holiday guilt...

PhillyGal34

My husband and I are taking granola bars and snacks to our NICU for the families, doctors, nurses, and staff that are working tomorrow.  I cannot imagine how hard it has to be for them, and for those of you on here that still have babies in the NICU, to be there during the holidays so I thought a snack would be nice so that they don't have to leave their LO to grab something.  I am a generally thoughtful person, or so I'd like to believe at least haha, but I also realized I am doing this out of guilt in a way. I feel guilty that I'm not there and that I got "lucky" and had my preemie in the summer and missed the major holidays.  We were there for father's day which was extremely difficult and I had major guilt when my husband had to hold up a picture of our son for the family father/kid picture with his dad and brothers... but still I feel like I was lucky. 

 Does anyone else ever feel this way or am I just oversensitive? 

thishappyhouse

Thats so nice of you to bring treats but try not to feel guilty.  Any time of the year in the NICU is difficult.  We were in the hospital for a crazy streak of holidays  last year  (September until late February) and honestly while it sucked, everyone made the most of it.   The nurses, doctors and staff were so kind and genuinely making the most of working even though they were away from their families.  Some of my best memories from bedrest and our NICU stay were from the holidays.  Our sweet primaries always made a point to make a card or sign for us "from" our daughter for special holidays and I cherish those cards now.   They all have her little handprints or footprints.

Denesdia

I was glad to see this post today.  I think that this is part of our healing process to reflect back on our time in the NICU and to feel the desire to "give back".  Although, we can all admit that we will never really be "paid in full" to all the people, technology, prayers, etc., that saved our little ones and us during our parenting journeys.  Guilt for me ebbs and flows.  Our NICU time was worse than some, better than others.  I still think a lot about the NICU staff who choose their job every day, over and over; despite the pain and the never-ending cycle of new babies, new tears, etc.  It really is very amazing, but I know that they still have heartache in private.  I bet it feels great to feel remembered with visits, treats, and pictures of our LO's doing awesome.  Good job.

kelkel09

that's really nice thing you are doing! We were one of those families last year that were in the NICU during the holidays and it was really hard. DD had come home right before Halloween, but DS stayed in the hospital until April so he was there for all of the big holidays (Thanksgiving, X-mas, New Years, V-day, St. Patties, Easter). It was hard for us that would couldn't have both of our babies at home so we ended up just bringing DD and would take turns with her in the waiting room while the other one was in with DS. I think it's so nice that you are doing something nice and showing you care about people who are in that situation, but I definitely don't think you need to feel guilty at all!

 

on a side note -- I am so excited that DS is home with us this year for Thanksgiving  and the rest of the holiday season! 

SBBBE

What you are doing is thoughtful. Our twins spent father's day and the fourth of July in the NICU. While these holidays might not be as big as thanksgiving and Christmas we still missed out on family gatherings. We didn't give a second thought about skipping everything and just spending time in the NICU bit it was sad to think we couldn't attend any of the family gatherings as a family.

One day a girl scout troop left a basket full of girl scout cookies in the waiting room. I hesitated about taking one since it was something we could easily afford to buy. My mom convinced me to take one since the sign said to NICU families. I am so glad I took one. It really made my day. I even kept the box all to myself and put it in my pumping bag. I would take it out each day and eat a couple as I pumped. This was extra nice since I was on a strict GD diet while pregnant and couldn't eat cookies! Someday when life settles down I would like to repay the favor. I want to do it during the holiday season but also during a month like May or September. Often months without holidays get left out. They deserve pick me ups too!

PhillyGal34

Ok thanks guys... I just put together two big bags of granola bars and bags of snacks and filled out cards for the Staff/nurses/doctors and then one for the Special Care families... I just signed it from our 31 week miracle to yours... Happy Thanksgiving! 

I guess the guilt comes from our NICU stay like a PP said. Although he was there for 26 days it was uneventful. I KNOW that there are so many families that had it far worse than we did.  I am also thinking of talking to the higher ups about starting a weekly support group for NICU parents and NICU grad parents... but part of me feels like even though I was there and went through all the emotions my son wasn't "sick enough" for me to feel entitled to start something like that... does that make sense?? I feel like mom's will be like "you have no idea what I am going through!" if their kids are having a tougher time.  Darn the emotional roller-coaster that is the NICU experience!