NICU visits... what to do?!?

mightbejessica

i just wrote my first post on this board...  i delivered 12 weeks early at 28 weeks.

my daughter will be in the NICU for the next 12 weeks (estimated through her actual full term due date).  

What do i do when i visit?  I can't hold her yet...    

how much time should i spend visiting each day?   i don't want to abandon her, but I also want to give the NICU team enough space to do their amazing jobs.  what's expected of NICU parents?  

does anyone have advice?  this is ALL new to me!   

yinyang124

Congrats on your daughter! Before I could hold my boys, I would make sure to be in the NICU during the doctors' rounds so that I could hear updateson their progress (I still do this). I also would be there to pump before their feeds so that they were getting my fresh milk. You should ask the nurses about kangaroo care/skin-to-skin. There's definitely no best or required amount of time that you should be there. Whatever amount of time you can be there is good. Days that I can't go, I call the nurses for updates.

Best wishes for your little girl! 

RobinR91

Congratulations on your new LO! PP said it best, but I would also ask the drs during rounds if there is any way you can help, things to look for when observing, etc. pumping bedside made me feel a lot better when my girls were in the NICU. kangaroo care is the best! good luck to you!

MeggM1

 Congrats on the birth of your daughter! 

Chat up the nurses to make sure you are there when these things happen:

* Diaper changes - my husband and I did as many of these as possible, it made us feel like normal, involved parents

* Our nurses let us take temps, weigh, do sponge baths, stuff like that if we were there  

* Be there to photograph "firsts" - if she's only on IV nutrition now, you'll want to be there for her first tube feed of milk, for example. Or when a milestone like going off of something comes around. I tried to celebrate things like when all of my sons IVs came out or he moved to an open air crib

* Keep a small blanket on you throughout the day and then  put it in her isolette at night - it made me feel like I was tucking my children in and it's soothing for them to have your scent nearby

 * Read to her! Bring books or pictures and tell her about her family. Our NICU had a little library of books to read at their bedside

* if you are pumping, it's good for your supply to pump next to her. It releases those good hormones

* as someone else suggested, kangaroo/skin to skin is awesome. It was probably the best thing for my sons temperature regulation issues

You will fall into a groove of when to go, probably based on the schedule she is on when you can start giving her a bottle. Don't forget for the next few weeks you are recovering yourself from surgery! Congratulations again and best wishes for an uneventful NICU stay!

rcohron

If you are planning on BF make friends with the LC early!  Some of the residents told me the my son's first oral feed would have to be a bottle.  It took getting the NICU LC involved to help push for what I wanted.  It's so overwhelming and hard to know when to push back!

rcohron

Oh, and don't be afraid to let your world stop!  We had a lot going on when DS was in the NICU.  My husband and his father were shutting down their failed family business and we obviously didn't have our house ready for baby yet.  We spent a lot of time shopping, painting, and getting things ready that I should have spent in the NICU with my son.  We fell into a routine where a 3 hour visit was average for us.  I beat myself up all the time that I didn't spend more time with him.  Let other people do stuff for you.  And the only thing you need at home is a safe place for baby to sleep.  Everything else can wait.  Spend time with your baby, and skin to skin is the best part!

missgooseyface

There is no right or wrong answer to this.  You have to do what works for you and your mental sanity.  For me, I needed to be there all day..but many have said they would  have gone crazy doing that.  It is all about finding your own comfort level.  Don't worry about being in the way or anything like that.  Our NICU nurses encouraged us to be there as much as we were able/comfortable.  Definitely ask what time the Dr's do their rounds in the morning...I liked to be there to hear her progress, the plan for the day and to ask any questions I had.  Write down your questions as you think of them so you don't forget when the Drs are there (but the nurses were always able to get a Dr for me if I had a question).  Don't be afraid to ask...even if you think it might be a stupid question, this is YOUR child and you have a right to know EVERYTHING that is going on and why everything is being given/done.  Keep a journal, it may not feel like it now...but you will want to remember this part of your daughter's story.  Take pictures.  Ask to help with cares (taking the temperature, changing diapers, ect).  This helped us feel involved.  If you are pumping, ask to pump by the isolette.  Even if your daughter needs phototherapy, there is a blanket they can use so you can hold her for short periods.  DEFINITELY ask to do kangaroo care - it was the best part of my NICU experience (aside from the first time I was able to nurse).  Kangaroo care is great for baby and great for you.  Good luck and congrats!!!  

