***Loss Check-In***

Mrs Nice

Hello Ladies,Welcome to our Thursday Check-In! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?QOTW: How do you plan on spending Thanksgiving this year?Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

starburst0928

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

I haven't taken any specific steps. It's just one week later, and somehow it gets a little bit easier with each passing day. No major steps back this week either! 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

Run at least a mile a day to help lose weight in addition to what I'm already doing. I'm obsessed with losing weight so we can have another baby, so I feel like in doing it for Bradley (I want to give him a little sibling to look after and come play with on earth). I'm not overweight, just out of shape, so I plan to slowly increase my distance and speed. 

QOTW: How do you plan on spending Thanksgiving this year?

Ughhh, no idea yet... 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

How unfair it is to Bradley that he never got to live outside of me. I've just been very angry in general about how he passed. I hope I don't stay in the angry stage of grief too much longer... I've already been here a lot!

Artemis0685

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?  We went to go see my doctor yesterday, he wanted to see me and see how we were doing emotionally and hopefully answer any questions we may have. He talked to me about what steps he would take with a future pregnancy and pretty much I would be in his office a lot more than normal and he would induce me at 37 weeks. Cord accident is something hard to prevent but it is very rare, so he would just monitor baby a lot more. We have decided that we want to try again soon, maybe start in March.

We also went to a Christian store and purchased a few very cute memorial things for him and we also bought his first and only christmas ornament. Every year we buy the girls 1 ornament, so this year we bought his "baby's 1st xmas" ornament too. Doing this was very nice and it brought a smile to my face

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I haven't set a goal for myself just yet. His funeral is going to be most likely on Monday and I know that day is going to be extremely hard for me, and I'm very nervous about it. I pray that I can be strong for my girls on that day, I don't want them to see me have an emotional break down. I'm looking forward to the days after Monday because I know that he's in his spot and not in a hospital somewhere. I want him to be put to rest and have a place where we can go visit him and spend time with him.

QOTW: How do you plan on spending Thanksgiving this year? Plans before this were going to be dinner at my mom's house with just close family, so the plans have not changed.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I miss him so much!!! I want to hold him again and kiss him and smell him and tell him how much I love him!!!! I pray that God is doing those things for me up in heaven.

lolee465

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? No, we had a family wedding last weekend and I was proud of myself (and DH) for getting through it.

 What is the next goal you have set for yourself? I just want to get through the holidays. I've been thinking of what I can get to put at Jillian's grave...it's a goal for me because I wasn't planning on acknowledging the holidays at all this year.

 Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Not really, I'm just hoping to get through it without any major breakdowns- in front of anyone at least.

 QOTW: How do you plan on spending Thanksgiving this year? We were going to go away, but I think we might just do our regular...go to my family and DH's. I'm dreading it! In his family there are 2 newborns and my family has 1 newborn. DH said he's do whatever I wanted to do, but I know he wants to get this out of the way and just go...so I will.

 Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Jillian, I miss her so so much! And we're just starting our TTCAL journey, we're hopeful but so scared.

jbranden12

starburst0928:

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

How unfair it is to Bradley that he never got to live outside of me. I've just been very angry in general about how he passed. I hope I don't stay in the angry stage of grief too much longer... I've already been here a lot!

I totally get this. And I will tell you that for me, it comes and goes. Even 7.5 months out, I still have days where I am just so angry that Patricia didn't get a chance. I even have days where I think it would be better to go into PTL with my rainbow so that she can at least get a chance, even if she has to spend time in the nicu. OF COURSE I don't really wish for that, it's just misdirected anger.  

jbranden12

Artemis0685:

His funeral is going to be most likely on Monday and I know that day is going to be extremely hard for me, and I'm very nervous about it. I pray that I can be strong for my girls on that day, I don't want them to see me have an emotional break down. I'm looking forward to the days after Monday because I know that he's in his spot and not in a hospital somewhere. I want him to be put to rest and have a place where we can go visit him and spend time with him.

((HUGS)) Will be thinking of you and your precious David on Monday. I understand wanting him to be settled in his place.

jbranden12

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?We had our last grief counseling session on Monday. We are not done grieving of course, but I think DH and I are in a good place where we can support each other. We have been able to do this off and on for the last 7.5 months, but there were times when we were grieving in separate ways and it was nice to have the counselor. 
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?No goals on the horizon. Just taking it day by day, trying to do what I can to be healthy and keep my important relationships strong. 
QOTW: How do you plan on spending Thanksgiving this year?We will be going to my parent's house for a small family celebration. We don't have much family around because both my parents relocated here so I am the youngest. I am super thankful that my big bro is a workaholic bachelor so there are no nieces or nephews on the horizon for a looong time.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?*rainbow mentioned* I have been thinking about Patricia a lot this week since we found out we are having another girl. I am hopeful that we will get to bring this one home, but I am afraid that every special moment we have with her will just remind us of what we are missing with Patricia. I am just really sad.

