Finally, a plan.

jeannkerricotober09

N has some pretty hard core sleep issues.  He gets up frequently, a minimum of 4 wakes but it more like 6 and can hit upwards of 10 in a night, but we've discovered it is probably my milk that wakes him up and have kind of come up with a solution.  The bigger problem is that it takes minimum of 6 hours a day/night to get him to sleep, but usually it is closer to 8.  It's a full time job, just to get him to sleep and I'm not talking from bath to sleep.  If you took bath,books, etc into account we'd be another 30-90 min per sleep.  A normal night or nap goes something like this:

nurse
bounce
rock
hand to K (at night, for naps, it's all me obviously)
bounce
rock
bounce
back to me
nurse
bounce
(2+ hours later)
asleep
2 hours later awake
if I don't nurse him immediately
rock
cry
bounce
repeat for 2 hours
asleep

If it's a nap than he's usually sleeps only 45 min, occasionally 90.  It typically takes over 2 times the length of his nap to get him to sleep.

He's been like this since birth.  He's never fallen asleep in his swing or playing on his playmat or stuffed to the brim in his high chair or drifted off in my arms while I watch tv or sit in a chair.  Every nap and sleep for the last 14 months has required hours of physical labor.

We've tried *everything* no cry, CIO, cosleeping, Montessori floor bed, PU/PD, nursing, bottles of BM, bottles of formula, changing/dropping sleep associations, moving his bed time back or ahead, sleep machines, blankies/lovies, black out curtains, pacifiers, you name it.  Nothing works.  

An hour ago we were referred to Boston Children's Hospital Sleep Center.  I am scared and nervous and hopeful and a small piece of me feels like a failure.

Has anyone been to a sleep center?

kujayhawkgirl

Sorry it has been so hard. That just sound exhausting! We have had out initial appointment with the sleep clinic here in our city, and Abby has her sleep study the first Sunday of January. Abby doesn't wake up crying, but she whimpers and puts herself back to sleep. She is very restless, always moving around and snores really loud, constantly. With Abby they are worried about obstructive sleep apnea since her airway is so small. I can send you a link to the sleep study pamphlet that thy gave us kind of run you though what they do during a sleep study.

PurpleDrewbie5

Oh you're not a failure! Don't think like that. To me it sounds like you are an awesome mom. You have devoted so much time, labor, love to your little one and you should be able to take pride in that.

N has never been a good sleeper and occasionally we'll have nights like yours but it's not often and definitely not every night. Even so, I can sympathize and I honestly feel for you. I don't know how you do it.

IMO I think going to the Children's sleep center could potentially be a really good thing. If there is an issue, which it sounds like there may be, they can find it, address it, and (hopefully) solve it. You're a good mom doing the right thing for your baby! I'll be thinking of/praying for you guys to find a solution that works.

jeannkerricotober09

Thanks mamas.  My pedi said she has never seen anything like it, the fact it has been so persistent from birth.  She also said the youngest she's ever referred for sleep disturbances, beyond apnea is 2.  Our appointment is the 20th of December.  Half of me can't wait and the other half feels like I'm making a whole lot out of nothing and sucking it up.

btsrc5

Oh my goodness, I do not know how you have been doing this for so long.  I think you are amazing.  I hope that the sleep center is able to help you guys.  Good luck! 

(and definitely do not feel like you are a failure!)

colliebabe

You are definitely not a failure!  You are putting so much effort into this and it is definitely not, in any way, your fault.

I don't have any experience with sleep centers, but I'm sure BCH will have the best of the best to help you.  The fact that they have a Sleep Center for children means you are not alone and it is not anything you did.   I hope you get the help you need at BCH! Keep us updated.

PurpleDrewbie5

jeannkerricotober09:

Thanks mamas.  My pedi said she has never seen anything like it, the fact it has been so persistent from birth.  She also said the youngest she's ever referred for sleep disturbances, beyond apnea is 2.  Our appointment is the 20th of December.  Half of me can't wait and the other half feels like I'm making a whole lot out of nothing and sucking it up.

If this has been going on since birth it is not a whole lot of nothing. You have been sucking it up for A LONG time. You are doing the right thing.

aliciaroset

I'm so sorry. We have sleep issues, too, but not this badly.  I just want you to know you're not alone and IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

I hope things get better soon and until they do please take care of yourself. You're a trooper. 

