WWYD??

nanabanana06

KlondikeBar:

Nana_Osaki06:

KlondikeBar:

So how does it work when you sign over rights? Here, you can't do that (unless it has changed recently). You must be married for a year before you can file to adopt the child. Then there are notices to the other parent, a home study, preliminary hearing and a final hearing which all can take a while. And if the other parent does not consent, certain requirements have to be met for the adoption to proceed.

That's kind of what we will have to do too when it comes time for DH to legally adopt Rosie. However, the "easy" way is to have the other party sign over their rights. Which essentially means that the other party can no longer have any legal or financial responsibility for the child. Then when the custodial parent gets married or whatever then her husband can file to legally adopt. There is still legal stuff and home studies I do believe. However, it's fairly straight across with the paperwork since one set is already removed. 

However, the OP is kind of screwed. The mom could get up, pack up their things, and move out of the country and they will never know. She doesn't have to tell them if they moved or anything. It's kind of crappy for her to pull that whole bit to get the rights signed over. However, since you can't do anythinglegally you kind of have to leave it up to the mom. She has ultimate control with this situation. 

See here, you can't do that period. There is no signing over of rights unless adoption has been filed with a married couple. I was just curious as to how quick it happens in places where you are allowed to sign over rights.

I think fairly quickly. I won't even be approaching Rosie's BD for a while. We want to be completely settled in since even with him isgning over his rights it will still be a pretty penny to get the whole adoption worked out. However, from my understanding is that if your approved to adopt then it's a few signatures and a court date and your good. We won't be going through the process for a few more years. I'm sooooo not looking forward to it, but means a lot to DH.

wbrauns

KlondikeBar:

wbrauns:

KlondikeBar:

So how does it work when you sign over rights? Here, you can't do that (unless it has changed recently). You must be married for a year before you can file to adopt the child. Then there are notices to the other parent, a home study, preliminary hearing and a final hearing which all can take a while. And if the other parent does not consent, certain requirements have to be met for the adoption to proceed.

I actually am unsure of what the legal aspect of it is here, but I know that DH had zero say in whether B could get adopted or not. Once he signed over his rights that was it. And I am also unsure how long it was before B got adopted, although I do know that her mom and adoptive father got together when B's Mom was still pregnant with her, so her adoptive father had been in the picture from the get-go. And I think they got married not too longnafter B was born. But I'm unsure of the exact dates/times things happened.

I was just curious about the time frame. Do you know how old B was when he signed his rights over?

I could be wrong, but for some reason I think it was before she was even born.

wbrauns

Anyways, I do appreciate everyone's input, it's nice to hear opinions other than our parents and our family counselor's, I've got to sign off though, LO is awake!

nanabanana06

wbrauns:

Nana_Osaki06:

KlondikeBar:

So how does it work when you sign over rights? Here, you can't do that (unless it has changed recently). You must be married for a year before you can file to adopt the child. Then there are notices to the other parent, a home study, preliminary hearing and a final hearing which all can take a while. And if the other parent does not consent, certain requirements have to be met for the adoption to proceed.

That's kind of what we will have to do too when it comes time for DH to legally adopt Rosie. However, the "easy" way is to have the other party sign over their rights. Which essentially means that the other party can no longer have any legal or financial responsibility for the child. Then when the custodial parent gets married or whatever then her husband can file to legally adopt. There is still legal stuff and home studies I do believe. However, it's fairly straight across with the paperwork since one set is already removed. 

However, the OP is kind of screwed. The mom could get up, pack up their things, and move out of the country and they will never know. She doesn't have to tell them if they moved or anything. It's kind of crappy for her to pull that whole bit to get the rights signed over. However, since you can't do anythinglegally you kind of have to leave it up to the mom. She has ultimate control with this situation. 

B's Mom is kind of on "our side" if you want to call it that. She does want B to have a relationship with DH, and she also wants B to have a relationship with LO. B's adoptive father is the one who struggles with everything, and tells B's Mom not to contact us, (at least this is what B's mom has told us)

B's mom says that they argue about literally every aspect of DH's involvement in B's life.

I honestly feel bad for B's Mom, she is stuck between doing what she thinks is best for B, and repsecting her husbands wishes about what HE thinks is best for B. It's just a tough situation for all involved.

I totally understand what your saying. However, HE is B's legal father. Your DH just donated the sperm legally at this point (not trying to sound crude, sorry). The problem you cross is that B's dad can put a stop to you ever seeing her again. Since he is the one with the legal rights, he's even the one on her birth certificate now. It's the crappy thing with the whole situation. Your DH is being given a priviledge offered up by the mother. Either party could take that away in an instant and there is nothing legally you can do. It really really stinks.

