Special Needs

Intro (and vent)

Hi everyone! I've been lurking for a few months now, but I figured it was finally time I started to introduce myself!

DS2 just turned 2. He's been in ST since 16 months (at the time was at least 25% delayed, not sure what he is now, as we haven't done a full evaluation since the then). He started seeing an OT for feeding therapy 2.5 months ago, he has some tactile defensiveness, as well as sensory problems with food. He still eats lots of baby food, but has progressed to being able to eat adult oatmeal, spaghetti (and similar pasta), yogurt, rice, and Mac and cheese. This really is huge for us (although it has been a SLOW process and we obviously have a long way to go). He is a joy to be around, and I know how lucky we are that we have made it this far. I have my fair share of guilt/sadness/anger (I cried when I knew he wouldn't be able to eat a cupcake on his birthday. Dumb, I know, I just wanted him to be able to have a "normal" birthday experience), but I am so grateful for the (free) services the county is providing. As of right now, we don't think there are any other developmental issues involved (psych didn't feel that he is at risk for ASD or SPD at this time). So that's him in a nutshell.

Now to my vent... MIL came over to babysit for 3 hrs yesterday because i had to go into work for a couple of hours. We don't have her babysit often, because she's not always good at respecting our parenting, but we were in a bind. DH was going to be home in time for dinner, so I think we were both thinking, how much damage can be done in 3 hrs? Well, we should have guessed that a lot could. She called DH 30 minutes before he was going to be home and asked if the pasta in the fridge was for DS2 (I'll use M from now on), and that he was "starving". When DH said no, don't feed him anything, she said she already was and quickly hung up the phone. DH was furious, left work as quickly as he could. Keep in mind she has never fed M since he'd started OT, so she had no idea the specific ways we present food so that we can encourage him to eat. She has no idea of his gagging/choking issues, or his defensiveness if he isn't comfortable with what he is getting. I had also left out a snack I knew he would eat, so she had no reason to get into our fridge and get out MULTIPLE things for him that he should not have been offered (we didn't find this part out until after DH got home). I was/am furious, as is DH. She could have effed up months of work all because she doesn't care what we ask her to do and because she doesn't believe M has feeding issues (every time we go out to eat she asks if she can give him something, every time we tell her no and explain again his problems). The idea that someone could care so little for her grandson and his very real needs makes me so.freaking.angry. DH told her all of this when he got home, but she basically brushed him off ("I'm sorry, but he was hungry" - no matter we always tell her to call DH with even the littlest question).

At lunch today, M was ok, but not as great as he'd been the past few days during meal time. I'm hoping it was more because he just needs a few meals with me, but I'm obviously worried it has put us two steps back again. I now know that even in a bind, we won't be calling her. I'm not sure, I could be overreacting a bit, but I also deal with his needs day in and day out, I'm always the one here for 2 therapies a week (DH works a 9-5, so he usually can't get home for therapies), so the idea that someone could mess with that makes me see red. Thank goodness DH is totally on the same page as me with everything I'm feeling.

Alright, sorry that is so long, I just really needed to get it out. Please, feel free to tell me if I'm going crazy, it's hard for me to see this situation from the outside! You are a great group of people, and I hope to be able to be more involved on here! 

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: Intro (and vent)

  • You are definitely not crazy!!!  I'm mostly a lurker on here, but I side with you on this.  You had specific instructions and she didn't follow them.  I'm so sorry that you have to go through with that and I hope it didn't set him back at all.
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Second Birthday tickers imageimage
  • Another lurker here. I'm sorry you have to deal with this after all your hard work. My MIL is the exact same way. Words go in one ear and out the other. That is why she has never and will never watch DS alone. I understand why you had to use her, but if I were you, it would never happen again. There is just so much to loose in your position. One wrong feeding can screw everything up for weeks. So happy your DH is on the same page, that's one thing going for you guys! Good luck catching up, hope it goes smoothly!
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