Attachment Parenting

Anyone know someone who complains about their wild children?

I have a friend who constantly complains in person and on Facebook about her wild children.  She has no idea how many people who would love to have children and cannot.  My husband and I pursued adoption and we were required to go through state parenting classes in person and online.  It was intensive and we can easily identify why children act the way they do - it comes down to how the parent(s) or guardian(s) in their lives raise them.  If only our friend could see it is her that is the issue, not her children.

 Anyone know someone who complains about their wild children?

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Re: Anyone know someone who complains about their wild children?

  • These children are ages 5 and 2.5.  The wildest one is her 5 year old.
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  • imageMichelle3081:

    I have a friend who constantly complains in person and on Facebook about her wild children.  She has no idea how many people who would love to have children and cannot.  My husband and I pursued adoption and we were required to go through state parenting classes in person and online.  It was intensive and we can easily identify why children act the way they do - it comes down to how the parent(s) or guardian(s) in their lives raise them.  If only our friend could see it is her that is the issue, not her children.

     Anyone know someone who complains about their wild children?

    If only you could see how judgmental you sound. Taking a course is not the same as actually raising kids.

    People are allowed to complain, people have bad days.

    I am not sure if you are serious here but if it bothers you to hear her complain stop listening. Ignore her on facebook and spend less time with her.

    EDIT I want to say I didn't want this to sound harsh and reading it over it sounded a bit harsh.  Maybe you should keep more distance from this woman.

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  • You are not being harsh.  Any feedback is welcome.  Keeping distance from her is exactly what I've done.  I have kids of my own and know darn well the actual situation is different. But the reality is kids cannot raise themselves. Their closest role models are their parents.
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  • I know a couple of different people who complain about their kids. In both situations I can see how some of their parenting choices are making their situation more difficult.

    BUT in both cases I can also see that their children are spirited and hard work.

    In both cases I also see parents who are just whiners. If it wasn't their kids, then they would be whining and complaining about something else. That's what some people are like. Their life is always SOOO much harder than everyone elses.

    In both cases, I'm sure they absolutely love their kids.

    Like pp said we all have bad days and need to vent. no child is "perfect" and all children have challenging days.

    Maybe block her on your facebook if it's really tiresome. 

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    Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
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  • imageMichelle3081:

    I have a friend who constantly complains in person and on Facebook about her wild children.  She has no idea how many people who would love to have children and cannot.  My husband and I pursued adoption and we were required to go through state parenting classes in person and online.  It was intensive and we can easily identify why children act the way they do - it comes down to how the parent(s) or guardian(s) in their lives raise them.  If only our friend could see it is her that is the issue, not her children.

     Anyone know someone who complains about their wild children?

    Nope. I know multiple kids (including one of mine) who are just more intense or active than other kids. Not to mention kids with special needs, like fredalina said.

    There are days that I am just worn out by parenting, but it doesn't mean I love my kids any less. 

    DS1 - Feb 2008

    DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)

  • Complaining once in a while is healthy to get it out. When it is a daily thing, it is more than just the child, the parent needs to looks at how they are parenting.

    I no longer have interest in her complaints.

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  • Something else to consider is how valid her complaints are.

    Maybe there's nothing wrong with the child and nothing wrong with the parenting but her expectations are out.

    I have a family member who to hear her talk would make you think her kids were the devil, but spend time with them and they are pleasant little boys who are no better or worse than other kids their age. 

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    Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
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  • Well, I don't think you sounded judgemental, but probably because I am reading it through the lense of seeing one of my in-laws make the absolute worst parenting choices I have ever witnessed.  Her boys have been labelled "bad" from day one, it seems like, and it makes me so, so sad.  It is textbook that they are "bad" because even negative attention is better than no attention, and that is what they would get, otherwise. 

     In that case I do judge, because it's those poor kids who are truly going to suffer in the long run. 

     It is certainly a good lesson for how not to parent.

  • LOL. You're a peach, aren't you?

    No one can "easily identify" why anyone does something. Genetics plays a huge role in behavior. Yes, nurture and parenting play a role, but it's not everything. 

    You don't sound like a great friend.

    "Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies. God damn it, you've got to be kind." - Kurt Vonnegut
  • imagefredalina:
    imageblush64:
    imageMichelle3081:

    I have a friend who constantly complains in person and on Facebook about her wild children.  She has no idea how many people who would love to have children and cannot.  My husband and I pursued adoption and we were required to go through state parenting classes in person and online.  It was intensive and we can easily identify why children act the way they do - it comes down to how the parent(s) or guardian(s) in their lives raise them.  If only our friend could see it is her that is the issue, not her children.

     Anyone know someone who complains about their wild children?

    If only you could see how judgmental you sound. Taking a course is not the same as actually raising kids.

    People are allowed to complain, people have bad days.

    I am not sure if you are serious here but if it bothers you to hear her complain stop listening. Ignore her on facebook and spend less time with her.

