Alternative to favors?

MBush4

A poster on my birth month wall asked this question and I was wondering what you ladies would think.

Would you think it odd if, instead of a regular favor you take home and eat right away or let take up space in your house, the hostess made a donation to a local children's hospital in the amount of what she would have spent on the favors?

I thought it was actually a really good idea simply because with the last few showers I've attended/helped with people usually forgot to grab favors and the hostess was left with lots of left over favors that she had spent time preparing and stuff.

What are your thoughts?

526SadieSadie

I'd rather not get a favor at all than get a card that said a donation was made in lieu of a favor- I don't get the point.  It makes me think of that Seinfeld episode when George made up a fake charity so he could give out phony cards at holiday time.

I'd be especially irritated if the donation was made to a charity I didn't support.

Favors aren't musts.

Las135

I loooove that idea.  For my wedding we had 2 favors, one was a donation of $1 made to St. Jude in honor of each guest.  Depending on how much you spend, certain charities will send you bookmarks or little scrolls stating that donated in honor of the guest.  We got cute little bookmarks made and wrapped them with ribbon.  Everyone seemed to love the idea.

MBush4

I see what you mean. Well, mostly... I never really got into Seinfeld so I don't know that episode.

Allycat11

526SadieSadie:

I'd rather not get a favor at all than get a card that said a donation was made in lieu of a favor- I don't get the point.  It makes me think of that Seinfeld episode when George made up a fake charity so he could give out phony cards at holiday time.

I'd be especially irritated if the donation was made to a charity I didn't support.

Favors aren't musts.

Exactly this.  Even a charity that it seems like everyone would support may be a charity that not everyone agrees with.  There are charities that I would like to support but never will because of how they use funds or various other reasons.  No favor is better than a donation IMO.  

526SadieSadie

MBush4:

I see what you mean. Well, mostly... I never really got into Seinfeld so I don't know that episode.

Cliff's Notes edition: George is a cheapskate and not particularly etiquette-friendly.  He came up with the idea of handing out cards to his co-workers saying in lieu of a Christmas gift, he had made a donation in their name to The Human Fund (which didn't exist).  He got away with it until his boss made out a check to The Human Fund and tried to get George to donate it.  The boss figured out the scheme and it got really awkward, as you can imagine.

Disneygeek77

I don't know.  That just strikes me as weird and a little like...bragging.  I mean if you want to make a donation, make a donation.  Don't make a big show about it at a friends baby shower. 

526SadieSadie

Allycat11:

526SadieSadie:

I'd rather not get a favor at all than get a card that said a donation was made in lieu of a favor- I don't get the point.  It makes me think of that Seinfeld episode when George made up a fake charity so he could give out phony cards at holiday time.

I'd be especially irritated if the donation was made to a charity I didn't support.

Favors aren't musts.

Exactly this.  Even a charity that it seems like everyone would support may be a charity that not everyone agrees with.  There are charities that I would like to support but never will because of how they use funds or various other reasons.  No favor is better than a donation IMO.  

Yes!!  A friend of mine donates regularly to a well-known animal rights charity but she did some investigating and found out they spend more money on advertising for donors than they do on actually helping needy animals.  Stuff like that really sticks in my craw.

ETA: my cousin worked for an internationally known charity and found out they had forged the signature of a sports celebrity on a piece that was going up for a charity auction (she found a piece of paper that was obviously someone practising the signature).  She tried to blow the whistle and they "downsized" her.  I still get upset when I see commercials for them on TV.

blush64

I don't consider it a favour if you are making a donation in someone's name. IT's not really for that person who attended the shower.

I like to donate money where i choose to donate money. If I went to a shower where they did that I wouldn't care but I would assume they wanted to save money. (donating less than favours would cost, or just not really donating)

MBush4

526SadieSadie:

Allycat11:

526SadieSadie:

I'd rather not get a favor at all than get a card that said a donation was made in lieu of a favor- I don't get the point.  It makes me think of that Seinfeld episode when George made up a fake charity so he could give out phony cards at holiday time.

I'd be especially irritated if the donation was made to a charity I didn't support.

Favors aren't musts.

Exactly this.  Even a charity that it seems like everyone would support may be a charity that not everyone agrees with.  There are charities that I would like to support but never will because of how they use funds or various other reasons.  No favor is better than a donation IMO.  

Yes!!  A friend of mine donates regularly to a well-known animal rights charity but she did some investigating and found out they spend more money on advertising for donors than they do on actually helping needy animals.  Stuff like that really sticks in my craw.

