Thanksgiving

cbcarden

There are a few people that will be at my grandma's on Thanksgiving that I just can't stand like my uncle's GF and her adult kids. I just don't want them holding Ethan because I don't like them for many reasons. Anyways we are going up there at 3, and I'm seriously contemplating moving nap time back so he'll be tired and cranky and only want me. Anyone have any better solutions?

sooner1981

I think you are inviting trouble by knowingly bringing a cranky, miserable kid to a festive holiday event.  Why do that to yourself and your grandma and other family members, who probably don't get that many opportunities to see their sweet little Ethan?

Instead, why not bring him well rested and fed, and then just play "facilitator" and ensure that your grandma, uncle, and other "liked" family members get to hold Ethan most of the time, and that the GF only gets a quick hold before you need to "change his diaper" or something like that?  Then, she has had a turn, but is not monopolizing the day.

I try not to wade into family gatherings looking for conflict--why make the holiday gathering so hard on yourself and on your family members (like Grandma?) that desperately want their various relations to get along just for a few days a year?  Instead, just plan to go with the happiest baby possible and try to focus your attentions on the people you genuinely enjoy catching up with. Then, you can go home at the end of the day feeling happy, instead of exhausted from wrangling a miserable baby (that you intentionally made to be miserable by screwing up his schedule).  If you go the delayed nap/bring a cranky baby route you might find that you "won a battle" that nobody knew you were fighting except for yourself. 

Even if you don't want to keep the peace--think of it this way.  If you bring a tired cranky baby to the gathering, you can bet that all the people you already don't like are going to be quietly snarking about your total lack of parenting skills.  Why give them that extra ammunition? 

 

ALane1128

sooner1981:

I think you are inviting trouble by knowingly bringing a cranky, miserable kid to a festive holiday event.  Why do that to yourself and your grandma and other family members, who probably don't get that many opportunities to see their sweet little Ethan?

Instead, why not bring him well rested and fed, and then just play "facilitator" and ensure that your grandma, uncle, and other "liked" family members get to hold Ethan most of the time, and that the GF only gets a quick hold before you need to "change his diaper" or something like that?  Then, she has had a turn, but is not monopolizing the day.

I try not to wade into family gatherings looking for conflict--why make the holiday gathering so hard on yourself and on your family members (like Grandma?) that desperately want their various relations to get along just for a few days a year?  Instead, just plan to go with the happiest baby possible and try to focus your attentions on the people you genuinely enjoy catching up with. Then, you can go home at the end of the day feeling happy, instead of exhausted from wrangling a miserable baby (that you intentionally made to be miserable by screwing up his schedule).  If you go the delayed nap/bring a cranky baby route you might find that you "won a battle" that nobody knew you were fighting except for yourself. 

Even if you don't want to keep the peace--think of it this way.  If you bring a tired cranky baby to the gathering, you can bet that all the people you already don't like are going to be quietly snarking about your total lack of parenting skills.  Why give them that extra ammunition? 

 

I completely agree with this!  

lancyjo

I'm with Sooner.

You know how BSC my inlaws are, and I want them nowhere near Aria... but there are lots of aunts and cousins and a grandma that will be at their Thanksgiving dinner that I really like that will want to see a happy, smiley baby.

So, I'll suck it up, share my happy baby (if she'll let me... she's clingy in crowds) and remind myself that 5 minutes in the arms of someone I'm not fond of won't hurt Aria, and it'll make hubs happy.

We are going in with an "escape plan" though. IL's dinner is at noon, and my family's is at 4. We plan on taking Aria home around 2 for her nap. (we live 10 blocks away from ILs, 3 blocks from my aunt's house) If something goes south with IL's before 2, we'll still use the "Aria needs a nap" excuse and bolt.

sooner1981

I like the "gameplan," Lancy! 

cbcarden

Yeah that's the reason I didn't want to push back his nap time, but honestly everyone else that will be up there are my neighbors. My uncle, my grandparents, my parents and siblings all live within walking distance. My biggest thing is her just coming up and being like grabbing him out of my arms, but I guess I could always come up with an excuse to take him back. She's loud, obnoxious and doesn't care what comes out of her mouth. I'm pretty sure everyone knows how I feel though, but she doesn't care.

Jen0204

I agree with everyone else and would "share" your LO with everyone, but if she tries to monopolize him or take him from you when he's cranky or something just be firm and direct.  If she tries to take him at a bad time I would turn away and say "he's cranky right now and needs some time with me.  I'll come find you in a little bit when he's calmer and you can hold him".

lancyjo

sooner1981:

I like the "gameplan," Lancy! 

Thanks! With in-laws like mine, preparation is key.