OSUWifey09

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Not really. I've been really emotional this week - with Thanksgiving just around the corner and Devon's three-month Angelversary this upcoming Monday, I'm a little bit of a mess.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I just need to balance myself out again. I feel like I'm drowning in grief again, and I need to stay afloat.
QOTW: How do you plan on spending Thanksgiving this year? I'm going to my parents' house, blocking out social media, eating lots of food and watching football. I just want to block the world out until I get through it.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Everything. TTC [we can start trying again on Tuesday], things going on with my son, things going on with my husband, the holidays...I'm just in a tough spot emotionally right now. Blah.

meli1025

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

This week I went back to work, I'm considering that a HUGE step.  I also went to a big meeting this morning and saw my boss for the first time (we work at two different sites) since my loss and that was a big deal too.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I really need to contact my company's employee assistance program and find a therapist.  I plan to call before the end of this week. 

QOTW: How do you plan on spending Thanksgiving this year?

We are going to my Dad's house so it will just be dh, ds, me and my dad and step-mom.  Oh, and our dog and their dog.  Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday but this year I am so depressed I just hope I can make it through the day.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Just how life is going on in general, that I need to keep moving forward.  I'm wishing away the rest of this year so that in January we can start TTC.  I wish I could wake up and 2012 was over.  This has by far been the worst year of my life after losing our daughter, dealing with the hurricane, my 98 year old grandma is hanging on by a thread, my MIL battling breast cancer.  I'm just SO DONE with 2012. 

karebear57

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?I actually feel like I've gone backward. I have been so weepy and crappy and stuff lately and I don't know why. I thought I was doing better. 
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?Just getting through this first set of holidays. She'd be 10 months for thanksgiving, 11 months for christmas. 
QOTW: How do you plan on spending Thanksgiving this year?Thursday we'll be at home stuck with his parents (as they live with us STILL) and have our dinner. Next sat. we'll be going to my sisters and BIL's for a 2nd dinner. 
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?How much I really miss Bri. How it just doesn't feel real that I had her. 

Cincy/Toronto

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

I had my L&D nurse over for lunch yesterday. We found out we only live 10 min from eachother. I had my 6 wk PP checkup last Monday and got to talk to our Dr. who didn't make it in time for my emergancy CS. We got to ask him questions but he wasn't there except to sew me up, so he didn't have first-hand knowledge about most everything. It was nice to talk to her and ask questions and say things that I have kept to myself. It was the last bit of some type of closure I will have.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

Following through on my other promises to Lillian about seeing a Chiropractor, going to a Dermatologist to get some moles removed and lastly taking the step to actually look into counseling for her Father and I instead of talking about it and knowing that we need to go.

QOTW: How do you plan on spending Thanksgiving this year?

At our house with our 10 yr. old. we've talked about going to see a movie. Lillian would have been 8 weeks on Thanksgiving and her 8 week Angelversary is on Black Friday, so they will be very hard...She's just 7 weeks today...at 4:12 pm

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Everything. I'm cutting down my pumping from 3 to 2 times a day and then next week it will most likely be one time per day so I can be done when I go back to work the Monday after Thanksgiving. I feel guilty for stopping and have thought about just pumping before and after work. Hell, I felt guilty as soon as I started taking a pumping away. Here I am, making all this milk with no baby to give it to and there are babies out there that I can help, possibly save and I'm looking to dry it up. It's been a very tough internal struggle, one that I haven't told Lillian's father about. He wasn't happy with me for stopping my allergy meds and not taking any vicodin after my C-section because I was donating and I dont feel like he would be sensitive to this struggle. It also makes me sad because once I do stop pumping and have no more milk, it's the last thing my body has left that connects me to her. I just got my first period in 11 months last night and I still can't put those feelings into words.

