Anyone in an advice-giving mood? Only sorta TTCALR

ocnfish4

I'm stuck in a big and really tough decision today.

I'm in grad school and I work full time. I just got a new job (started this week), and my hours aren't super flexible. Next year, i will be doing my practicum and internships before graduating. However, my practicum and internship schedule will not work with my work schedule. I also am not willing to stop TTC. Now I don't know wtf to do. 

1. I could stay in school, keep TTC, and pray my boss lets me go part time at work. Problem here is that I can't afford to go part time, even IF she lets me.

2. I quit my master's program (1 year shy of graduating) and just work at my current job. Problem here is that it feels like such a waste of 2 years and $20,000. But I've been wondering for a while if I even am still wanting to be a counselor.

3. I stay in school, don't go part time at work, and tack on an extra semester or two, thus costing about $7,000 more and adding time in school that I don't want.

 DH is no help at all. He does say not to quit school. But he is not wanting me to TTC right now (or ever). That's a thing with us. He has acknowledged that there will be kids "one day". But he says we don't have enough money right now. I think that's just his excuse. I think kids scare him a little. I believe once babies happen, he will be ready. But that's truly the only point he seems willing to see in my entire dilemma, that I want to keep TTC.

Anyone have any thoughts to add? If not, it's ok. I need to vent. I can't stop crying because I'm so stressed about just everything. I wish I had a more helpful DH. 

Here's some of the pumpkin pie martinis I had tonight. Please enjoy!

misternmiss

Stay in school.  School is cool.  No, seriously, I wouldn't quit if I were that close.  I'm sorry that YH doesn't seem to be on the same page as you.  I would start there.

DebateThis

Don't quit school - get through it as fast as you can, since your H doesn't want to TTC right now anyways. He's probably right about babies coming along later.

emilysmommy2010

I would stick with school since you are so close. 

jenn0021

While I hate to say this and I know you don't want to hear it, maybe you should TTA for a bit. If you are this stressed over school and work, imagine how much more stressful it would be to be TTC and then possibly pregnant while going through all this. You are so close to finishing, I wouldn't quit now. I've had to TTA long term before and while it sucks, I knew it was the best choice for us at that time.

Just food for thought, especially since your DH doesn't want to TTC right now. 

EKGibs

I agree with the pp's. dont quit school. you will regret not finishing especially being that close. A year will fly by & you will be finished. maybe you can find a different job if this one will not be flexible enough. good luck!

ocnfish4

Thanks, ladies. I'm just so torn over the decision of it all. I like my current job, and the population of clients I work with (who I would not be working with if I continue school). After graduating next year, I'll be working in an after-graduation internship for 2 years. So if I continue school, I'll only be at my current job for one more year at most. I'll miss it. It's also the highest paying job I've ever had. I'm happy to finally be making a little extra money.

DH...to be honest, he'll NEVER be ready to TTC. He has told me before that he will never say the words 'okay let's do it.' He's just scared. 

 

TheatreStar86

Hopefully another grad student can add her 2 cents, too. 

I say to stay in school. Honestly, you don't know when you'll get pregnant, and you don't yet know what problems you may encounter with work/school. 

The only reason I would tell you to quit school is if you seriously didn't want to do it anymore and knew you didn't want to for good reasons. I totally understand being unsure if you want to continue. Grad school can suck at times. Especially because you do work ALL the time. However, I would imagine it would be a lot harder to return, should you change your mind down the road. 

You could TTA until you get closer to graduating, so that you know you'll be in more financially secure territory. That would seem more of a compromise based on YH's concerns. 

 Feel free to PM or respond here if you have followup questions. 

  

 

ocnfish4

Bookshelves:

jenn0021:

While I hate to say this and I know you don't want to hear it, maybe you should TTA for a bit. If you are this stressed over school and work, imagine how much more stressful it would be to be TTC and then possibly pregnant while going through all this. You are so close to finishing, I wouldn't quit now. I've had to TTA long term before and while it sucks, I knew it was the best choice for us at that time.

Just food for thought, especially since your DH doesn't want to TTC right now. 

This...

How old are you? (I don't mean that in a rude way, just wondering if age is a factor in your decision.) If you are able to TTA for awhile, that also gives you and DH a chance to work through the issue of him not being sure he is ready. 

Good luck with whatever you decide!  

I'll be 29 next month. While I know this doesn't pose a big problem TTC as it might if I were a few years older, I just don't want to TTA anymore. We had one loss already, and what if it takes a long time? If I have to add semesters to school, it'll add $7,000 to my student loans, and it'll put off babies for 2 years from now. 

brihall003

jenn0021:

While I hate to say this and I know you don't want to hear it, maybe you should TTA for a bit. If you are this stressed over school and work, imagine how much more stressful it would be to be TTC and then possibly pregnant while going through all this. You are so close to finishing, I wouldn't quit now. I've had to TTA long term before and while it sucks, I knew it was the best choice for us at that time. Just food for thought, especially since your DH doesn't want to TTC right now.nbsp;

This. GL!

