC 05.07.14

    No longer trying to conceive.

    image    http://oi40.tinypic.com/15czrid.jpg     image

  • imagefluttergirlmoonchild79:

    Corbin's 1st angelversary is on Monday. 

    ((HUGS)). I know this weekend might be difficult too. Will be thinking about your family!



      Our Angel Patricia born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks
    Our Fighter Anna born early 1/8/13 at 26 weeks
    Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15
  • imageJ&J09:
    I feel like people think that just because I'm back to work, that I'm back to"normal" and no longer in pain.

    I experienced this as well. It was like I could sense the relief in people that they didn't have to worry about/deal with me anymore. Grief can be very lonely, which is why I'm so thankful for this board!



      Our Angel Patricia born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks
    Our Fighter Anna born early 1/8/13 at 26 weeks
    Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15
  • imageOSUWifey09:
     I told my best friend that I would try my hardest to be there when her son is born in two weeks

    That is a huge step! I don't know if I could do it, but (thankfully) I don't have any super close friends who have had babies since my Patricia. Good luck!



      Our Angel Patricia born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks
    Our Fighter Anna born early 1/8/13 at 26 weeks
    Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15
  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

    No real big steps, still just trying to get out of the house more. 

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

    Getting through the Holidays.  I think I said that last week too. 

    QOTW: Do you plan to do anything to celabrate or acknowledge your angel this upcoming holiday season?

    I don't know.  This keeps coming up at our support group, and we just say; I don't know.  It's very painful for me to bring this up to my husband.   

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

    I have been feeling pretty emotional lately, and find myself crying almost everyday again really wishing I had Stella here with me. 

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

    BFP #1 Jan. 2011 - mmc Mar. 2011 
    BFP #2 Aug. 2011 - My sleeping angel Stella, born April 21, 2012 
    BFP #3 Nov. 2012 - mmc Dec. 2012
    BFP #4 April 2013 - mc May 2013
    BFP #5 Sept. 2013 - EDD 5.24.14
  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?My husband signed me up for  Heartstrings and I was assigned a support parent this week. I spoke with my support parent yesterday and it seemed to help. Just taking it day by day.
    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?I am working on eating healthy and I want to start walking everyday but everyday I come up with a reason not to go. At this point unless I really have to I prefer not to leave the house.
    QOTW: Do you plan to do anything to celebrate or acknowledge your angel this upcoming holiday season?We're not celebrating Christmas this year. Instead we're going to Vegas. I don't see how I can celebrate Christmas when it's so close to Emma's due date. 
    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Getting pregnant. I know it's too soon right now but I wish we could start trying. I find myself lurking the the TTAL and PGAL boards. I have to wait 3 weeks for my 6 week follow-up before I can even be referred to the MFM to discuss TTC. Time seems to be dragging so slow.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers 426374_775972607825_1203816401_n
  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

     No new steps this week.  I feel like I am just being stuck in the same place with my feelings.

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

    Getting ready to go back to work has been on my mind a lot as the time gets closer.  I have until Jan 2nd but not looking forward to it since there are 5 other parents of twins in my dept and I know it will be difficult to hear them talk about their kids. 

    QOTW: Do you plan to do anything to celabrate or acknowledge your angel this upcoming holiday season?

    I got both Eva and Sophia a personalized baby's 1st Christmas ornament.  I also got an angel ornament to represent Sophia.  We are going to get personalized stockings to put up with everyone's name on it.  Not sure what else yet. 

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

    I keep thinking of Sophia and all the things she should be doing because Eva has just changed so much this week and am sad that her sister isn't with her to experience the same changes. 

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?I let go of a lot of the anger and jealousy that I was feeling over the last few weeks. November was a hard month, but I'm trying to give myself credit for getting through it.  What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?Getting through the holidays. I'm actually planning to take a little break from the Bump. Sounds like a strange goal to have, but I need some time to focus on myself, DH and our memories of Julian as we continue through the holiday season. So I'll see you all again in a few weeks : ) QOTW: Do you plan to do anything to celabrate or acknowledge your angel this upcoming holiday season?We bought a stocking for Julian. I'm looking forward to putting it up this weekend. Not sure if we'll get a tree-I don't really feel like the hassle. Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Trying to stay positive and leave a lot of the negativity of November behind. 
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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