Just stopped in for some support

KaylaC0514

Hey guys. Haven't been on in forever! Hope all is well.  I rarely get a chance to get on TB.  But lately things have been a little challenging.  Just wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation and has any advice.

When our DS was 4 weeks old my husband started work as an OTR driver.  He's gone 3-4 weeks straight.  I talk to him pretty much every day.  And see him for like a 4 day stretch.  Anyone else the only one home with baby?  Do you feel like a Single mom most of the time?  I'm a SAHM.  Baby is with me constantly and I never get a break.  When DH comes home he says I'm kind of robotic and cold, but it's my survival mechanism while he's gone.  I have a long list to accomplish day to day and I'm really not that happy but I don't have time to sulk so..I guess I kind of have turned all emotions off for the time being.  And I'm constantly needed by baby so most of the time thats all i'm thinking about.  This sucks and he's looking for work close to home.  I hope things get better soon..

phq2011

DH and I are separated while he gets help, so I know how you feel. Hoping things get better soon.

Luvofmylife3

My husband works 24 hour shifts that I thought were bad but it's nothing compared to you. I feel the same way though. Every time he walks in the door I feel frustrated and cold towards him and I immediately hand baby off and start doing chores because I never feel caught up with housework. It's getting a little better now that LO is getting older but it's still rough. Hugs! Hang in there!

ks3pink

My husband works 24 hour shifts as well but I am ecstatic to see him when he gets home. I so feel like a single mom at times though when he is gone. It gets better as the kids get older though. I used to love my nights alone and love the nights together even more!

WhitEm14

My DH has to work from home a lot to meet deadlines. So even when he's here sometimes it feels like he's not (I mean really, his office is detached from the house, so if I want to talk to him I have to text or call when he's working). I'm a SAHM too so I don't want to bother him when he has to work and he told me that he felt like I was being cold also, like the only thing that mattered was DS. I told him it felt like all he thought about was work (granted this was when DS was like a month old). I think it was the same for me that I kind of turned off emotions to try and get by, but it forced DH and I to have a heart to heart. I told him I needed him more emotionally and he said the same. Talking and making US a priority has really strengthened our relationship. It's not all rainbows and sunshine, but we are still happy and learning how to navigate this whole parenthood thing together.

 It's hard, but it's a BIG life change, so just keep talking. Remember why you fell in love in the first place and wanted to have a baby with this person. I always remind myself that no matter how much I love DS, my DH was here first so baby can't be the only thing I think about. I hope your DH finds work closer to home too. I'm sure that will help things out a lot. GL!!

Jillwithani

My SO is on the road a lot for sports so I feel you. Do you have any friends/family that can give you a break?

WhitEm14

Jillwithani:

My SO is on the road a lot for sports so I feel you. Do you have any friends/family that can give you a break?

Yes! This too! Breaks have been my saving grace.

mollyxcate

Why yes, I know EXACTLY how you feel. And I always felt guilty for saying that I felt like a single mom when DH was deployed because he provided financially and he gave me as much emotional support as he could but it's not the same. And a lot of the time it DOES feel like you're a single mom.

The best advice I can give you is if your LO has a decent bedtime just tell yourself when baby goes to sleep you are OFF SHIFT! Seriously. If baby naps during the day you work during the naps, laundry, cooking, cleaning, all of that gets done during naps or heck, Chloe liked to watch me do things, I'd prop her up in her rock and play while I cooked or cleaned in the kitchen and I would just talk to her and she seemed to enjoy interacting while I did things. At night when she went to bed, some time between 6 and 8 I was done. I would take a shower, make myself a bag of popcorn, climb into bed and watch TV. Remember if you run 24/7 you're going to get worn down and that will stress your relationship. So what if laundry needs folding, it will be there in the morning. The only time I would do anything productive after Chloe went to sleep is if it was absolutely necessary, like washing bottles because I had none left.

As for surviving the day, find activities you enjoy doing together. I LOVE reading to Chloe. It stimulates her mind and it's great interaction for her but I enjoy it too! Some days we would get out of the house to go to the library to check out more books and just getting out of the house was refreshing.

Also don't underestimate the power of music, especially this time of year. It can drive you mad to be alone with a baby, having no adults to talk to. Hearing a voice other than your own can help even if it's just music. It also makes time seem to flow a little better and can give you a little pep. Maybe you sing along or dance with your baby. It will help!

Have no guilt if you have the TV on during the day. Sometimes I just needed the sound to keep me company.

When you're missing your H try writing a letter. That is what I did all the time for DH. I mailed them to him and he kept them all. Even if you can't mail them to H while he's on the road it sometimes makes you feel better just to write! Also you could email if you want to send them to him.

Don't forget to feel proud of all you accomplish on a daily basis.

I hope your H finds a job close to home soon! Good luck, and remember you're doing awesome. It's definitely not easy!

xxbabycakesxx

Wow thats gotta be rough. GL with Dh finding a job close to home.