M's Custody Arrangement

msditz00

So originally when we took M in, her mom was in a decent place in her life (not able to care for M, but trying to get her life back together).  She was around to sign the papers that we need to seek medical attention, and her mom could contact her if needed.

Now she's taking M's child support money that is direct deposited into her account and is MIA.  Which unfortunately, most likely (OK, certainly) means her sobriety didn't last long.

We (my husband, M's grandmother, and myself) are now concerned about M's wellbeing - what if M's mom comes to take her.  Of course at that point we could get DCF involved, but I'm concerned that if we have to call 911, they are going to let her mom leave with her or they will just remove her from our care until things can get sorted out.

I talked to a lawyer today, and he says we can expect to spend "only" $1k if we can get both parents to voluntarily sign over temp custody.  Since M's mom cannot be located right now, that isn't likely to happen.

The DCF caseworker that M's grandmother originally dealt with is tell her that since she didn't let M enter into the system right away, there is nothing they will do.  The way they see it, M is safe with us so unless she's getting abused or neglected they won't help.  Since she isn't in state care, we don't qualify for a lot of services.

We were paying for M's day care with the child support money.  There is an organization that helps to pay for child care, but M doesn't qualify because she lives with us and we make, "too much money." 

We COULD afford to pay for the day care, but it is just so frustrating because we really feel that there are siblings out there who are meant to join our family.  We are trying to save and get ourselves into a good position for when we welcome our children into our home.  We love M, but I'm not going to lie - I get irritated thinking about how much money M's mom's mistakes are costing US.  Before you jump down my throat - we are not refusing her anything.  We are taking her to Disney, have added her to every event our children are already scheduled to attend, etc.  So we ARE spending the money, it would just be nice if we didn't have to (if her mother was able to parent her). 

And speaking of Disney - we booked M a plane ticket because hermom said she could go.  We assumed, since she was around, we would have no trouble getting the notarized documents we need to take her.  Now I have no idea how we are getting her on the plane!!!

Sorry for the vent.  I feel so stuck, we don't know what to do! I have emails out to a few DCF people again asking for guidance.

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DaisyZH

I really don't have any advice, I'm just sorry you're dealing with such a tough situation.  I'm glad that M has a place with people that love her and are taking great care of her, but I definately understand the frustration about lack of resources. 

Thoughts and prayers for all of you, I hope that M's mom comes around so that hopefully you can get the paperwork needed.

msditz00

Spooko:

I'm sorry. I've been there. I think if the parents are likely to be agreeable to signing the papers, even if they are MIA at the moment, I'd proceed with getting them drawn up.

If there's any chance that they'll go against it or show up to claim her, I'd strongly recommend getting CPS back involved. Do it yourself instead of going through the gma. That way, you know exactly what the story is and what you need to do to get things straightened out. That way, you have the protection of keeping her in your care, you have the case being built against the parents if reunification isn't likely, you have services for the parents if reunification is for the best, and you have the financial assistance since kids cost $$$.

We had DS (nephew) for quite awhile before he was officially with us through CPS, so I call bs on them not being able to do it now. Keep fighting for this kid. Sounds like you're all M has.

If you ever want to talk, LMK. It's a hard road and and can feel like a very lonely one.

I asked our social worker to look into the closed case, and she got back to me and advised us now to go about it to get the case opened again.  She feels it would be in M's best interest to be a DCF child so we can start documenting things, in case her mom can't take her back.  M's grandmother and I have been using her advice to try to open up a case.

I'm going to start a new post about emailing a foster/adoption support group in CT.  I was very taken aback by it, not sure if I am being sensitive.