ETA: my cousin worked for an internationally known charity and found out they had forged the signature of a sports celebrity on a piece that was going up for a charity auction (she found a piece of paper that was obviously someone practising the signature).  She tried to blow the whistle and they "downsized" her.  I still get upset when I see commercials for them on TV.

 

Very good point!

Unknown

This content has been removed.

cole2144

I personally like this idea. For my destination wedding, we donated money to a music program started in honor of my cousin who died at the age of 21, two years before my wedding. It was way more meaningful to us and the members of our family who attended than some favor that would probably be thrown away. We told guests that a donation was made but not the amount. Just do your research about wherever you choose to donate. As long as the money is going where they say it is, I can`t see how you could argue with donating to a children`s charity.

mypreciouscargos

discobelle:

I would think it was odd.

I think it's fine to skip favors all together, but the donation in lieu of sounds kind of awkward.

 This. For some reason, "in lieu of" reminds me of what you would do for someone who has passed away. Sorry.

SunshineMuffin

cole2144:

I personally like this idea. For my destination wedding, we donated money to a music program started in honor of my cousin who died at the age of 21, two years before my wedding. It was way more meaningful to us and the members of our family who attended than some favor that would probably be thrown away. We told guests that a donation was made but not the amount. Just do your research about wherever you choose to donate. As long as the money is going where they say it is, I cant see how you could argue with donating to a childrens charity.

Both my mother and grandmother are severe diabetics. DH and I made a donation to the American Diabetes Association in lieu of favors at our wedding. Maybe it's regional, but making a donation is quite commonplace in NYC.

526SadieSadie

If you choose to donate to a charity, by all means, donate.  But telling people you donated is kinda braggy and "Look at us, aren't we good people for making this donation?!"  It can certainly be taken that way.

Cranang

I think donations made in someone's name is a little preachy.  And braggy.

If your friend wants to donate money to some charity, that's fine. But this would be like announcing how generous and thoughful you are.  And that's annoying.  I've gotten these cards before, and I've actually said "oh how sweet."  Inside I was saying, "You're a pretentious jerk."

Either do favors or don't.  I get offended when people donate in my name.  I will give my money to the charities I support.  Don't do it for me without my permission.

 

TX-Bride

As pp have said, favors are not a must. The last wedding we went to they have a tiny live plant as favors, I really liked it, and carried it back in the plane with me for 4 hours!!! I thought it was a lot better use of money than food item, there was so much food in the party. For baby shower, flower seeds or bulbs could be nice, too with a note tying the theme with the baby.

cole2144

526SadieSadie:

If you choose to donate to a charity, by all means, donate.  But telling people you donated is kinda braggy and "Look at us, aren't we good people for making this donation?!"  It can certainly be taken that way.

Some people will always look for the worst in others. I chose this rather than favors to feel honor my dead cousin whose absence was very much felt at my wedding, so sorry if that comes off as braggy.

Helenahhandbasket

I have only seen this done at weddings, and it's unless something that is very near and dear (read: personal) to the bride and or groom's heart, I would roll my eyes.

I don't think favors are necessary.  

cole2144

SunshineMuffin:

cole2144:

I personally like this idea. For my destination wedding, we donated money to a music program started in honor of my cousin who died at the age of 21, two years before my wedding. It was way more meaningful to us and the members of our family who attended than some favor that would probably be thrown away. We told guests that a donation was made but not the amount. Just do your research about wherever you choose to donate. As long as the money is going where they say it is, I cant see how you could argue with donating to a childrens charity.

Both my mother and grandmother are severe diabetics. DH and I made a donation to the American Diabetes Association in lieu of favors at our wedding. Maybe it's regional, but making a donation is quite commonplace in NYC.

Yeah maybe, I am from Philadelphia and it`s fine here as well. 

526SadieSadie

cole2144:

526SadieSadie:

If you choose to donate to a charity, by all means, donate.  But telling people you donated is kinda braggy and "Look at us, aren't we good people for making this donation?!"  It can certainly be taken that way.

Some people will always look for the worst in others. I chose this rather than favors to feel honor my dead cousin whose absence was very much felt at my wedding, so sorry if that comes off as braggy.

Don't go taking it personally, no one was pointing at you. 

cole2144

526SadieSadie:

cole2144:

526SadieSadie:

If you choose to donate to a charity, by all means, donate.  But telling people you donated is kinda braggy and "Look at us, aren't we good people for making this donation?!"  It can certainly be taken that way.

Some people will always look for the worst in others. I chose this rather than favors to feel honor my dead cousin whose absence was very much felt at my wedding, so sorry if that comes off as braggy.

Don't go taking it personally, no one was pointing at you. 

IMO it is personal, where I come from, people make a donation rather than giving favors because it is a cause close to their heart and therefore much more personal than a favor. 

