How do I make my kid sweet?

katecham

Jimmy Kimmel did the "tell your kids you ate all their haloween candy" thing again. Most of the kids were brats about it but a few near the end were SO SWEET. What do I need to do as a parent to raise a kid as sweet as they are? My stepdaughter is a great kid but has no concept of helping others, compassion for the less fortunate, etc. I don't think there has ever been anything she wanted that her parents did not get her. She's not ungrateful and selfish, she just doesn't know how blessed she is. She's never been in the position. My parents were awful and made us all have self esteem issues and feelings of being unworthy of anything. We were very poor also and got maybe 12 items other than socks and undies for Christmas, never during the year. Is there a magic formula to balance love and happiness and get a sweet, compassionate kid???

I can't do clickers an my phone only goes to the YouTube app so I hope this link works:

https://m.gawker.com/5957699/jimmykimmelaskedparentstoeatalltheirkidshalloweencandyagain

blu-eyedwife

I watched that video too and wanted one of those end kids!

I don't know how you go about it, but I think it would have a lot to do with teaching empathy and sharing.  Because each of those kids seemed to be okay with sharing their candy, like it wasn't the end of the world to give to others.

I think some women on this board have discussed donating old toys with their children, and that seems like a good start.  Saying that we can share what we have with others, because there will always be more on the way seems to be a nice lesson.

Elsa1984

I love the kids at the end!

I don't have any tips for making a compassionate kid because I obviously only have a one year old that doesn't understand. I do know that my parents never really did anything with us when it came to helping others. Everything I do now is because I am an adult and know how lucky I have it, and I get enjoyment out of helping others. As Gator continues to get older, I would like to be more diligent about teaching her to spread some joy to others. With my former nanny kids we bought toys for toy drives, did walks for cancer, etc. If someone got their feelings hurt we would ask them how they would feel and try and be descrptive as possible so they got a feeling of how sad they would feel inside. Im guessing we were doing a pretty good job...because at an easter egg hunt the oldest, who was 6 at the time, noticed a younger girl, who was a stranger, crying because she didnt get a single egg. She got a sad look on her face, looked down at her basket, told her mom she would be right back, and gave the little crying girl all of her eggs. Since I no longer see the four of them, on their birthday, Gator gets a cupcake and we make a small donation somewhere. Like yesterday was one of their birthdays, Gator got a cupcake and we made a small donation to Meals on Wheels.

I don't want Gator to get everything she wants and I wish family members would listen to me when I say she doesn't need anything. Instead they buy her tons if trinkets and toys she doesn't need. Right now I can donate them without her noticing but as she gets older she may say something. So we are going to try and find a way to let her pick a charity and have her birthday theme be something about the charity and have people that want to get something, get something that will be donated.

Gator has it way too easy, and I don't want her becoming a selfish brat.

cantalopes24

What worked with E is we explain things to him in terms of other people and how his actions will affect them and their feelings. He can't drive his cars on my moms coffee table because its so pretty and she would be sad if he scratched it. We share because someone loves the kind of snack we have and one day when they have something we want they will share with us, isn't that so nice? We make sure to tell him what he does that makes us or someone else happy and we talk about how lucky we are when good things happen. We also talk about donating and volunteering and acts of service and why it's important. He is a little more sensitive than his friends but he is also so super sweet. On Halloween we were at my ILs and my parents were there and before he ate any candy he went around the room to make sure everyone got a piece of their favorite.

cantalopes24

Elsa1984:

I don't want Gator to get everything she wants and I wish family members would listen to me when I say she doesn't need anything. Instead they buy her tons if trinkets and toys she doesn't need. Right now I can donate them without her noticing but as she gets older she may say something. So we are going to try and find a way to let her pick a charity and have her birthday theme be something about the charity and have people that want to get something, get something that will be donated. Gator has it way too easy, and I don't want her becoming a selfish brat.

Right now what we do is that everything that comes in means something goes out. A little bit before a birthday or Christmas we go through all his toys and he has to throw away anything broken or messed up and we pick out a few items to donate. I personally don't think it's right to make a young child give up a brand new something special and can cause resentment and other issues.There are always like new or gently used items or even giving of their time. At season change when we go to see what fits we pick out a few special things to keep and then the rest go in a bag to donate.

His school does this thing called bag a breakfast which he loves. They make sack lunches with things like oatmeal packs, hot chocolate packs, a juice box, apple sauce or pudding, raisins, individual cereal boxes, that kind of thing. They put in a cup and napkin and plastic silverware and draw pictures on the bags. The older kids can write notes on the napkins. They are donated to an organization that helps people get jobs and they take the bags to work so they have something to eat. We've talked about different situations as to why someone can't afford to eat or would need help and what it means to them to be able to have a hot meal and how fortunate we are that we have people to make sure that doesn't happen to us.

 

mamaZbo

I think part of it may be just inherent in the personality of the kid. My brother and I were raised by the same parents in the same environment and we are totally different people. I would like to think of myself as an empathetic and compassionate person, although I think I would have flipped my sh*t if my parents told me they ate all my candy, but my brother has always been a little selfish and devious.

I think helping out with food drives, donating things, and discussing things like poverty and sharing will only help mold a child in to a caring adult, but I don't think there are any guarantees.

tmadden

I was in Brownies and later Camp Fire girls, and I think the activities I did as a member of those organizations helped mold me into being a person who believes in serving others.