AAAAAH

RondackHiker

I just spoke to DH. He had an asthma attack today, while staying with his mom (he's interviewing in that part of the country). It's because of her cats, which she refuses to keep out of his bedroom. Fine, when he isn't there, whatever, but she opened the door to his room and left it open, and then told him he was cruel for chasing the cat off the bed, because "she was sleeping so nice". He's okay, it was really mild, fortunately, and he thinks he has it better under control now. But he told her that if he is having any more issues, he might go stay at his dad's. She said something pissy and since then alternates between sniffling a lot and giving him the cold shoulder. She feels he's exaggerating his issues. "Winning" by having him stay is more important than his health apparently. Or his interviews. 

She loves our dog, so DH brought him because she asked. Our dog is a doof, but a basic good dog. DH joked last week that the dog ate another toddler spoon (soft plastic that tastes of food, can't blame the dog) from the table and since then every time we talk she says how sad it is that the dog acts out when he isn't getting enough attention. Her calling me a sh!tty dog owner bothers me more than it should. The dog walks 2-4 miles a day, runs and chases with a few other dogs 3-4 times a week, and gets out for short play times several times a day. He's not neglected, but because we don't give table scraps, rest his chin on the table while we eat, or sleep in our bed, she feels we're cruel.

We're ignoring the dog crap. It isn't worth it, and we pick our battles. Like DH's asthma and potentionally staying with his dad is obviously a bigger deal, as is that she will try to guilt us into spending Christmas with her instead of my family.

 It's just... why do I let her bug me so much? It's all stupid passive aggressive crap. Sniffling because your son might sleep elsewhere to avoid asthma attacks? Commenting about the dog's need for attention? I'll just go pound my head against the wall until I learn to let it roll off my back. She will not change, I need to let it the eff go. 

RondackHiker

NVM. All better. Suviqnc's story made me laugh. I can ignore the irritation when I'm hundreds of miles away.

suziqnc

Well, glad my story cheered you up!

Sounds like your MIL has empty nest syndrome, and has filled the void with cats.  Your DH needs to just tell her that if the cats come back in his room, he is staying with his dad, and then stick with it. Maybe if she realizes she can't manipulate him with a guilt trip, she will try harder to make his stay more comfortable.  Good luck to him on his interviews!

Hesterlicious

suziqnc:

Well, glad my story cheered you up!
Sounds like your MIL has empty nest syndrome, and hasnbsp;filled the void with cats.nbsp; Your DH needs to just tell her that if the cats come back in his room, he is staying with his dad, and then stick with it. Maybe if she realizes she can't manipulate him with a guilt trip, she will try harder to make his stay more comfortable.nbsp; Good luck to him on his interviews!

This. It sounds like you guys let her get away with too much drama. She is putting her cats feelings before her sons health.

RondackHiker

Hesterlicious:

suziqnc:

Well, glad my story cheered you up!
Sounds like your MIL has empty nest syndrome, and hasnbsp;filled the void with cats.nbsp; Your DH needs to just tell her that if the cats come back in his room, he is staying with his dad, and then stick with it. Maybe if she realizes she can't manipulate him with a guilt trip, she will try harder to make his stay more comfortable.nbsp; Good luck to him on his interviews!

This. It sounds like you guys let her get away with too much drama. She is putting her cats feelings before her sons health.

We try to do the ignore ignore ignore thing when she is in a snit like tonight. She will stomp around and not say she is made. Just act like a teenager. If she tries to actively make us chane our plans, like if DH leave tomorrow for his dads and she fusses, he tells her to cut it out and reminds her it doesn't work.

We've never changed plans for her. We do have to be firmer about some things, but we see her only a few times a year. It isn't worth picking a fight over passive aggressive comments.

Although now I am realizing this is all excuses. I thought she was so much better and just did the occasional passive comment. This darn cat thing.

And it isn't empty nest, his youngest brother is still in high school, and she has always put the animals first.

tarebear9891

If it will be less stressful for your DH to stay at his dads, he needs to do it. His interviews and landing a job are more important than her hurt feelings.

As far as the dog comment, you know you are an awesome pet parent. Nothing she says changes that.

RondackHiker

tarebear9891:

If it will be less stressful for your DH to stay at his dads, he needs to do it. His interviews and landing a job are more important than her hurt feelings.

As far as the dog comment, you know you are an awesome pet parent. Nothing she says changes that.

He will. He wanted to visit with his brother, and really, he is very good at rolling his eyes at her. I'm the one that gets pissy on his behalf. I will remind him though to do what's best for him.

cg0112358

Wow, she sounds like a real gem I hope your DH is able to finish his visit without anymore attacks. My DH has very bad asthma and it is really difficult on him.

tarebear9891

RondackHiker:

tarebear9891:

If it will be less stressful for your DH to stay at his dads, he needs to do it. His interviews and landing a job are more important than her hurt feelings.

As far as the dog comment, you know you are an awesome pet parent. Nothing she says changes that.

He will. He wanted to visit with his brother, and really, he is very good at rolling his eyes at her. I'm the one that gets pissy on his behalf. I will remind him though to do what's best for him.

I always get pissy on my DHs behalf as well. Sometimes he is just so used to his family's sshit that he doesn't see when he is being treated horribly.