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August 2012 Moms
Thought I would share this.
I find writing therapeutic, and poetry is usually my go-to medium because it helps me organize my thoughts in a way that isn't rambling... anyways, I wrote this tonight, and since I know that we have other girls on here suffering from PPD, I figured I would share it.
There's a hole that sits within my chest
I cannot quite explain
for it's just there and I'm not sure
exactly when it came.
Some days it's black and hollow
or it's small and hard and tight
and others it's not there at all
replaced by joy and light
I want to love each moment
as I watch you grow each day
but some days I can't find energy
to sit with you and play
From the moment you lift your lashes
to the time you fall asleep
I have to count each breath I take
so I don't fall and weep
Each task becomes a struggle
and soon I fall behind
which only makes the guilt I feel
more present in my mind
But still I want the world to see
as I walk around with grace
pretending life is perfect
with a smile upon my face
when inside I might be crumbling,
tears just behind my eyes
anxious that my face might fail,
revealing my disguise.
I don't want to feel broken
and I don't want them to think
that just because I have this hole
I'm sitting on the brink.
"Please everyone, I'll be alright
in time I'm sure it's true
but for right now I need to know
that I can trust in you
to remember that this little hole,
too small and dark to see
does not take away the fact
that I am still ME
Because even with the bad days
my life is filled with joys
I get to spend each of my days
loving my two sweet boys."
You make all of this worth it
you're the reason for the light
which brings with it the happy days
and gets me through the night
That moment when I hold you close
and smell your sweet, soft hair
when I know I'm all you want and need
and you know that I'll be there
when all the hurting goes away
as I hold you to my chest
to savor your sweet peacefulness
and forget all the rest.
Caitlyn Blake
November 25, 2012
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Thought I would share this.
That was wonderful. Getting your thoughts onto paper is a great way to vent, or even just organize your racing thoughts.
Thank you for sharing with us.
How many times do I have to tell you I love you before we officially run off and start an internet-lesbians commune somewhere up in moose country?
On a serious note (WTF, AGGIE IS INCAPABLE OF TRUE EMOTION, WHAT IS THIS MALARKY?!) I really identify with what you wrote. I feel like I've really been struggling with anxiety the past few weeks, but I'm as much of a goofball in person as I am online, so I feel a lot of pressure to keep up the wisecracks and happy face regardless of what's going on on the inside. It is nice to have company in that sh!tty place, even though I wish nobody was going through it at all.
This is amazing
so lovely and true
a gift you have for writing
and revealing all your truths
I was just thinking about you today, C_Mo.
This is exactly right.
These feelings combined with the way time is flying makes it harder but the smiles LO gives me makes it worth it.
Beautiful job.