What your Dr/RE has told you

katt3233

I "liked" Resolve's page on FB. Everyday they post an IF related question, and today's question was "how do you cope with IF during the holidays?" Someone responded with "I was told I would never have kids and now I'm carrying my miracle....."

It made me think, do Dr's really tell people they'll "never have kids"? Or is that just something people say when they get a rough diagnosis? I've heard that story from people trying to be sympathetic and give me hope..."so and so was told they'd never had kids and now they have a 2 year old...." I've thought it myself and maybe my Dr has thought it, but its never been said out loud.

Just wondering your experience.

Trippleb

I know several people who claimed they were told this by their Dr. and of course all those people unexpectedly had oops babies.  I've also heard from someone in the medical field that a Dr. would never say never.   So I don't know.  My gut feeling is a Dr. would only say that if you were missing a uterus or both ovaries.

DoublePortion

When I hear stories like that most of the time I think that the person is just being a tad dramatic, but I know there are some situations where that is the case. (I'm scrolling through someone's FB page to try to find a post she did earlier this year explaining her situation.) My RE has never told me there is absolutely no way I will ever have kids. He's said that it's highly unlikely without IVF, but that he's seen women in worse situations than mine end up PG on their own.

ETA: I couldn't find her post. I hate the new FB layout. Anyway, the shortened version is that she tried for years with her 1st husband. They got divorced. Then she tried for years with her 2nd husband. During these years she had several major surgeries and did fertility treatments. I want to say she had endo and some other issues but I'm not 100% on what it was exactly. Grr I wish I could find the post!

Edwina.McDunnough

No RE has even pushed DE on us, it was something we pursued on our own.

BzeetyD

We have not been told that, ever - but I feel like we're at the 60 to 70% mark in our total journey. We have been told that we'd be successful with DE (and I believe it - we're just not quite ready for that step) - but we have never been pushed into it - we asked about it ourselves.

I think it's said by IF or non-IFer for "dramatic effect."

My cousin's wife suffered from an eating disorder in college (as did I) and she was allegedly told that she "wouldn't have children" - well she got PG like at 22 and my aunt said "it was a miracle" and now they have 4 kids and she's 28ish. That's some generous miracle.

Mrs.McIrish

I was refused further IVF cycles after #2 unless I used DE by a clinic. They refused to let me cycle again with OE.  RE said it was pointless.

liz4paws

I have never had anyone say the phrase "you can't have children" to me but my RE has said the probability of us having children using my OE is very unlikely -  under 1%. When we went through our IVF cycle this summer, she explained ahead of time we were putting everything and "the kitchen sink" into our aggressive cycle. So when I showed no response whatsoever, my RE didn't need to say anything to confirm it was the end of the line for us, we all knew. In fact, at my last monitoring appointment where it showed no progress she held me while I bawled in her office, not saying a word.

We decided that pursuing donor embryos was the right next step for us. I believe we will have children someday, they just won't be made of our genetic makeup so the phrase "you can't have children" would be irresponsible for any doctor to tell a patient if you ask me.

BzeetyD

Also, I would personally assume, that this comment is made about 100% biological children. I don't think the majority of people even think about DS, or DE or DEmbryos as options to creating a family.

Mrkyrain

I was told that I had about the same chance trying on our own as doing IVF.  It was a less than 3% chance of getting pregnant either way.  We decided to do one more IVF and the fifth time was a charm.  Due in 3 and a half weeks.  Not sure if those odds translate into "never getting pregnant" for some people.

DoublePortion

Ah-HA! I found the post! After one of this woman's surgeries the dr told her husband that she would not be able to get PG because she had congenital fallopian tube defects and her ovaries were "hard as rocks". The dr did suggest IVF, but said that he didn't think it would work. They decided not to try IVF and have had 2 children.

Sophistikitty

A quote from my RE?s consultation notes after our last WTF... ?While not impossible, the odds of pregnancy resulting in live birth are very low indeed.  Although statistics can be wrong, it is my opinion that they are correct in this case.  My question to them is, do they want to continue with the financial and emotional realities of multiple cycles or would they prefer to move to the relative certainty of donor eggs?  If they decide that those low medical odds are emotionally worthwhile, I am happy to continue IVF treatment with her own eggs until they are ready to consider other options and/or until further treatment is medically futile.  However, this is not my recommendation.?  He ended his notes with, ?This couple is going to have a baby, it is a matter of how they choose to get there.?  

I agree that most RE?s will not say, ?You will never have children.?  In my opinion, the only way an RE could definitively say that is if you had no ovaries or no uterus.  Otherwise, there is always a chance no matter how low the odds.  I think that is what makes the transition to other family building options that much more difficult.

zazu13

Sophistikitty:

 He ended his notes with, ?This couple is going to have a baby, it is a matter

How wonderful is that! Thanks for sharing this and best of luck to you!