When did you tell? — The Bump
LGBT Parenting

When did you tell?

When did you tell friends and family you were TTC?  My partner and I agreed not to say anything until we are pregnant.  Other than us, the only two people we told are my best friend and a good mutual friend of ours.  It's hard not telling my mom because we are very close, but I didn't want the awkward questions.  It is getting harder now that we have had our first insemination, though!  Your experiences?
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Re: When did you tell?

  • We don't plan to share with friends and family until 8-12 weeks. We've only shared with local people in an LGBTQ fertility class and support group, and me online here and another board. C sometimes wants to tell some friends, but I'd prefer not to and she respects that. The main concern is that if ttc takes longer, you may have people asking and while that could be nice support for some, it would feel like pressure to me. Also, many straight couples don't make announcements, and I like the idea of a surprise for our community. That being said, everyone knows we plan to have kids, so we know it will be positive reactions when the time comes.
    Met 07/07/05, Wedding 07/07/07, Legal Marriage Ceremony 12/9/12, Baby Boy Born 08/09/13 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • My last miscarriage I had told a lot of people and regretted it. This time around we only told our best friends and I am glad I did it that way. If you are not successful (which hopefully you will be) sometimes there can be pressure to call and notify all those people that you told and that can be a little rough.
    Iui #1 = unmedicated = bfn. Iui # 2 = clomid 50 mg = bfn. Iui # 3 = clomid 50 mg = bfn. Iui # 4 = unmedicated = bfn. Iui # 5 = unmedicated = bfp - miscarriage at 5 wks. Iui #6 = nov 2012 = gonal f 75, endotrim 100= chemical pregnancy/bfn
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  • We told our 'inner circle' of family and friends before we started ttc. If I could do it again, I wouldn't tell so many people, even though it wasn't many. We had a lot of 'did it work?' calls and emails which were painful after a while.
    IUI #1 - 10 April 2012 unmonitored and unmedicated with RE 
    IUI #2 - 05 May 2012 unmonitored and unmedicated with RE 
    IUI #3 - 05 July 2012 unmonitored and unmedicated with RE 
    IUI #4 - 30 August 2012 medicated and monitoredLetrozole and Ovidrel Trigger 
    IUI #5 - 27 September 2012 Letrozole 
    BFP! 9 October 2012 Betas:- 12DPO 16; 16DPO 96; 18DPO 315

    Baby Alarico born on 28 June 2013!!


  • Our families and closest friends new we were ttc.  We were very clear upfront that we would release information as we felt comfortable so please don't ask a ton of questions.  We did allow our families to ask questions when we told them letting them get it out of their system.

    When we got our BFP we told our moms and two closest friends but these were the people we would have told should something happened.  

    I think it's a very personal choice.  I just knew we wanted the support of our moms and two best friends.  We told the world we were pregnant after our n/t scan results were in. 

    M & M
    06/12 - BFP!!!!
    Beta #1 15dpo - 256
    Beta #2 18dpo - 1097
    6wk U/S on 07/02 ~ TWINS!!!
    EDD 02/21/13
    09/10/12 Found out it's two Boys!!!! Sam and Jake
    Jacob and Samuel born 1/29/13 at 36 weeks. photo F489900B-BB44-4C44-ACD1-ABB73509E3B2-9032-000005E7AE7EF53E.jpg Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • It is a very personal process and difficult to decide when to tell. Straight women don't say hey I'm going to have sex with my husband this weekend! But it can be so involved for us and so much more emotional. I told my boss because of all the days I had to take off to drive 3 hours to and from fertility clinic. Then she asked me about it when I was on Clomid and I snapped at her and now she is afraid. Hehe. She knows not to ask me now, and that I'll talk when it's time. 12 weeks, not 8 when I told last time and then had an MC.

    When I finally come out with the news, in 2013 or 2014 I'm giving myself a year I'm sure everyone will say "we were wondering!!!" Let them wonder.
    M&K met 8/2002 married 6/2012
    TTC with RE since March 2012
    3 missed O's, 6 IUIs = 1 BFP then 8 w M/C, 5 BFNs
    (2 unmedicated IUIs, 2 clomid IUI, 2 femara IUI)
    Shared maternity/partner IVF, transfer #1 BFP!
    EDD 11/28/13
  • I think it's a very personal decision.

    First, I will echo what other people have said to think about who you would want to know if it takes a while to conceive.  It's easy to get wrapped up in the early excitement and want to tell everyone, but when you're on cycle 5 or cycle 10 and not pregnant having a lot of people know can begin to feel like pressure or leave you feeling exposed.

    We decided to tell a few of our very close friends when we started.  They are our support people and we want them to know what we are going through.

    We also decided to tell our families once we had made all the major decisions about how we'd start our family.  We knew DW's family would take some time to process the information, and even though telling them and getting their reactions was painful, we're glad we got it out of the way before there was an actual baby in anyone's uterus.  We also told my mom and my sister, because I knew they were wondering and figured it was better to tell them than be cagey.  My mom is over the moon, and they've both been sensitive to the fact that it's taking some time for us.

    Finally, we've talked about it if it's come up and we felt comfortable.  A friend of C's conceived after taking Clomid, and C had lots of questions and it made sense to tell her.  And last Christmas when we were still getting ready to TTC, my aunt noticed how both of us were gaga over my cousin's baby and asked us what our plans were.  Basically, we've sort of felt out where we are comfortable, and shared accordingly.

    Same sex couple TTC with donor sperm.  I am 35 and carrying.  Endometriosis and DOR.
    AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish

    IVF #1 - antagonist.  Empty follicle syndrome.  1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
    IVF #2 - antagonist.  Ovulated early.  3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
  • We told a few close friends when we were starting.  We wanted their support, and I am glad we have had it along the way.  They were very sensitive about the whole process and how long it took us, and I do not regret telling them for a second.

    I also told my boss and my immediate co-worker, because I was concerned about getting time off for treatment without an explanation.  They've also been incredibly supportive.

    With family, we waited until we were moving on to IVF.  Somehow at that point it seemed more important that they knew what was going on.

    Like hlke, we also ended up telling a few people when it came up and we were comfortable.

    Married my wife 8/2007 ~ TTC #1 since 7/2011
    9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
    IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
    ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
    FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
    Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
    FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
    EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
    *Everyone welcome*

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  • We only told my mom and grandma, that we were planning on trying but never said when we would start. When we got our BFP Nita wanted to tell family and we did. This time around with me i didnt say anything till around 7wks to my mom and sister. Then a few weeks later we stared to tell all the family. Friends didnt know till around 15 weeks. 
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