Cst2CstBride

missgooseyface:

There is no right or wrong answer to this.  You have to do what works for you and your mental sanity.  For me, I needed to be there all day..but many have said they would  have gone crazy doing that.  It is all about finding your own comfort level.  Don't worry about being in the way or anything like that.  Our NICU nurses encouraged us to be there as much as we were able/comfortable.  Definitely ask what time the Dr's do their rounds in the morning...I liked to be there to hear her progress, the plan for the day and to ask any questions I had.  Write down your questions as you think of them so you don't forget when the Drs are there (but the nurses were always able to get a Dr for me if I had a question).  Don't be afraid to ask...even if you think it might be a stupid question, this is YOUR child and you have a right to know EVERYTHING that is going on and why everything is being given/done.  Keep a journal, it may not feel like it now...but you will want to remember this part of your daughter's story.  Take pictures.  Ask to help with cares (taking the temperature, changing diapers, ect).  This helped us feel involved.  If you are pumping, ask to pump by the isolette.  Even if your daughter needs phototherapy, there is a blanket they can use so you can hold her for short periods.  DEFINITELY ask to do kangaroo care - it was the best part of my NICU experience (aside from the first time I was able to nurse).  Kangaroo care is great for baby and great for you.  Good luck and congrats!!!  

This. There is no right or wrong it is what works for you. DD was born at 27 weeks and was in the NICU for 79 days. I lived 15 min away so I would go 2-3 times a day and spend about 3 hours per visit.  In the beginning, I was only able to hold her 2x a day so I went 2x a day. I did everything I was able to do- hold her, diaper, temp, but for me, it didn't make sense to sit and stare at her in her isolette and not be able to do anything else.  I know that for some people it is comforting, but for me, it wasn't.  I was still really sick the first few weeks and needed to be resting ( DD was born via emergency c-section due to severe Preeclampsia w/HELLP).  I also lost my vision for about a week after delivery and it took 3-4 weeks to mostly come back.  I needed to have breaks where I could be at home and rest and deal with the emotional mess of her delivery.

There were other parents who were there all.the.time. For them it worked, for me it wouldn't have. I did feel guilty about not wanting to be there more, but decided that I needed to take care of myself to be able to be available to her. 

As your baby gets older you will be able to do more.  We read to her, dressed her (my mom made micro preemie clothes, so she had lots of options), bathed her, and held her for hours when she was out of the isolette.  I also worked with the LCs when she was able to start recreational BF and real BF.  H kept a blog and took tons of pics.  It was a great way to update family and friends and it gave him a "job".  I usually hogged most of her holding time when she was really little, so taking photos and writing about our experience was his way to be involved. It is so nice to have now, especially the early entries.  I don't remember a lot of details from that first week, so having a recorded account was great.

Good luck to you and your DD. 

starrdiva211

Congratulations on your baby girl and welcome to the board.

As previous posters have stated, there is not right or wrong answer. You have to do what works best for you. 

  

Brummy14

I'm only 2 weeks into this -- and still trying to figure out what works best, but now that I can drive myself, I do go every day -- for around 2 hours or so. I'm pumping every two hours since my supply has been lower than ideal from the get-go -- and I'm not super comfortable pumping in the hospital (although I do at least 1x/day) -- and being around the isolettes doing that stresses me out -- between the heart decels and apnea spells and all the monitors beeping, I'm usually fighting my stress level the entire time I'm there. I kangaroo one of them for 60-90 minutes each day -- which I LOVE, but still stresses me out every time they forget to breathe

In addition, the pumping schedule allows me around 5-6 hours of sleep at night, so I come back early enough in the afternoon to try to sneak in another nap between pumping sessions/before dinner.

