Lost my verbal filter...

jrebele

Has anyone else found that they don't hold back on what they say anymore post loss?  I find myself not having my normal filter on and just speaking my mind.  It hurts me more to put on a happy face and pretend everything is great just to put other people at ease.  I'm not doing ok.  I'm not happy all the time.  I lost a child and am struggling.  I don't feel guilty either if I upset you.  Has anyone else lost their verbal filter?  

starburst0928

I haven't lost my verbal filter with everyone, but some people yes. I think it's normal. We are going through something horrible that makes us put a lot of things in perspective. 

I'm sick of people asking me how it's going. I know it's a normal conversation starter and they would ask me even if I didn't lose my son, but still, I want to scream. I feel obligated to say good... I've recently stopped caring (losing my filter) and now I respond with  'it's going'.

weddedwife

Definitely one of the things that has changed about me since my loss. I don't care what people think anymore. I used the "it's going" line a lot too. I got so sick of people asking "how are you?" I know they were just trying to be caring, but really? How do you think I'm doing??

DH has definitely lost his filter. He just says whatever he wants now; it's actually rather entertaining sometimes.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

I never had much of one to begin with and now I really don't.  I sometimes feel that it's my right.

OSUWifey09

I still have my filter, but it's a lot harder for me to be PC all the time. I also think that it's my right to not keep my mouth shut on things, which I know probably isn't the healthiest thing in the world to be thinking.

I have definitely become more short when people either say things I don't agree with, especially when it comes to my nearly 4-year-old. We've had some behavioral and social issues with him this year, which some of his teachers at daycare have chalked up to some sort of autism. I've nipped that in the bud - rather rudely - real quick. I'm not as "everything is puppies and rainbows" as I used to be.

jbranden12

I still censor myself a lot (like when I want to scream at naive people or people who say stupid things) because I know usually they just don't know better and I'm just jealous.

However, I did/do feel a sense of "my baby died so I should be able to do do and say whatever I want and you just have to deal with it." So I don't feel too guilty when I let something slip.

Cincy/Toronto

rsigler:

I tried to slap ...

I only got that far into your post and I perked up and started smiling because I thought you actually tried to slap someone! LOL and I cheered for you..in fact I'm still chuckling about that.

I guess I haven't really been tested yet. I go back to work the Monday after Thanksgiving and most, if not all of them know in my office, but I do have to work with people all over the country on a daily basis and I"m not sure if they all are aware. I'm sure I will have to let some people know. My biggest concern is now dealing with the stress of my job. I'm in the Accounting/Finance department of my company and I am the only one who does what I do for our world wide company. I will be starting back at month-end time and it's always very stressful wrapping up invoicing for the month as sales people want to hit their numbers and we are going through our annual audit and then there's the close that the bank requires. I know I'm going to snap at someone...bite their head off and spit it back out and this is what worries me the most. I feel like telling people, "Don't give me consessions becaue my daughter has died, own up to the fact that you are being an ass-hat in the first place and we wouldn't have these issues!" and that doesn't just apply to work, that goes for anyone.

karebear57

I lost mine too. I don't care what everybody thinks anymore. If they don't like it, they can go away!

Sweet&Salty11

OSUWifey09:

I still have my filter, but it's a lot harder for me to be PC all the time. I also think that it's my right to not keep my mouth shut on things, which I know probably isn't the healthiest thing in the world to be thinking.

I have definitely become more short when people either say things I don't agree with, especially when it comes to my nearly 4-year-old. We've had some behavioral and social issues with him this year, which some of his teachers at daycare have chalked up to some sort of autism. I've nipped that in the bud - rather rudely - real quick. I'm not as "everything is puppies and rainbows" as I used to be.

This! I did speak my mind for the first couple months and it was helpful/liberating. This month, I've started saying more in my head and less out loud. Part of that is because I'm back at work and would really appreciate not getting fired for screaming at someone. 

Sweet&Salty11

rsigler:

I tried to slap a smile on my face and smile and nod when people said things that were insensitive and hurtful. But I found that doing that required way too much mental energy that I just don't have. I didn't have much of a filter to begin with, and I know how easy it is for me to snap lately. So I try to be conscious of how I'm feeling and remove myself from situations and people that piss me off, but that doesn't always happen. And ya know what? I don't really care anymore. It's all about self preservation at this point. I'm not out to hurt anyone's feelings, but if that happens, I'm not too worried about it. I think it's frankly BS that people are applauded for handling their grief with "grace"; to me that negates the individual grieving process. Not everyone is able to do that, and that's ok.

Love everything you've written here.