Wish ILs would understand

Jeep Doll

We went to BIL's for Thanksgiving yesterday (and DH's entire family was there, too) and found out after being there for an hour that his roommate was sick.  We decided to leave and not risk our babies getting sick, too.  The room was silent and I felt like we were being judged for wanting to leave.  We even explained about a FT baby not having their full immune system at this age and since ours are preemies it is more of a risk.  I cried on the way out the door because of how I was made to feel.

Unfortunately this meant no turkey dinner for us.  We had to thaw a pizza when we got home.  I don't think the ILs even considered packing up leftovers to bring to us later.

I am very thankful for our babies and their health.  Also thankful for our families.

jcsntms06

Aw honey, I'm so sorry that your family just doesn't understand. My family is still the same way. We keep my oldest on lock down during thanksgiving/Christmas the year she was born and you would of thought I was taken her away forever. I'm sorry that your IL's didn't even offer Turkey dinner. Hugs.

Jeep Doll

jcsntms06:

Aw honey, I'm so sorry that your family just doesn't understand. My family is still the same way. We keep my oldest on lock down during thanksgiving/Christmas the year she was born and you would of thought I was taken her away forever. I'm sorry that your IL's didn't even offer Turkey dinner. Hugs.

Thanks for listening!  I wish I would have thought of keeping them on lock down and mentioned that right when they were born.  MIL was mad I wouldn't let her hold one of them while they were sleeping.  I don't get to enjoy holding a happy baby often since the other is typically fussing LOL.  She had her turn at being a mom, now it is my turn to enjoy the moments.  She complained a few weeks ago that she isn't feeling like a grandma since she doesn't see them much (she sees them every other week and she was there every other day during NICU).  Oy.

kelly321

I'm so sorry. It's really frustrating when people just don't get it and think that once they're out of the NICU they're just like a full-term baby. I'm glad your DH supported you, though.

Brummy14

I'm so sorry. It already amazes me how much people feel entitled to your own children -- it's ridiculous. As if I don't have little enough control already with them being in the NICU

I've already started setting expectations with family NOW about how obnoxious I'm going to be in terms of the girls being on lock down until I go back to work (and then not allowing people to stay with us for months after that -- so we have time to get into a routine) -- so there aren't any surprises. I'm openly saying -- directly to these individuals -- that we expect we will offend F&F in the coming months, but my first priority is to myself, my husband, and my girls once they get home. Beyond that, I don't have the time or energy to concern myself with anything else. And, honestly, I'm at peace with that.

Jeep Doll

I am crying out of thankfulness in all of the replies.  You all are so supportive and understanding.  It is hard to talk to anyone else, even other moms, as they don't typically get it.

Lilystar82

People don't understand at all. (((Hugs)) I've actually lost friends over scenarios like this. It's so hurtful that people just can't understand that we want/have to protect them. None of us could control having a preemie, but we can try our damnedest to control whether they are exposed to something that can make them sick. I'm so sorry you had to deal with it!! (((Hugs))) 

RobinR91

I wanted to let u know I feel the exact same way. Only when this happened to me yesterday it was my sister who was sick...so we skipped the family gathering. Only I now cannot meet my new niece born ten days before my trio. Like PP saidit's not forever. It's only temporary. I'm sorry thus happened to you. But it makes baby snuggling time all the better, doesn't it?

DrRx

I'm so sorry they made you feel that way!  Just know that you did the right thing! Like PPs have said, people think that once they're out of the NICU then they're just like FTs.