DH at out-of-state shower

DublinMama

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! I am putting this out there because it is becoming a point of contention for my DH and I.  We live in NH and my shower is 2 hours away in MA.  It is not co-ed, although my brother will be there who my DH is close to. I know it is not customary to have DH at the shower the entire time, and he usually just shows up at the end to help with gifts and say hello.  However, with the shower being OOS, that really can't happen for us.  So I say he needs to go and he says he should just be able to stay home in NH.

I tried to compromise and say he and my brother can go out for the majority of the shower and have a beer or something, and then come back towards the end for thank yous and loading the gifts, but he still says no.  I just think it's rude have all these family members buying things for our baby in the middle of the holiday season and he can't even be bothered to spend a little time with them.  He says it's a party for me, not him, and it's all my family anyway and two hours away, so it's silly to have to go down for a 30 minute appearance.  What's the consensus? 

EastCoastBride

I'm w/ your DH on this.  I've never been to a non co-ed shower where the DH showed up at the end.  It's not a given that this happens, and no one sees it as rude for the dad to not come.

 

MsAmeera25

Do you need him to drive you there? If not I would leave him be. FWIW my DH doesn't want to go to our shower either and it is coed lol I think men don't like showers and no one really expects them to be there.

rhubarb123

I would not force him to go...especially since he doesn't want to.  My DH came at the very end (I mean it was totally over) just to help pack up things (too much for my vehicle alone).  He did not show up anytime at the other two smaller showers.

What is your BIL going to do during the shower?  Maybe if HE asked her DH to actually do/go somewhere he would be willing to go?  If not...then don't force the issue.

Happy Thanksgiving to you, as well!

rpalen29

i've been to showers where DH shows up at the end, to say thank you and help load the car. My now-husband said thank you for all my bridal shower gifts, and helped me pack the car. Especially since it's a long way away; I wouldn't want to drive back and forth for 4 hours. I would make up some excuse that you'll be too tired, and he needs to drive home. I just got home from Thanksgiving at my moms not too long ago, and it's about a little over an hour away. I drive one way, H drives the other. 

theimpossibleastronaut

I am having an out-of-state shower as well, and my husband will be driving up there with me. It's not really co-ed, but my twin brother is helping out, so he will be there as well. I think the boys will just hang out while the shower is going on.

ungraceful13

My husband didn't come to any of my first shower as he was hunting with all the men of my family. I doubt he will show up to any of the next shower either even though it is with his family. It is just not our norm.

ggatlanta

If being rude is your only concern, then I would let him stay home. There is nothing rude about his not attending in whole or in part.

Possibly unrelated sidenote: I've known more than a few women who used the worried-about-rudeness excuse just to get their DHs to attend something with them; heck, I have done it myself, with disastrous results. In my experience, you're more likely to get a positive response from him if he knows he is helping you (instead of just following what he sees as arbitrary social rules). Yes, he may say no, but at least he knows what he's really saying no to!