I'm sure this will change once we're into the bottle feeding and/or attempts at breastfeeding stage -- but for now, this seems to be the best approach for my own sanity. We've got a long way to go -- but like PPs have all said -- you need to find out what works best for you -- both logistically and emotionally. 

T&Ps for a quick and uneventful NICU stay! 

Cst2CstBride

Brummy14:

I'm only 2 weeks into this and still trying to figure out what works best, but now that I can drive myself, I do go every day for around 2 hours or so. I'm pumping every two hours since my supply has been lower than ideal from the getgo and I'm not super comfortable pumping in the hospital although I do at least 1x/day and being around the isolettes doing that stresses me out between the heart decels and apnea spells and all the monitors beeping, I'm usually fighting my stress level the entire time I'm there. I kangaroo one of them for 6090 minutes each day which I LOVE, but still stresses me out every time they forget to breathe :/In addition, the pumping schedule allows me around 56 hours of sleep at night, so I come back early enough in the afternoon to try to sneak in another nap between pumping sessions/before dinner. I'm sure this will change once we're into the bottle feeding and/or attempts at breastfeeding stage but for now, this seems to be the best approach for my own sanity. We've got a long way to go but like PPs have all said you need to find out what works best for you both logistically and emotionally.nbsp;Tamp;Ps for a quick and uneventful NICU stay!nbsp;

Do you use a nursing cover when you pump at her bedside? I didn't in the beginning because they put curtains around me but after an awful night everything/everyone was loud, family of neighbor baby kept moving into curtained area, bright lights and over active monitors where I was stressed to tears, I started using a cover. It made such a difference. Most of the other moms didn't, but for me it took so much of the stress away just knowing that I was covered. Maybe that would help?

MeggM1

Cst2CstBride:

Brummy14:

I'm only 2 weeks into this and still trying to figure out what works best, but now that I can drive myself, I do go every day for around 2 hours or so. I'm pumping every two hours since my supply has been lower than ideal from the getgo and I'm not super comfortable pumping in the hospital although I do at least 1x/day and being around the isolettes doing that stresses me out between the heart decels and apnea spells and all the monitors beeping, I'm usually fighting my stress level the entire time I'm there. I kangaroo one of them for 6090 minutes each day which I LOVE, but still stresses me out every time they forget to breathe :/In addition, the pumping schedule allows me around 56 hours of sleep at night, so I come back early enough in the afternoon to try to sneak in another nap between pumping sessions/before dinner. I'm sure this will change once we're into the bottle feeding and/or attempts at breastfeeding stage but for now, this seems to be the best approach for my own sanity. We've got a long way to go but like PPs have all said you need to find out what works best for you both logistically and emotionally.nbsp;Tamp;Ps for a quick and uneventful NICU stay!nbsp;

Do you use a nursing cover when you pump at her bedside? I didn't in the beginning because they put curtains around me but after an awful night everything/everyone was loud, family of neighbor baby kept moving into curtained area, bright lights and over active monitors where I was stressed to tears, I started using a cover. It made such a difference. Most of the other moms didn't, but for me it took so much of the stress away just knowing that I was covered. Maybe that would help?

I second the above advice. I had serious modesty issues after being splayed out during the delivery and it was hard at first, but with a hands-free pumping bra and a Hooter Hider (and screens when they were available) I found the confidence to pump at my son's bedside and it made a world of difference in my supply and helped bond with him to be with him while pumping. I know it's not for everyone and understand pumping at home (I EP'd for almost a year and only pumped outside of my home for work or travel and never if anyone was in the room besides DH or DS - including my mom) but it helped me feel more at home in the NICU in some ways. Cover and a hands free bra are a must for any pumping preemie mom, IMO. Sorry to go off there!