    EDIT I want to say I didn't want this to sound harsh and reading it over it sounded a bit harsh.  Maybe you should keep more distance from this woman.

    I totally agree. I adopted a foster child after IF so I do get annoyed when people seem not to even LIKE their kids from their comments, but the bolded is so judgy. Some kids have ADHD, ASD, SPD, etc, or just challenging temperaments. Others have bad days and good days.

    I usually just lurk here, but I am also adopting after IF and I think the PPs had some valid points about behavior. We have a bio son that we were blessed with after years of struggling with IF. He is AMAZING. He also has SPD, and saying that he is high needs doesn't always cover it. I know why he acts the way that he does, and what triggers his outbursts, but that doesn't always mean that I can stop him from becoming overstimulated at the grocery store, when a fire truck passes, at mommy and me, or any other every day activities. I do my best to remain very patient, and after years of practice can usually maintain my composure in the face of public over-excitability, but its hard. I was literally sweating in church the other day trying to get him to relax after the microphone squeaked, and I had to resort to holding him on my lap, and draping my sweater over his head like he does with his blanket at home. I am sure people were judging me, and thinking I had lost my mind.

    Parenting is difficult, period. I try not to complain about parenting, because I really truly love it, and I know how blessed I am to be a mom, esp a SAHM, but its not always easy, and every child is different. I may have contributed to his SPD genetically, but it def isn't because I don't love him enough, that we aren't attached, or that we don't practice AP...which we have from day 1 pretty much out of necessity. 

    I say this after a whole week of being just me and my sweet boy 24/7 while my husband is away on business. Its not his regular routine since DH is away, and its been a really rough week for him (and me as a result). I'm not going to pretend that I didn't get frustrated and drop the ball once or twice this week, because I am only human and after 3.5 years of not STTN, and 1.5 years of potty training, I think I'm allowed to have a less than stellar day every so often ;-)

    I agree that its very annoying to be surrounded with people who seem to not know the depths of what they have been blessed with, but I can also see that parenting can be a really all consuming task, and being overwhelmed is sometimes par for the course. As parents, it probably behoves us to not give other moms and dads a hard time, esp if they appear to be struggling and grasping at straws. Maybe complaining is her way of saying that she just doesn't know what to do. Maybe she is saying these things looking for advice, to vent, or in an attempt to reach out for help? Maybe share with her a little of what you learned in class, or a little AP info, in a friendly way. I know personally, I am always open to suggestions, wether I think it is something that will work for us or not. And good luck in your adoption journey!! :-)


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  • I have a wild child and I'm a freaking fantastic parent, thank you. I also complain from time to time. Your parenting classes sound like they were maybe a waste of time.

     

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  • I agree with the PP.  Just because you can identify why a child is behaving "wildly," doesn't mean that you will necessarily be able to deal with the behavior constructively.  I have been working in the field of early childhood education for twelve years so I know a thing or two about child development and their behavior, and while it's come in handy, it's a whole new ball game when you are the parent.

    I am very lucky that my first child is easy-going and (in general) naturally well-behaved, but she still has days where I'm using every last parenting trick in the book to get her from point A to point B (or to just not self-destruct at point A).  My second child seems to be a little more high-strung, so I'm sure I'm in for an even bigger challenge as he gets older.

    I wish you all the best with your journey to parenthood.

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    TTC since 11/05...ectopic pg 4/08...early m/c 6/09...BFP 10/5/09!
    Nora B...June 15, 2010...8lbs, 8oz...Med-free birth!
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    Malcolm...September 21, 2012...8lbs, 6oz...Another med-free birth!
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  • I have a friend who sort of does this. 

    She runs a very loose ship with her kids, and then she's frustrated by her kids' behavior.  I've listened to her talking about how she doesn't really "do" naps on the weekend because "it works for them" then change gears to express her dismay at her 18 month old toddler having a meltdown and subsequently falling asleep face down in a plate of spaghetti-os.

    I just figured that maybe falling asleep in spaghetti-os really works for them.

    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
  • imageEllaHella:

    Other than myself?

    I am only half kidding.  Toddlers are wild.  That's what they do.

    Lol this is me too. Evie is really a fantastic child. I wouldnt consider her wild or difficult all around but she has her moments. Especially when shes around her friends or her cousins. They just get excited :)

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  • It sounds like your FRIEND 'may be crying out for help. What's stopping you from throwing her a life line and asking if you can take the child out for the afternoon? Parenthood can be stressful. Especially when breaks are needed
  • imageMichelle3081:

    I have a friend who constantly complains in person and on Facebook about her wild children.  She has no idea how many people who would love to have children and cannot.  My husband and I pursued adoption and we were required to go through state parenting classes in person and online.  It was intensive and we can easily identify why children act the way they do - it comes down to how the parent(s) or guardian(s) in their lives raise them.  If only our friend could see it is her that is the issue, not her children.

     Anyone know someone who complains about their wild children?

    Yeesh.

     

    promised myself I'd retire when I turned gold, and yet here I am
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