out of state adoption- questions

JodyA118

HI All!

 If any of you had a successful out of state adoption:

1. How long did you stay in that state?

2. What was the process that took place before you brought the baby home?

3. Did you fly or drive? What are advantages/disadvantages of each?

Thanks so much. looking forward to hear your input. 

IRR

We are planning our out of state adoption now.  Hopefully if all goes well, as we will be leaving in two-three weeks.  We debated driving vs. flying however since we will be 17 hours by car and 2.5 hours of flying we decided flying would be best.  We need to spend about 2 weeks in the state we are adopting from and unfortunately for us there are no VRBO's and very few places to stay that even have an efficiency kitchen, so we are hoping the place we picked (Candlewood Inn and Suites) works out.

The process as we understand is that the agency will be providing us with custody of the child when it get released from the hospital.  We then wait for the BP's to sign the TPR.  Once that is done, we need to apply to the court for a date and have the ICPC processed and then the judge will then grant us permission to leave the state. Hope this helps and obviously over the next few weeks I will be able to provide better information once we live through it.  GL.

potatohead

1.  We stayed in the other state for 12 days, 11 days after baby was born.  

2. We had to wait for the ICPC to go through after TPR was signed.  They said it usually takes 7-10 days after TPR.  With us it took 4 days!!!  I'm glad they did it quick, otherwise we would have been waiting through a holiday weekend.

3. We drove.  It was a 7 1/2 hour drive.  I liked this option for our particular trip over flying because we didn't have to worry about lugging anything on a plane or the baby catching anything from passengers on the plane.  We didn't have to worry about layovers, having this, not having that...everything was at our fingertips in the car.  We got to pack as much as we wanted. 

kgs0505

We had a last minute placement pretty much on the other side of the country and we needed to be there the next morning, so we flew. 

We stayed in-state for 10 days.  We had to wait for ICPC to go thru for both the sending and receiving states.  Our situation was a little weird.  There were other adoptive parents that backed out last minute.  Because of this complication, we couldn't get the laywer to come in time to get the temp custody paperwork signed in time, and the hospital was (rightly so) a little leary about the whole thing, although they were really great to us. So when the baby was discharged, they discharged him to the birth mom, who then gave him to us.  The temp custody paperwork was signed the following day.

Flying wasn't a big deal really.  I used the Ergo with the heart to heart newborn insert, and he was totally comfy and cozy in there.  I was hot, but he was fine.  I later discovered that if you put a flannel receiving blanket between you and baby, it helps a lot with temp control.  He pretty much slept the whole time and we used the 2 oz pre-filled  formula bottles we got fromt he hospital for the plane ride.  Super convienent.    As for what to bring, we didn't bother with the stroller, since we had the Ergo.  We did bring the carseat, and if you explain the situation, most airlines are accomodating and will let you check it for free even without the baby in tow.  Other than that, we had a few bottles, a bottle brush, and some clothing and blankets. 

For a hotel, I highly suggest staying at one with "suites" in the name.  They tend to have a microwave and fridge present and laundry facilities (check the websites or call).  I did 5 loads of laundry while we were there and it was a godsend to have that available.  We just bought dish soap, laundry detergent, diapers, wipes, etc while we were there.  Have a roll of quarters ready to take with you.  I had a little trouble getting some, although Target was nice and took pity on me, the grocery store didn't.

JodyA118

Thanks! this is so helpful. We would have a 13 hour drive OR a 2 hour flight with no stops. I am nervous about taking a little one on the plane but thinking that the drive may be more dangerous as we will probably ahve to stop every hour or so anyway.

 Did you care for the baby while in the hospital? do they give you supplies while you are there? any parenting type classes offered???

silliestbunny

Hi!

We had an out of state for DD2 and we were there for 15 days.  We drove because it was six hours away.

 Keep in mind that a newborn will sleep well in your car   On the flip side, will you be there for the birth.... if so for planning, driving might not be an option to get there on time.

From my experience, it seems like 95% of all hospitals (comparing other adoption stories) are generous wiht supplies... That said, don't count on it.  The upside is they'll provide what you need while in the hospital and you can order from Amazon or Diapers dot come and have it delivered to your hotel so you don't have to pack things.

RE: parenting classes... nurses are helpful but I doubt you'll have any parenting classes at the hospital.  Consider taking one locally now

My last comment--- consider renting a home from VRBO or Air B n B instead of a hotel.  Having laundry and a kitchen plus extra room is SO nice while waiting for ICPC.  And often times it isn't any more expensive than a hotel.    And keep in mind that you don't necessarily have to wait out ICPC in the city in which your child was born.  If you are driving across statelines, you can drive to the state line and wait there so you are closer to home

jacksjerseygirl

1. How long did you stay in that state

first adoption was NY to NJ and it took 8 days for icpc.

Second adoption was FL to IA and typically takes 1 to 3 days for icpc since both states submit and approve electronically. However, in our case bio dad listed refused to relinquish rights on account he said he wasn't father and stupid attorney refused to start icpc until 30 days were up to have court relinquish his rights.

2. What was the process that took place before you brought the baby home?

With DS we got the call and 24 hours later we met bio mom in hospital lobby for about an hour and then she brought DS down from nursery. She helped us to the car. No SW or caseworker as intermediary. Hospital knew nothing of the adoption per bio mom's wishes. We went to the hotel with him in pure shock. The next day we met with the lawyer. Then we webt to a bank to have what seemed like a 100 documents notarized plus we did a wire transfer as money is given after match with our agency. And about 2 weeks later we received the clear to go across state lines.

With DD we received the call as bio mom went into labor. We were kept updated but told not to travel as bio mom hadn't definitely picked us. We received 100s of medical documents to review. We were told to travel 1 week after she was born. She went to cradle care after hospital. Then due lawyer she remained in cradle care 9p to 9a every day until bio father could be placed on putative father registry. 30 days. Every morning I picked her up and spent the day bonding and them dropped her off for bed.


3. Did you fly or drive? What are advantages/disadvantages of each?

We drove for DS since it was only 6 hrs. We flew down to FL for DD but will drive back. After over a month we have accumulated a lot of stuff and my back is acting up so laying is better than sitting.

The pros are that you can take more stuff with driving. The cons are that your travel is stopped every 1 to 3 hours for feeding and changing which can take an hour each time.

Babies sleep and eat. Flying is so easy with them.