Honestly, you guys as the 4 of you need to sit down and hash is out. It sounds like your DH trying to come in and be apart of B's life is causing problems, and her father doesn't want it to happen. I know you guys both want to be apart of her life, but the legal parents have the say. If it's causing problems then you may need to back off. 

klondikebar

Nana_Osaki06:

I think fairly quickly. I won't even be approaching Rosie's BD for a while. We want to be completely settled in since even with him isgning over his rights it will still be a pretty penny to get the whole adoption worked out. However, from my understanding is that if your approved to adopt then it's a few signatures and a court date and your good. We won't be going through the process for a few more years. I'm sooooo not looking forward to it, but means a lot to DH.

I hope it all goes smoothly for you when the time comes:)

wbrauns

Nana_Osaki06:

wbrauns:

Nana_Osaki06:

KlondikeBar:

So how does it work when you sign over rights? Here, you can't do that (unless it has changed recently). You must be married for a year before you can file to adopt the child. Then there are notices to the other parent, a home study, preliminary hearing and a final hearing which all can take a while. And if the other parent does not consent, certain requirements have to be met for the adoption to proceed.

That's kind of what we will have to do too when it comes time for DH to legally adopt Rosie. However, the "easy" way is to have the other party sign over their rights. Which essentially means that the other party can no longer have any legal or financial responsibility for the child. Then when the custodial parent gets married or whatever then her husband can file to legally adopt. There is still legal stuff and home studies I do believe. However, it's fairly straight across with the paperwork since one set is already removed. 

However, the OP is kind of screwed. The mom could get up, pack up their things, and move out of the country and they will never know. She doesn't have to tell them if they moved or anything. It's kind of crappy for her to pull that whole bit to get the rights signed over. However, since you can't do anythinglegally you kind of have to leave it up to the mom. She has ultimate control with this situation. 

B's Mom is kind of on "our side" if you want to call it that. She does want B to have a relationship with DH, and she also wants B to have a relationship with LO. B's adoptive father is the one who struggles with everything, and tells B's Mom not to contact us, (at least this is what B's mom has told us)

B's mom says that they argue about literally every aspect of DH's involvement in B's life.

I honestly feel bad for B's Mom, she is stuck between doing what she thinks is best for B, and repsecting her husbands wishes about what HE thinks is best for B. It's just a tough situation for all involved.

I totally understand what your saying. However, HE is B's legal father. Your DH just donated the sperm legally at this point (not trying to sound crude, sorry). The problem you cross is that B's dad can put a stop to you ever seeing her again. Since he is the one with the legal rights, he's even the one on her birth certificate now. It's the crappy thing with the whole situation. Your DH is being given a priviledge offered up by the mother. Either party could take that away in an instant and there is nothing legally you can do. It really really stinks.

Honestly, you guys as the 4 of you need to sit down and hash is out. It sounds like your DH trying to come in and be apart of B's life is causing problems, and her father doesn't want it to happen. I know you guys both want to be apart of her life, but the legal parents have the say. If it's causing problems then you may need to back off. 

We've been trying to for the past two months now, DH has tried getting together with B's adoptive father four or five times now, and it always ends up falling through on their end.

klondikebar

wbrauns:

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I know, believe me, I ask myself this a lot, but there's nothing we can do about it now, and re-hashing why he signed over his rights doesn't bring them back. DH has had to deal with the consequences to his actions for the past eight years.

I do think the circumstances and time frame of it all possibly plays into B's moms current actions. I do hope it all gets worked out in the best way possible for B.

LuckyDad

Your DH needs to lawyer up and see what his rights and options are to make up for the mistake he made when he was 19. This doesn't mean he necessarily has to sue BM, but he certainly should know his rights and options. I don't know the law in your state, but there's a chance he could prove the document he signed was in bad faith (her not following up on her end of the "bargain") and he might be able to renegotiate custody.

nanabanana06

wbrauns:

Nana_Osaki06:

wbrauns:

Nana_Osaki06:

KlondikeBar:

So how does it work when you sign over rights? Here, you can't do that (unless it has changed recently). You must be married for a year before you can file to adopt the child. Then there are notices to the other parent, a home study, preliminary hearing and a final hearing which all can take a while. And if the other parent does not consent, certain requirements have to be met for the adoption to proceed.

That's kind of what we will have to do too when it comes time for DH to legally adopt Rosie. However, the "easy" way is to have the other party sign over their rights. Which essentially means that the other party can no longer have any legal or financial responsibility for the child. Then when the custodial parent gets married or whatever then her husband can file to legally adopt. There is still legal stuff and home studies I do believe. However, it's fairly straight across with the paperwork since one set is already removed. 

