2 year old dealing with death

megann831

My grandmother passed away about 3 1/2 weeks ago.  She had been living with my parents for the past year so DD saw her regularly.  She wasn't in the best of health so its not like they played together or anything, but DD would hug her and say hello to her.  Every time we go over DD asks where she is.  It makes me uncomfortable because it's in front of my mom alot (it was her mother), and sometimes she's asked my mom.  I'm also having a hard time dealing with it so it makes me upset, especially because I know how much my grandmother loved my kids.  How would you handle this situation?

I'd also like to try to keep my grandma's memory alive for my LOs.  Do you think a Christmas gift from grandma to DD or from DD to my grandma is a good idea?  Should I bring her to the place where my grandma is (it's one of those buildings they put the bodies in a wall) to leave anything?  DD was not involved in any of her funeral services. 

MyBeanieBaby

Hey. I'm so sorry for your lose.

It's crazy because My Grandmother Passed on the 7th of this month as well.

We were living with her. I didn't really tell her anything... I guess I'm wrong for that. She did ask where Grandmother went, and I said She went byebye. and She then Said "Be Bye Grandma, Grandma went home"

sunnybrook.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I would keep it as simple as possible. I like Fred's way of just saying, "She went to live with God." You may want to say something like we won't see her anymore but we will always love her.

I would not do any exchange of Christmas gifts. I think it would be too confusing for a young child. Telling her grandma is gone forever but then getting a present or giving her a present sends the message that she is still around. Maybe you can have her pick out a pretty balloon and draw a picture to attach to it and release the balloon to send to heaven. That may help her understand a little bit better.

I wouldn't take her to the masauelom either. She doesn't need to know where your Grandma's actual body is. That could confuse her too since you just told her she was gone or in heaven. KWIM?

I would have a picture in the house and continue to mention her. e.g. Great grandma and I would bake cookies just like you and I are doing. Great-grandmas favorite color was red, just like yours, etc. This will make your DD feel like she has memories of her and keep a bit of her alive for both of you.

LissaLee

My MIL passed away before we had kids and this has always been an ongoing conversation in our house. We were always matter of fact with our kids about death. We tell them that when someone dies, their body stops working and we will not be able to see or talk to them anymore. We explained that their spirit is in heaven, but their body is in the ground and we sometimes go there to remember the person. You can also explain that you love it when she talks about grandma, but that sometimes it might make you sad, because you miss her and want to talk to her/hug her- that way she won't feel like she's doing something wrong if she talks about grandma.

I think with Christmas, I would let LOs pick out a special ornament to hang on your tree. Explain that you can look at it every year and remember all of the special times each of you had with your grandma.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

moonfaerie

I agree with everything sunnybrook and lissalee said. I think getting a special Christmas ornament in her memory is a wonderful idea, but that gifts to or from would be way too consfusing.

I'm sorry for your loss.

akbrown64

Previous posts are giving you some great advice, but one thing I wanted to add was that we found it helpful to read a book with DS about death. It seemed to really help him.