Preemies

first visit with friend of ft

I'm going to visit a friend with her ft baby this wk. DD was cleared to go with as long as nobody is sick, they aren't old enough to really have much of a play date, but with me working again I can't really stand the thought of leaving her home. I'm not really sure if I'm ready to be around a ft baby, but I'm feeling completely cut off from my friends that are also moms because of the crazy emotional roller coaster that hits every time I see a ft baby. I'm really hoping I don't just break down during our visit. She was really supportive regularly checked up on us in the nicu, and still sends me a message around caring for her Lo asking how DD is, so I'm sure she would understand, but I would really like to make it through a visit without losing it. Our visit isn't until later this wk so I will post after about how it goes.
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Re: first visit with friend of ft

  • My best advice is to focus on your LO...focusing on DS and how proud I was of him and how far he'd already come always kept me from getting sad when around FT babies in the beginning! 

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  • imageCurlingRocks:
    That first visit is the hardest.nbsp; I compared babies and experiences and wound up feeling pretty awful.nbsp; But I acknowledged that my feelings were about my grief, not my friend's experience.nbsp; I had a lot of counseling!nbsp; And eventually got to the point where these visits didn't sting so much and now are kind of fun.nbsp; My best advice is to stay as long as is good.nbsp; If that means that after 5 minutes you need to leave because it's just too overwhelming, excuse yourself politely i.e. "I don't think we're ready for a long visit yet.nbsp; I'm sorry to cut it short, but we need to go.nbsp; We'll see each other another time." and leave.nbsp; If she's truly your friend, she'll understand that it isn't about her, and you can try again another time.Best of luck!

    I'm in the process of finding someone to see for counseling, so far I haven't found someone close enough that I'm comfortable with. I'm hoping in the mean time that easing myself back into the world of friends and babies will help some. My friend has already made it clear that I don't have to feel obligated to come or stay if I'm not up for it, so I'm positive that if I do need to leave she won't be upset, she knows most of the scares we had in the nicu, at least all the ones I can bring myself to talk about without shutting down. Her Lo is 2 1/2 months, just a little younger then dds adjusted age and neither are mobile yet so even tho DD is a bit drooly they can't do much more then stare and coo at each other, which in theory sounds cute, but could turn into a sob fest on my end. Hopefully it doesn't and everything goes good so I can feel like I'm ok to see people outside of family again.
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  • Idk if I'm relieved or disappointed, but our visit had to be postponed. My friend sent me a text letting me know she is sick and to not come by. She was sweet enough to be worried about me coming without Lo and carrying the germs home.
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