Wtf DH

Petunia844

Long story short, after my infection finally cleared I was crazy enough to think I could try to start pumping again because it was way harder emotionally than I expected to stop.  So I started again and although I wasn't getting much I was slowly getting the clog out, the production was slowly increasing and it wasn't really hurting.  Then it started getting red again and started hurting again.  So I told that to DH and asked what he thought I should do, I was hoping he would say that obviously I was hurting myself and don't want to end up back in the hospital and I should stop.  He said he would keep trying.  Cue tears, long conversation about how unfair it is to put it all on me that I'm deciding this alone and quitting alone.  He says he supports me no matter what.  I go take a long bath, come back and tell him I'm done.  I tell him if I have another meltdown I need him on my side and not encouraging me to try again because the trying. and failing is a total mind f*ck.  while I'm saying this I start crying again, he says he's always on my side as he goes back to whatever he's doing on the computer....sees me come to the couch and cry and just stays over there on his computer.  Wtf.

Ladiebug710

I'm so sorry he doesn't get it.  I wish men could understand how emotional breastfeeding is.  I'm glad to hear the infection is getting better.  I'm sorry you've had to go through all of this.

Izabella22

Men really don't get it... when i get emotional DH completely shuts down, which just makes it worse. So I feel your pain, I wish my DH had just told me "its ok to stop!" - but can I suggest when you are feeling more together about it, tell him that is exactly what you need to hear when you are getting to that point of thinking about trying again. I think they need things very clear and to the point. I'd just tell him "I need to you tell me to stop, and that its ok, when I start thinking about continuing, and be firm, that's how you can support me."  Your babe needs a healthy mom, that is irreplaceable. You can buy formula, Bm isn't the only way.  I hate that it is so hard to quit when it is just the right thing. Hang in there, its so tough, but you are doing what its best for your LO by letting your body heal. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

piedpiper07

I totally understand and I am sorry you are going through this!! I tried to DS several times because it was just way too hard, same thing with infections, then biting and each time I got to my breaking point DH said something seriously dumb. He's said, "well formula is pretty expensive, can we really afford it" or "well do whatever you want." It drives me nuts!! It is totally ok for you to stop BFing, and something you have our support in!

[Deleted User]

((hugs)) I'm so sorry. Sometimes, DH just doesn't get it. Again, ((hugs))

tbone_bride

So sorry!!!  Men just don't get it.  I remember after my first, DH didn't know how to console me anymore. I was a mess, so emotional and I was a roller coaster.  He tried, but no matter what he did I was still tough on him.  Hang in there, I'm sure he meant well but didn't know what to do anymore.....  

I'm glad you are feeling better, keep those boobies healthy!  You gave it more than 1000%, don't beat yourself up  

adoxyinherear

I'm sorry your DH isn't giving you the support you need. Though I don't want to seem like a jerk, it's also not really fair to him to be upset that when you ask for his opinion, he doesn't tell you what you want to hear. It sounds like he does want to support you and maybe isn't sure how?