526SadieSadie

Cole, no one is attacking you for your choice.  It's my opinion and several other posters that donations i/o favors is braggy.  No one said you personally were AWing.

 

cole2144

526SadieSadie:

Cole, no one is attacking you for your choice.  It's my opinion and several other posters that donations i/o favors is braggy.  No one said you personally were AWing.

 

I understand that, but it was also a very special moment that was shared with my family where we all stopped in the midst of a beautiful day to think about someone whose absence was deeply felt. I think if it is an organization that is that personal to you than it is absolutely a good thing and makes that day even more meaningful and I would hate for someone to try and tarnish that. 

Disneygeek77

Dude, calm down.  She was just giving her opinion, an opinion I share.  I am from the Midwest and yes it would be weird if someone did that here.  No one is saying you shouldn't donate to a cause that is close to your heart.  I guess what people are saying is that a baby shower that you are hosting for someone else might not be the most appropriate to do so.  A donation made to say a memorial fund of someone close to the MTB wouldn't be too weird, but yeah just picking a random charity would be. 

Again, no one is saying you shouldn't donate to a cause, but what might make people uncomfortable is being so public about it. 

Oh and I know this is totally off topic but I love your pic.  We also went to Disneyworld in the fall time and loved it.  Can't wait to go back. 

cole2144

stw_77:

Dude, calm down.  She was just giving her opinion, an opinion I share.  I am from the Midwest and yes it would be weird if someone did that here.  No one is saying you shouldn't donate to a cause that is close to your heart.  I guess what people are saying is that a baby shower that you are hosting for someone else might not be the most appropriate to do so.  A donation made to say a memorial fund of someone close to the MTB wouldn't be too weird, but yeah just picking a random charity would be. 

Again, no one is saying you shouldn't donate to a cause, but what might make people uncomfortable is being so public about it. 

Oh and I know this is totally off topic but I love your pic.  We also went to Disneyworld in the fall time and loved it.  Can't wait to go back. 

I understand that but I completely disagree. Thank you, Disney is beautiful that time of year.

Disneygeek77

cole2144:

stw_77:

Dude, calm down.  She was just giving her opinion, an opinion I share.  I am from the Midwest and yes it would be weird if someone did that here.  No one is saying you shouldn't donate to a cause that is close to your heart.  I guess what people are saying is that a baby shower that you are hosting for someone else might not be the most appropriate to do so.  A donation made to say a memorial fund of someone close to the MTB wouldn't be too weird, but yeah just picking a random charity would be. 

Again, no one is saying you shouldn't donate to a cause, but what might make people uncomfortable is being so public about it. 

Oh and I know this is totally off topic but I love your pic.  We also went to Disneyworld in the fall time and loved it.  Can't wait to go back. 

I understand that but I completely disagree. Thank you, Disney is beautiful that time of year.

Well OP, as you can clearly see some people think it is fine and other don't.  I would err on the side of caution and not do it. 

BakerMommy

We used to do the donation instead of Christmas gifts thing until I realized that it was rather braggy. Now we just do it for my grandma's birthday, since she's told me she really likes it.

One year I gave out drink mixes and a note that we'd given money to CharityWater [since you use water for the mix, it's loosely related]. Something like that could be a compromise between favor and donation.

Kind of off topic, but for those who don't like charities spending a high percentage of donations on advertising and such, CharityWater uses 100 percent of private donations to build wells in Africa. They have corporate sponsors who take care of administrative costs.

Stina2012

I think the best alternative to favors is no favor at all.

Donations for wedding favors are iffy to me for many reasons not the least being someone may take it the wrong way. I agree with the PP who stated feed me and send me a thank you card. Favors aren't necessary! 

laurakaz13

Runner1981:

Personally, I usually feel like favors from baby showers are a waste of money. At weddings, it's usually a keep sake that people keep and use for a while after, so I can see why its a bigger deal then. I personally would not side eye donations being made to a charity instead of favors for a shower. But that also means I think you can skip that aspect all together. IMO, as long as you feed me and send me a thank you card after, my expectations will be met.

I have never been given a "keep sake" wedding favor that I used for a while.  Ever! 

I agree with the others who say they are not fans of this idea.  It's just weird to me.  If you want to donate to a charity, do it on your own.  Skip the shower favors.  No one really cares about them. 

NydaP

I have no problem with someone donating to a charity.  But I don't see the point of telling me about the donation.  Or them making the donation on my behalf.  If I wanted to donate to that charity, I would.  

