My ex served me papers for custody

tlszoltysik

Saturday I was served papers from my ex husband (who is deployed by the way) stating that he wants full custody and that I only deserve every other weekend visitations. My stomach is completely in knots because of the things he has accussed me of! I'm pretty much a bad mother because I work full time and can't make every function that he has, while his new wife can (she doesn't work). That I never make him bathe, or change his clothing (seriously!?!), that I can not financially take care of him because I already have 3 kids with baby number four on the way, I have a great paying job, a brand new SUV, and a 2500 sq ft house, I would say we're doing pretty good. He's even went so far to try to use my 12 year old against me, because he got into trouble at school! I have given him pretty much everything he has asked of me! He wanted our son to go to school by his house, I agreed (it's 20 mins out of my way), he wanted him to continue to go over there to his wife even though he is deployed to keep him on his schedule, I agreed. He wants to take him home for Christmas, I agreed, annnnnd I even agreed with him staying here in the states to finish school before he moved to Germany to be with us. We leave in Jan for Germany, and my ex is supposed to be going there in June. I'm lost on what to do and could use any advice.

I have started looking for a lawyer, but I'm just upset about all of this. My kids are my everything, and I work hard to make sure they have what they want/need.

Holly_1007

is it possible he is trying to get custody because you are moving to germany? I can see where he would not want to lose his time with his son just because you are moving to another country.  while it does suck no matter what, a judge will look at all the facts and do what is in the BEST interest of the child.  just do what you have been doing, provide a supportive loving environment for your son and be as cooperative as possible with the ex. 

Ooglybear

holly71087:

is it possible he is trying to get custody because you are moving to germany? I can see where he would not want to lose his time with his son just because you are moving to another country.

...

This. As I was reading your post, I thought "He doesn't stand a chance" until I got to the part about moving to Germany. You should speak with a lawyer, but honestly you may have an uphill battle ahead of you... 

FutureMrsWittig

Keep doing what you're doing.  Don't react.  He is hoping to get you good and angry and have you start making irrational choices that he can use against you.  Stop giving him any information about your family that does not pertain to the child you have together.  It's none of his business.  Start documenting anything and everything.  And find a good lawyer.

xmaryrickx

The accusations sound ridiculous but it sounds like after January he will have full custody as you will be in another country and DS will be here with his dad. Maybe it's setting up the legalities of that. Or not. Talk to a lawyer ASAP

Littlejen22

xmaryrickx:

The accusations sound ridiculous but it sounds like after January he will have full custody as you will be in another country and DS will be here with his dad. Maybe it's setting up the legalities of that. Or not. Talk to a lawyer ASAP

This. Have you put it in writting? I would bet that he will not send your son at the end of the school year.

Ginlyn0

You are basically saying you are agreeing to leave your child for 6 months. Why wouldn't he go for full custody if you aren't going to be in the states to make any decisions for him? It does sound like he is taking steps to prevent the move on your son's behalf though. This move will have huge impacts on him. First you are leaving him for 6 months, then uprooting him and taking him to a foreign country. That is a pretty dramatic change for a child and likely one the court will take into consideration. I would find a lawyer that specializes in these types of situations.

wren444

So he is deployed right now and basically going for full custody so that DS can be in step-mom's custody? His reasons sound desperate. I am wondering if he is scared you are going to re-neg on your agreement to leave him when you move to Germany...and this is pro-active to prevent that. Regardless of his motives, it's time to lawyer up. If you haven't put anything in writing, then I would reconsider leaving DS when you move because that will definitely not help - though you probably can't take him out of the country without his dad's permission.

In our state the courts require mediation before a custody hearing, if you have a good track record of working things out then I would encourage mediation...but don't delay getting a lawyer. 

 

tlszoltysik

I agreed to let him stay because he has been deployed for a year, and was trying to be nice to let him spend time with his son, as well as to let our son finish the school year instead of having to transfer schools (all of this I have thought about long and hard before agreeing, AND I have gotten his agreement in writing, I'm not stupid) He is ALSO moving to Germany as well, just not until June. Everything we have discussed has been through email, so I have everything in writing, as well as text messages from his new wife cussing me out, and stating that she keeps things from me, such as his report card (I have yet to see), I missed his parent teacher confernece because she didn't tell me about it, as well as not being able to take my own son to the doctor because they refuse to give me his military ID, and they won't see him without that.  

 I have found a lawyer and my husband has put in a extension so we can stay here a little longer instead of moving in Janurary, that way I can stay here and fight this case, and with our baby due in Feb, my husband doesn't want to leave me. I'm hoping that it gets approved.

HisChamaoleGirl

tlszoltysik:

I agreed to let him stay because he has been deployed for a year, and was trying to be nice to let him spend time with his son, as well as to let our son finish the school year instead of having to transfer schools (all of this I have thought about long and hard before agreeing, AND I have gotten his agreement in writing, I'm not stupid) He is ALSO moving to Germany as well, just not until June. Everything we have discussed has been through email, so I have everything in writing, as well as text messages from his new wife cussing me out, and stating that she keeps things from me, such as his report card (I have yet to see), I missed his parent teacher confernece because she didn't tell me about it, as well as not being able to take my own son to the doctor because they refuse to give me his military ID, and they won't see him without that.  

 I have found a lawyer and my husband has put in a extension so we can stay here a little longer instead of moving in Janurary, that way I can stay here and fight this case, and with our baby due in Feb, my husband doesn't want to leave me. I'm hoping that it gets approved.

What branch of military are you? DH and I are Army and he gave BM an "agent letter" which allows SS to have access to his military dependent rights. This includes MWR, CYS, and medical. How old is your son? BM has SS id card but we are still able to take him to the doctor with a document we got from he ID card section. They wont give duplicate ids but the form we have gets the job done.

J&A2008

I know for our case the judge didn't care one iota how available I was to be with the children, just DH and BM.

mccall0113

Obtain legal services for yourself and I would encourage a law guardian for the boy.