LunaBug924

I think you've already gotten some great advice. I think staying in school is your best option right now. I just wanted to add a few more hugs, and say that I'm sorry you're having a hard time deciding what direction to take. ((hugs)) 

ocnfish4

While I'm still not positive, I'm starting to lean toward staying in school. I agree with all of you...I think I would regret withdrawing. Even if I don't know if I want to be a counselor after it's done.

I'm thinking if I put every single extra dollar I make until next summer toward bills, I can pay down something and make it a little bit easier to afford part time next year. I am really kind of desperate to not tack on extra semesters. I don't want the extra loans or the extra time.

And I'm not really willing to TTA right now. I'm just not. That might sound selfish or immature, and if it does, so be it. It's where I am. But I'm thinking if it does happen, I will work around it. If it happens, it'll cut into my school schedule, and then I'll have to add another semester. 

I think I need take it all as it happens. And I'm going to have another pumpkin pie martini while I'm at it.

hungryhippo

ocnfish4:

While I'm still not positive, I'm starting to lean toward staying in school. I agree with all of you...I think I would regret withdrawing. Even if I don't know if I want to be a counselor after it's done.

I'm thinking if I put every single extra dollar I make until next summer toward bills, I can pay down something and make it a little bit easier to afford part time next year. I am really kind of desperate to not tack on extra semesters. I don't want the extra loans or the extra time.

And I'm not really willing to TTA right now. I'm just not. That might sound selfish or immature, and if it does, so be it. It's where I am. But I'm thinking if it does happen, I will work around it. If it happens, it'll cut into my school schedule, and then I'll have to add another semester. 

I think I need take it all as it happens. And I'm going to have another pumpkin pie martini while I'm at it.

Good for you! As someone who just interviewed someone with a degree in social work, but was applying for a totally unrelated job, I think simply following through with your degree shows a great quality for future job prospects. I think you should do everything you can to finish. Counseling also shows great listening skills and a likely respect for people of all kinds. All great qualities.

If you get KU, you'll make it work. You just will. 

baby101010

You need to get your life in order and husband on board before having a baby. Seriously. Either Finish school or Get a stable job/career and make sure dh is ready.

alleycat39

It is a tough situation that you are in, though I do understand how you are feeling. I am in a similar situation as I am working full time and taking a weekend intensive Masters Program (12 credits per semester). I thought I had everything figured out perfect (I guess nature is playing a big joke on me now), as I was pregnant and had an EDD of 7/3/13 which would give me exactly 3 months of staying home with a baby before starting my full time 24 weeks of (unpaid) clinical rotations. Well, nature had another plan and I miscarried this week so I am back to square one.

I mention all of that because I want you to know I understand how frustrating it is to have to possibly put off TTC because of schooling. My advice to you is to stay in your program and perhaps add the extra semester or two if it means you can still TTC AND finish your program. No one can ever take your degree away from you once you have it, so I'd highly suggest finishing it even though you may not think you want to use it. Maybe one day it'll come in handy to be able to do counseling part time and stay at home with a baby?? 

Continue TTC and don't worry about the extra semester or 2 of school that you may have to go through if it means being able to continue working now to help with the financial end of things.Think of how quickly your previous semesters have gone and don't give up on your degree! Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more. I know what you are going through! 

ocnfish4

Bethelgal42:

misternmiss:

Stay in school.  School is cool.  No, seriously, I wouldn't quit if I were that close.  I'm sorry that YH doesn't seem to be on the same page as you.  I would start there.

  As painful as it is, M&M is right.  You are so close to finishing.  I would hate for you to quit and then regret it later and not be able to get back into the program.  If you don't feel a calling to counseling anymore, is there something else you can do with the degree?

It's also always a good idea to be on the same page as your spouse when it comes to kids, money, etc... The big things.  I would find out why he wants to wait. Is he afraid of another loss and is just saying money as as excuse or is it really him nervous about money?  Is that a legitimate concern or is he just over-worried?
Good luck.  {Hugs}

DH just says he doesn't want kids. But like I said, he has always acknowledged that kids will happen. It has always been a SOMEDAY thing for him. Personally, I think he is freaking out a little bit because SOMEDAY has arrived. He is not concerned about another loss. I think he is concerned about money. But he has also told me that he will never think we have enough money. So we are at the 'we will make it work' stage. DH will be just fine when I get pg again. He was ok last time. He will never be thrilled at the prospect. It's his personality.