WWYD?

Elsa1984

Long story short: SO has a cousin, who's only child is 4. She was perfectly healthy until several months ago when she lost movement in her face. They suspected Bell's Palsy. It ended up being a terminal brain disease. She is now in a wheelchair, being fed with a feeding tube, lost her ability to talk, and is back in diapers. Doctor's don't know if she will pass in weeks, months or a year....but she will pass. SO refuses to talk about her unless we are talking about a gift to send or only positive. He refuses to talk about what is going to happen when she does pass. We, and the rest of the family, live in WA. His cousin, cousin's wife, and their daughter live in NV. We don't know, and obviously I am not going to ask, what state the memorial is going to be in.

Should I start stowing away money in case we need to take off and go to NV? We are on one income so we cannot afford to just up and go unless we save for it. I hate having to think about this part of the whole thing and preparing for the end of her life, but I would also hate if we couldn't afford to go and support his cousin and pay our respects if they choose to have the memorial in NV.

Chunstad

Yes you need to start saving some $.  People deal with grief differently, it sounds like your poor SO is dealing with it in his own way.  In my opinion, you have to do whatever you can to attend a funeral.  Your poor, poor family, I'm so sorry.

morsey2011

Chunstad:

Yes you need to start saving some $.  People deal with grief differently, it sounds like your poor SO is dealing with it in his own way.  In my opinion, you have to do whatever you can to attend a funeral.  Your poor, poor family, I'm so sorry.

this. I am so sorry. 

chulita425

I'm very sorry this is happening. I would start saving money so that way you will be prepared and can attend any service they have. This is devastating, sending T&P for all of you!

ellewoodsSC

What a devastating situation and a horrible reality for your family!  I am sorry your SO is in denial about the outcome.  Since it is inevitable, it would be prudent to have a savings acct to dip into for travel expenses, but there's no need to explain to your SO what it's there for.  Wouldn't it be better for you to visit while she is still here to help out and provide support rather than waiting for a memorial?

LCass

ellewoodsSC:

What a devastating situation and a horrible reality for your family!  I am sorry your SO is in denial about the outcome.  Since it is inevitable, it would be prudent to have a savings acct to dip into for travel expenses, but there's no need to explain to your SO what it's there for.  Wouldn't it be better for you to visit while she is still here to help out and provide support rather than waiting for a memorial?

I wondered the bolded for a bit, too, but then thought that with the denial your SO is in and the fact that it's his cousin who you want to support, really, not the poor child herself, going for the memorial makes more sense.  Unless you think that the cousin would appreciate having a visit, but I would imagine they might not want to share what precious time they have plus having visitors might just add more stress.  I'm sorry for the whole family.  Hopefully your SO comes to terms with the situation, although it might not happen before the end.  I think it's a good idea to start planning and saving, even if you don't tell your SO exactly what it is you're saving for (a trip to visit cousin instead of a trip to attend the memorial, for example).

kujayhawkgirl

I'm really sorry, Elsa. That is just an awful, sad situation. I would definitely start saving money, whether it's for a trip to visit before she passes or when her memorial will be. People definitely greive in differenct ways, and that includes handling the information about a terminal illness. You're family will be in my thoughts and prayers. ((hugs))

UFCasey

What an awful situation. I think you should assume the memorial will be in Nevada. After their daughter passes I don't imagine they will plan the memorial to be more convenient for everyone else you know? Especially if they plan to bury her. : My heart breaks for them. Just save up as much as you can so at least your SO will be able to go if nothing else. My thoughts and prayers are with them.

aml+japan

What a sad situation for your family to be going through. I agree with what PPs have said about putting money aside, and my thoughts are with you.

stardust317

I would say yes. I'm sorry your family is going through this.

Elsa1984

LCass:

ellewoodsSC:

What a devastating situation and a horrible reality for your family!  I am sorry your SO is in denial about the outcome.  Since it is inevitable, it would be prudent to have a savings acct to dip into for travel expenses, but there's no need to explain to your SO what it's there for.  Wouldn't it be better for you to visit while she is still here to help out and provide support rather than waiting for a memorial?

I wondered the bolded for a bit, too, but then thought that with the denial your SO is in and the fact that it's his cousin who you want to support, really, not the poor child herself, going for the memorial makes more sense.  Unless you think that the cousin would appreciate having a visit, but I would imagine they might not want to share what precious time they have plus having visitors might just add more stress.  I'm sorry for the whole family.  Hopefully your SO comes to terms with the situation, although it might not happen before the end.  I think it's a good idea to start planning and saving, even if you don't tell your SO exactly what it is you're saving for (a trip to visit cousin instead of a trip to attend the memorial, for example).

He isn't in denial, he just only wants to focus on the present with her and the devastating outcome. Right now, she is alive so he wants to only be positive and focus on her being alive. When she passes, he will focus on travel arrangement during that time. He has always been that way when it comes to sad things....focusing on the moment.

We can't really go down right now while she is alive. They have LO's grandma there, they are living in a Ronald McDonald house in Utah while she is in and out of the hospital. Their house in NV is being watched by a neighbor. They spend so much time with her at appointments and everything. They did have some other family come down and his cousin mentioned it actually made it a little more stressful because they are so used to entertaining people visiting that they couldn't relax, even though the guests told them to have some time to themselves and they would take shifts with LO, they still felt like they needed to entertain the visitors. So they have limited the visitors to immediate family.