jess123456

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?I finally got the courage to attend a local support group and wow I am so glad that I did. It is such a supportive place with other loss moms and dads who get it. It was nice to be able to get a hug in real life from others who sadly understand the same pain. 
I also had a sono-hystogram today and everything looked great according to my doctor which is hopeful for the future but scary as hell. It was so sad to see an empty uterus  What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?Lose weight and eat healthy. DH and I are headed to Jamaica next month and the idea of me sitting in a bathing suit on the beach is scary at my current weight but I will get there.   QOTW: How do you plan on spending Thanksgiving this year?We are headed out of state for a big family Thanksgiving celebration. It is always lots of fun so I am actually looking forward to it. The bitter side of me says that I shouldn't be thankful for anything but the hopeful side of me says that I am thankful that my daughter came into my life this year. 
 Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?  How much I am dreading Christmas this year. I had envisioned being very pregnant at Christmas and getting gifts for my daughter but instead I will visit her grave. That makes me sad and angry  

tuscanbride2007

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?I finally had the talk with DH about not wanting BIL, SIL and new baby to stay at our house for Thanksgiving and Christmas (they live 3 hours away and usually stay with us for the holidays). It went better than expected and we both were able to voice concerns. I think we understand where each other is coming from a bit better.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
Just making it through Thanksgiving is going to be a feat! My new niece will be present and I don't know how I am going to handle that. She was smaller than Annabelle was when she was born a few weeks ago, so there is a good chance that she might be around the same size that Annabelle was when she was born. That freaks me out a bit. The day was going to be hard enough, now I have to figure out how to deal with a newborn (that is not mine). QOTW: How do you plan on spending Thanksgiving this year?See above.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?How to cope with the holidays without my little girl!

jess123456

rsigler:

Jess123456: I'm so glad to hear you were able to attend the support group and enjoyed it! I know I've said it before, but going to our support group was the single best decision I've made since losing Virginia.

Are you going to Jamaica over Christmas??? We will be there 12/23 thru 12/27. We decided to do something totally different and get away this year. I am really looking forward to it!

The group was great. It was definitely overwhelming and sad but it is incredible how much support and comfort they have brought me already.

We come back from Jamaica the day before you get there. I will save some sun for you :

kikibelle

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?I think I took a step back this week. Yesterday was the anniversary of my first and so far only BFP. Back then, I knew that the pregnancy might not stick, but I had no idea that it would end in stillbirth.  What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?Get through this week at work (it's a very busy week) and then get through Thanksgiving.QOTW: How do you plan on spending Thanksgiving this year?My family is coming from out of town for a few days. DH and I have hosted Thanksgiving for the past few years, and decided to do it again this year. I'm not making traditional food, though. For a change, I'm going to do spaghetti and homemade meatballs.  Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?I've been more sad/angry about losing Julian lately. Also feeling anxious about getting pregnant again. I'm not a very patient person when it comes to TTC.

jrebele

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?  Not holding back anymore on letting people know when things they do or say upset me.  Holding it inside just makes me more upset and it has made it harder to heal.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?  No new goals this week other than to get through Thanksgiving.

QOTW: How do you plan on spending Thanksgiving this year?  We will be going to my aunt's house.  We have been going back and forth but I don't want to minimize or take away from Eva's firsts just because her twin sister isn't heretofore celebrate with us. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?  The holidays - I had envisioned celebrating them much differently than we will be celebrating.  It is difficult because with everything that is going on my brother will be leaving for Afghanistan as well which doesn't put my parents or I in the holiday spirit to begin with putting aside everything that has happened in the last two months.

Bayberry12

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Nothing major, just trying to get back on some kind of schedule, and trying to get out of the house at least once a day.  I had started to get lazy and was just staying home a lot.

I had been avoiding seeing neighbors, and really avoided walking by a store at the end of my street.  I used to walk by it everyday on my way to work and became friendly with the guys that work there.  So, I have been afraid to see them and have them ask about the baby.  Well I just sucked it up one day and walked right by it, of course one guy was standing outside and when he asked, I had to tell him Stella didn't make it.  I saw the other guy yesterday, and when I walked by he just said hello, didn't ask me how I was or say I'm sorry.  Well, at least I don't have to avoid that side of the street anymore.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I don't really have any solid goals set.  Just get through everyday. 

QOTW: How do you plan on spending Thanksgiving this year?

DH and I are spending the day at home together.  We usually spend it with family, but this year I am not up for it.  We have never made a Thanksgiving dinner here, so this should be interesting.  I think I may just order dinner ready made and ready heat up, I don't really feel like cooking and working hard on a dinner for just the two of us...I do that everyday. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

So many things, but mostly missing Stella so much, and wishing she was here.  I have been very emotional lately.