C-section & PPD/PPA

phq2011

Obviously having a c-section has nothing to do with PPD or PPA, but I feel like I don't know if how I am feeling is PPD or just not sure how to handle my c-section. I love my son, but I am always questioning my parenting skills. When I am not playing with him, I am fighting off tears. I feel like I am reliving the last few weeks of my pregnancy and my labor every day of my life. I have not been functioning well and I find myself unable to talk about labor directly, even though I see a therapist and have medication.

I don't know what to do. I am happy about my husband, but I feel like there is a part of me that I can't share with anyone because I don't want to hear the condescending "at least you have a healthy baby" or "you did the best thing for your baby". I am glad for what happened, and I would do it a million times over if I had to, but it doesn't change the fact that I feel like my body failed me and is still failing me while I struggle to keep my supply up. I just want to curl up in a ball with my son and cuddle forever because it is the only time I don't want to cry my eyes out. Not really sure the point of all this, maybe all the other PPD posts gave me hope that I am not alone.

msrkilpatrick

I feel you on this 100%. With my daughter, I never went into labor, had a failed induction, was ignored by hospital personnel during said induction, my daughter's heart stopped, and only when my mother went out and told them my child was dying did anyone do anything. I had an emergency c-section which promptly turned into a systemic infection. I felt I failed from soup to nuts when really I had no control of any of it.

I missed the first month of my child's life due to the plethora of medication I was on. I suffered from PPA and PTSD. I also wondered if I was just having a bad reaction to the fact that my body couldn't deliver my baby among other issues but the best thing I did was call for help.

Yeah- people say stupid ish- I heard the whole "healthy baby" and "best thing" from people who should know better- including my hsuband. I told them to go get fileted like a fish and come talk to me about being grateful.

You are obviously an amazing mom because you are allowing yourself to be cognizant of what's going on. Call your doctor. You are not alone and admitting you need help is not weakness- it is strength.

FWIW- I have my counselor on speed-dial this time around for when I have PPD moments. It's worth it. Thinking of you,

Reyna 

klp28

I'm so sorry you're doing through this. I can't relate to your issues with your son's birth, but I wanted you I know you're not alone with the PPD/PPA. I unfortunately feel just the opposite of you and only feel okay when I'm away from my children. I know that makes me sound like a horrific mother. I've been struggling with it for weeks now while seeing a therapist. I've just started some medication.

Best of luck to you and hang in there!! I really hope you can get some help and that it passes for you quickly.