However, the OP is kind of screwed. The mom could get up, pack up their things, and move out of the country and they will never know. She doesn't have to tell them if they moved or anything. It's kind of crappy for her to pull that whole bit to get the rights signed over. However, since you can't do anythinglegally you kind of have to leave it up to the mom. She has ultimate control with this situation. 

B's Mom is kind of on "our side" if you want to call it that. She does want B to have a relationship with DH, and she also wants B to have a relationship with LO. B's adoptive father is the one who struggles with everything, and tells B's Mom not to contact us, (at least this is what B's mom has told us)

B's mom says that they argue about literally every aspect of DH's involvement in B's life.

I honestly feel bad for B's Mom, she is stuck between doing what she thinks is best for B, and repsecting her husbands wishes about what HE thinks is best for B. It's just a tough situation for all involved.

I totally understand what your saying. However, HE is B's legal father. Your DH just donated the sperm legally at this point (not trying to sound crude, sorry). The problem you cross is that B's dad can put a stop to you ever seeing her again. Since he is the one with the legal rights, he's even the one on her birth certificate now. It's the crappy thing with the whole situation. Your DH is being given a priviledge offered up by the mother. Either party could take that away in an instant and there is nothing legally you can do. It really really stinks.

Honestly, you guys as the 4 of you need to sit down and hash is out. It sounds like your DH trying to come in and be apart of B's life is causing problems, and her father doesn't want it to happen. I know you guys both want to be apart of her life, but the legal parents have the say. If it's causing problems then you may need to back off. 

We've been trying to for the past two months now, DH has tried getting together with B's adoptive father four or five times now, and it always ends up falling through on their end.

Well, then I'm sorry to say this. However, your pretty much screwed. He can stop you from seeing B. Hopefully the 2 of them work things out and that you 2 can become a bigger part of her life. It just doesn't typically work that way. It sucks, and I feel really bad for your DH. 

nanabanana06

LuckyDad:

Your DH needs to lawyer up and see what his rights and options are to make up for the mistake he made when he was 19. This doesn't mean he necessarily has to sue BM, but he certainly should know his rights and options. I don't know the law in your state, but there's a chance he could prove the document he signed was in bad faith (her not following up on her end of the "bargain") and he might be able to renegotiate custody.

He signed over his rights, he has none when it comes to the kid. That is the point. He is no longer on the birth certificate as well.

RondackHiker

I am sorry that you're dealing with this, and it is a sucky situation. 

I kind of agree with PP that he needs to accept what they give, as hard as it is. There isn't, unfortunately, a way to make things easier. I might send a text, thinking that you're not getting contact now, what's the harm?

I'd also do as much as I could to reassure her that she was loved every moment by your DH. 

And remember that the other guy is B's dad.He was there while she grew up. He is her legal father. She loves him. Your DH is her biological dad, but it's not a lot different than giving up a baby for adoption. Perhaps he could research what adoptive kids want to know from their families, and organize all that for her? Perhaps there's a birth parent type support group, or open adoption support group he could join? 

I ache for her. Divorce sucks, and it sounds like her parents are teetering on the brink of it.  Plus lots of moving, she's having a rough time of it.

Now, I don't think I'd support this idea unless you truly felt like she was neglected or abused, but I know that when you give a child up for adoption, you're not supposed to be under pressure or emotionally manipulated. I don't know anywhere near enough about adoption law, but I believe that you can dispute adoptions if you signed away rights under duress. From your description, that sounds like it'd be a fairlyshitty thing to do to B, but I had to put it out there because the manipulative aspect/odd legal aspect of the whole thing. 

J&A2008

RondackHiker:

I'm trying to remember myself at 19, and the guys I knew, but I just can't get past that he didn't realize that he signed his rights away. You keep saying it's because he was told he could see her all the time, but if he kept his rights, he could see her too. Because, you know, he had rights.So why did he sign? He wanted to see her, so what made him sign? All I can think is that he wanted to get out of child support. It seems like you're blaming B's mom because she told your H he could see her all the time, but he still signed. He would have been able to see her all the time with rights. I'm just confused what signing away the rights was supposed to accomplish in his mind.nbsp;

. By signing away his rights he also rid himself of his financial responsibilities to his daughter. Not an innocent mistake. His choice.

J&A2008

OP, I'd ask for advice on the BF board. If it was my child, I wouldn't stop reaching out, especially if the BM is keeping some distance out of fear your DH will flake out again. Yes, again, since typical parents don't sign away their rights. But your DH's time to make a stand for his daughter may have come and gone already.