[Deleted User]

jeannkerricotober09:

Half of me can't wait and the other half feels like I'm making a whole lot out of nothing and sucking it up.

Dude, this is absolutely not "nothing."  What you've been dealing with isn't normal and you're completely doing the right thing by going to specialists.

I really hope they can help and everyone can get a decent night's sleep. =(  

aliciaroset

Also I don't know if you've tried this, but at a certain point we just set a time limit and stopped trying to put her down, no matter what time it was.  If it was "bedtime" and we couldn't get her down in 20-30 inutes, we let her get up and play until she was even more tired and then she'd give in within the window.

have you guys tried anything like that?

You have worked so hard and nothing you've done is a failure. I'm so glad your pedi is supportive. 

jonnygurl76

overture:

jeannkerricotober09:

Half of me can't wait and the other half feels like I'm making a whole lot out of nothing and sucking it up.

Dude, this is absolutely not "nothing."  What you've been dealing with isn't normal and you're completely doing the right thing by going to specialists.

I really hope they can help and everyone can get a decent night's sleep. =(  

Exactly all of this!

amyc216

btsrc5:

Oh my goodness, I do not know how you have been doing this for so long.  I think you are amazing.  I hope that the sleep center is able to help you guys.  Good luck! 

(and definitely do not feel like you are a failure!)

This.  I can't imagine how hard that must be!

jeannkerricotober09

Thanks for all the support.  Yes, we've tried letting him stay up if he doesn't go to sleep, it just doesn't change anything when he's finally ready.   I've 'complained' to his pedi his whole life but really kicked it into gear since he was about 9 months old.  I hadn't read anything on here that was even close so I figured it wasn't nothing, but they were reluctant to give it any attention until he turned one. So, of course, now there's a part of me that feels like they are just pacifying me by finally offering help. I have gone to them in tears for 6+ months, incapable of doing anything for the last year but put him to sleep.  I dread bedtime/naptime and try my hardest hard not to sigh or show him, because I don't want to make it worse.  Honestly, it's kind of like hell on earth.  It's affecting my relationship with friends and family, both with kids and without, everyone thinks we are giving in to him and 'spoiling' him, wen in reality, we've done CIO 3 times and I often resort to just putting him in his room to cry for a few min just to breathe.  So, I've stopped complaining to them about it and I am beyond my limit.  I want to pull my hair out and jump out the window.  Or just run away for nap time   I've actually thought about putting him in daycare just so I don't have to put him to nap.  Isn't that awful?? Thanks for listening and being so supportive, I can't tell you how much it means for you to tell me it sucks

mamaZbo

I don't know how you have made it this long. I am sorry you are having such a tough time. Don't feel like a failure. Hopefully the sleep center can give you some answers and both of you can start to get a good nights sleep.

CMonkey515

You are not a failure, and you definitely don't need to suck it up. This situation is not normal. I've been there, and I know how much of an impact it makes on the well being of everyone in the household. We tried EVERY trick in the book, and it didn't work. Then we tried this same methods again, and again.... and again. Its a terrible feeling to know you're doing everything you can and getting nowhere. Finally CIO combined with night weaning worked after months and months of hell. You are 100% doing the right thing. I really hope the sleep center has some answers for you. Im sure they have seen this sort of thing many times before. Good luck!

wilsontl19191

mamaZbo:

I don't know how you have made it this long. I am sorry you are having such a tough time. Don't feel like a failure. Hopefully the sleep center can give you some answers and both of you can start to get a good nights sleep.

This!!!

Scramblersmom

Geez, I am so sorry that you are all having trouble with this still I can not even imagine how horrible it is. You should not feel like a failure at all as you have tried everything you can. I hope the sleep center will be able to remedy your situation. I will keep you all in my T&Ps and I hope you will keep us updated.

UFCasey

Oh goodness, I am exhausted just reading all that you do to try to get him to sleep. I hate that you are going through this because I am sure lots of people IRL are probably implying to you that all you need to do to get him to sleep is do XYZ. And sometimes, it's not that simple. I think taking this next step is a good idea - it will rule out any underlying issues and perhaps they will have some professional advice to help get him on track with sleeping. Do not feel bad about this, it's just a precautionary measure, and it won't hurt him by doing it - it can only potentially help. Good luck and keep up updated!