Spoiled? — The Bump
Stay at Home Moms

Spoiled?

DH made a comment the other day that DS seems spoiled. I never really thought about it until he brought it up but I'm kinda starting to (maybe) agree. DS is our only child and I stay home full time with him. I'm pretty much his main provider because DH works long, stressful hours at his job. So basically I'm pretty quick to respond to whatever he needs.

We've noticed more often than not if I don't respond quick enough, DS throws these huge fits that involve laying on the floor, screaming and crying. They are not the "I'm hurt" cry, it's the "I'm irritated" cry. I want to teach DS that sometimes he has to wait until I'm in a position to help or attend to him. (Like when I'm covered in soapy water or switching around laundry.) He plays well by himself, most of the time, and is a great kid...we're just kind of at a loss on what to do with working on waiting.

So my questions are: How did you teach your children to wait and am I expecting too much from DS and should just let it be for now or start working on it now? 

TTC 2009
Uterine Septum Removed Oct. 2010
BFP 3/20/11
Bradley David 11/20/11 via c-section

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Re: Spoiled?

  • I think it's mostly an age thing. At 1 he doesn't know how to say, "mom, I don't want you to walk away right now," so he cries and acts out to show you he's trying to communicate something to you.

    There are some things where he's just going to have to wait (like while you're showering) so just make sure you give him something to occupy himself while you're going to be busy. And other times, like the laundry, get him involved and have him "help" you. Getting DS involved in what I was doing worked really well vs. just trying to get him to play on his own at that age.

    Also, you can just keep reassuring him that you're busy right now, but as soon as you do XYZ you can read a book., etc. That lets him know that you haven't permanently abandoned him for housework and eventually he'll get it.

  • image NandaB:
    I read somewhere that sometimes you need to help your kids 'practice' waiting. So...say he is in his highchair and you are bringing him something to eat. You would create a short wait time for him, say 30 sec to start, while saying something to the effect of 'wait just a minute! Almost your turn!' And then make a big deal about him waiting patiently. But I don't think its being 'spoiled'. I think its being little

    This exactly.

    I think it's age appropriate behavior not to be patient.  That's not to say that the behavior should be encouraged, but I definitely don't think it means your LO is spoiled or that they won't grow out of it.  I mean, I'm 26 and don't want to be patient all the time ;) 

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  • Thanks ladies. That was kind of my thinking about him just being young and not able to communicate effectively but DH had me concerned when he dropped the "spoiled" word. Just thought I would cross reference with other, more experienced, moms. Oh the joys of being a FTM and dealing with the toddler years.
    TTC 2009
    Uterine Septum Removed Oct. 2010
    BFP 3/20/11
    Bradley David 11/20/11 via c-section

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    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Baby Names"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt129f68.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>
  • image Nwlywed07:
    Thanks ladies. That was kind of my thinking about him just being young and not able to communicate effectively but DH had me concerned when he dropped the "spoiled" word. Just thought I would cross reference with other, more experienced, moms. Oh the joys of being a FTM and dealing with the toddler years.

    I think a lot of people go through that thought when this age rolls around. I know I brought it up to DH once wondering if I had somehow spoiled DS. Lo and behold a year later and he does great when he needs to wait or be patient (well, most of the time, LOL).


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  • At that age I wouldn't worry yet about being too attentive and spoiling him. As far as teaching him to wait, I think I'd just let it happen naturally.  If you need an extra minute with something calmly tell him that you'd be happy to help him when you're done. If he protests, don't give in. 

    I would be careful about rewarding the tantrums. You don't want him to get the idea that throwing a fit will get him what he wants. Wait until he is calm again before giving him attention. 

    Married 07.07.07. Mom to 3: Ruby 11/08 and Oliver & Austin 12/11
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