MIL Wednesday?

k3montel

Sorry...MIL is coming over at 11 tomorrow and spending the ENTIRE WEEKEND with us! So, I need to vent a bit here.

I've figured out why I'm so annoyed with her.  I am a teacher, and yes, I know I am lucky to get breaks.  However, she is literally taking EVERY. SINGLE. BREAK. this year.  You all know that she moved out of state in July for the next 2.5 years until she can retire because she did not like her boss.  Everyone thinks she made the wrong decision, including herself.  Anyway...too late to change your mind, MIL.  So...she was not going to come in for Thanksgiving, but she found a really cheap flight about a month ago.  So, now she's coming in tomorrow and staying unitl Tuesday...there's one break...oh and she's making us go up north with her.  Christmas break is 2 weeks for us...she'll be here for a week and a half.  Easter, we have to go see her, because we have not been there yet.  On top of all of this...it will be PJ's first Thanksgiving and first Christmas, and she is going to try to hog time with him because she never gets to spend time with him.  TFB!!!!!  I have been looking forward to his first holidays for SO LONG, and now she is coming in and going to ruin it for us!  She's already ruined our morning that DH and I planned for tomorrow.  And then, because she is going to be here, DH wants us to go into the attic and do a bunch of stuff so she can have time with just PJ.  This would normally be fine, but this has been a LONG week, and I was planning to just relax tomorrow and leisurely make my dish for Thanksgiving dinner...not going to happen.

I'm sorry, it may be a stupid vent, I know I should just appreciate that PJ has another person who loves him, but she drives me effing insane!!!!!  I'm done.  Thanks for letting me vent.

lancyjo

You very much have the right to have some special family moments over the holidays, especially since it's your baby's first. Have a talk with hubs, tell him your concerns, and pre-plan some things that you will do just the 3 of you.

I also think it's extremely rude of her to plan to be at your house on your first Christmas as a family of 3. That's a special moment, and she doesn't have the right to butt in unless you invite her.

How does your hubs feel about all of this? Have you told him about your feelings?

 

MrMrsandBaby

lancyjo:

You very much have the right to have some special family moments over the holidays, especially since it's your baby's first. Have a talk with hubs, tell him your concerns, and pre-plan some things that you will do just the 3 of you.

I also think it's extremely rude of her to plan to be at your house on your first Christmas as a family of 3. That's a special moment, and she doesn't have the right to butt in unless you invite her.

How does your hubs feel about all of this? Have you told him about your feelings?

 

This!  Make some plans, and don't invite MIL along.  It is important that you set your own family traditions and if they don't include MIL that is ok.  Just make sure DH is on board...if he is wishy washy about it you may end up with a tag-along.

Also, do you have other family nearby that MIL can visit for part of the breaks?  I have used this on my mom, "Sorry, Allison isn't feeling well so we are just going to be home snuggling today."  Maybe if you let your other family in the area know you need some alone time with PJ they will make plans with MIL?

jmccall79

I also agree with making your own traditions!  We don't usually 'do' Thanksgiving, so it's not usually a big deal.  However, Christmas always seems to be a nightmare.  Christmas Day has always been at my Grandmothers (my dad's mom), for EVER.  The routine is: go for breakfast, sit around forever, finally open presents, sit around some more while those that are fixing lunch do their thing, finally eat again, then sit around some more.  It's just what happens.  Well, my little sister and her husband decided when their son was born that that was all crap!  My sister said it sucks to give your child presents Christmas morning then tell him he can't play with it because you've got to leave.  They come for breakfast, open presents, hang out just a little bit then leave and go back to their house.   They then have an Open House for any friends and family who want to come by.  There was a big deal made by his parents that they never got to see them on Christmas Day (though they'd already had their family Christmas function).  So, that's why they do it this way now.  It's actually pretty fun.  They fry up some turkeys, people bring finger foods.  Sit and hang out for a while then go.  There's no big crowd.  No obligation.  My Aunt throws a fit, but my sister just tells her that this is 'her' family, and this is how they're going to do things.  If she doesn't like it, well, they can not come at all if she's going to act that way.  My Aunt usually shuts up pretty quick. 

Long story, I'm sorry.  Things do change when you have your own kids.  You've got to do what's best and what you want for your family and to he!! with the rest.

k3montel

Here's the thing, MIL has her own house here.  She did not sell it because it is paid off, and she is coming back as soon as she can retire.  So she isn't sleeping at our house.  However, she wants to spend every waking minute there.

DH wants his mom to come over tomorrow all day because she hasn't seen PJ since August.  I'm sorry...this was HER choice; she did NOT have to leave PJ at all, but she decided that having a boss that you like is more important than seeing your grandson twice a week.  So I don't feel like she has a right to claim that, but she will anyway.

DH did already tell her that she is not allowed to come over to our house before noon on Christmas Day, and that when she moves back, even that will be taken off the table.  This was all him...I had nothing to do with that...although, I am extremely happy that he didn't ask me if she could come over for Santa presents in the morning b/c I would have been the bad guy.  Christmas Day, we usually go to my Dad's family around 3 or 4, and MIL ALWAYS comes with us.  So...she will still get to see PJ on Christmas, it just won't be in the morning.

We do have some ideas for traditions...the problem is that this year was supposed to set the precedent for all future holidays.  Then she decided to move.  So we have to be VERY specific that this year and next year are going to be the only times that she is allowed to do such and such because after that...she WILL try to say, "but I've done such and such every year since PJ was born". 

Oh...and the kicker...we are staying at a hotel this weekend.  We were supposed to stay with DH's aunt, idk what happened there.  MIL called about two weeks ago and said, "I got us a hotel room".  DH was like..."A hotel room?"  We are not staying in the same room.  She got mad and didn't understand why we did not want to stay in a room with 2 queen beds with her.  SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!!? WTF?!?!?!!?  DH blamed me and said that I prefer to have my own bathroom when we go away with people instead of just saying that it is inappropriate for her to stay in the same room as her grown son and his wife.  Needless to say, we have our own room...otherwise I don't think I would make it home alive after this weekend.

Mar5195

Damm I feel guilty.  It was my ILs turn for us to have Turkey Day with them.  We go every other year.  But because it's the kiddo's first TD I lied and say he had been especially requested to attend my Mom's dinner by my Grandpa.  He lost his sister a week ago.  So I totally played the "He needs my son to survive the holiday card".  

When the truth is I'm not a fan of her Thanksgiving.  She buys the cheap ham and we like Honeybaked!