Favors aren't a necessity.  I think it's better to just skip them altogether.  Most people won't even notice.  

kellimare

Estwd2:

This is definitely an interesting debate. I agree that you can't always guarantee your guests will appreciate the charity of choice. For example, I'd be annoyed as hell if I got a card saying they had made a donation to something like PETA because, you know, they suck. Of course I'd never say anything because without getting into the whole backstory of why PETA sucks, you might find yourself on the other end of a question like "So what, you hate animals or something?" Same thing with Komen. That organization has gotten a mega sh*t ton of negative press lately about their business practices, but if you say anything it's like "What, you don't want to cure breast cancer?" Why potentially make your guests feel awkward if you don't have to? Give me chocolates or nothing at all.

 

ALL of this!!! 

emilykathleen511

OP, if you want to make a donation to a charity, do so. Don't do it in my name. Skip favors if you want. You also don't need to tell me about your donation.

rhubarb123

I would prefer not to have favors at all.  I understand that a children's hospital is a great charity but I hate it when people do this.  To me they are basically awwing themselves when they do so.  It isn't like it is going to the charity in the guest's name...right?

I don't like it done at weddings either.  Unless ALL of the guests have an attachment to the particular charity then again it is my opinion that is really being an AW.  I'd rather there not be any type of "favor" at all...then to be told $$ went to a charity I may not agree with (and since I'm the guest I shouldn't be made uncomfortable)...just sayin'.  This is MY opinion.  Obviously anyone that has done this is going to be ALL for it and that is their right...I just don't agree with it.

cole2144

rhubarb123:

I would prefer not to have favors at all.  I understand that a children's hospital is a great charity but I hate it when people do this.  To me they are basically awwing themselves when they do so.  It isn't like it is going to the charity in the guest's name...right?

I don't like it done at weddings either.  Unless ALL of the guests have an attachment to the particular charity then again it is my opinion that is really being an AW.  I'd rather there not be any type of "favor" at all...then to be told $$ went to a charity I may not agree with (and since I'm the guest I shouldn't be made uncomfortable)...just sayin'.  This is MY opinion.  Obviously anyone that has done this is going to be ALL for it and that is their right...I just don't agree with it.

Actually it usually does go to the charity in the guests names.

Cranang

cole2144:

rhubarb123:

I would prefer not to have favors at all.  I understand that a children's hospital is a great charity but I hate it when people do this.  To me they are basically awwing themselves when they do so.  It isn't like it is going to the charity in the guest's name...right?

I don't like it done at weddings either.  Unless ALL of the guests have an attachment to the particular charity then again it is my opinion that is really being an AW.  I'd rather there not be any type of "favor" at all...then to be told $$ went to a charity I may not agree with (and since I'm the guest I shouldn't be made uncomfortable)...just sayin'.  This is MY opinion.  Obviously anyone that has done this is going to be ALL for it and that is their right...I just don't agree with it.

Actually it usually does go to the charity in the guests names.

Either way it's bad.  I would be mad if someone donated to a charity in my name without asking me first.

mhickey426

I did this at my wedding.  My bil passed away when he was 22.  My mil did a yearly fundraiser to where she donated all of the money to the hospital that treated him and to the Tunnel to Towers Foundation because they opened a home for children.  We wanted to remember my bil in someway at our wedding so we made a donation in his honor.  I felt that it was better then wasting money on some favor that nobody was ever going to use or giving them a cookie.  

I think that as long as it is a real charity that is going to use the money for good then why not do it if you want to.

daisy662

My Grandfather died of alzheimers a few months before my wedding and to honor him, we put little cards on all the tables that indicated we made donations on behalf of our guests to the Alzheimers Association. It initially was going to be in liue of favors, but we decided that we should also do something for favors so we did little orgnanza bags with candy in them with a bow around. Cheap and easy. We also had place card holders that guests could take home with them. I think it is nice to honor someone that way, but that you should also at least do something small for the guests. The bags with candy maybe cost $100 and I had 300 guests.

MBush4

emilykathleen511:

OP, if you want to make a donation to a charity, do so. Don't do it in my name. Skip favors if you want. You also don't need to tell me about your donation.

MBush4

emilykathleen511:

OP, if you want to make a donation to a charity, do so. Don't do it in my name. Skip favors if you want. You also don't need to tell me about your donation.

Sorry, I accidently reposted. I wasn't asking for myself. Luckily the few showers I did help host are done with. Another poster asked on my birth month board and I was just wondering what you ladies thought of the idea.

PunkyBooster

This left such a bad taste in my mouth when friends from college did this for their wedding. Word got out when the bride got drunk as hell one night a few months later that they made it up and never made any donations, but wanted to save on "favors"

I have not seen it done since but if I did, I wouldn't believe it actually happened.

I don't care about favors at baby showers to be honest.