Invitation Question

lynnluna

I have four hostesses planning my baby shower. The one doing the inviations called and asked if she could use my name/email/phone number for the RSVP. She only uses her work email and doesn't think she'll check it or keep up with RSVPs. Although, there are three other hostesses, it doesn't seem like listing any of them is practical. One works nights and doesn't have internet at home. Another of them is also pregnant and quite far along... She has that pregnant lady brain fog and is in overload right now. The other one is my sister-in-law who I've been fighting with pretty much non-stop and I wish she wasn't even participating (long story.) So what's the most appropriate thing to do? Use my info for the "RSVP Regrets Only..." or leave it off entirely? What do you think?

Lferr417

Use the one who is doing the invitations as regrets only- that way it doesnt matter if she doesnt check it every day etc and not as much upkeep for RSVPs...

 Im no subject matter expert here like some of these ladies- but definitely putting yourself as the RSVP would be weird to me..!! Normally you RSVP to a host- and since your not hosting...

 

526SadieSadie

I agree with the Regrets Only suggestion - or maybe that friend could create an email account just for RSVPs and make sure she checks it every other day?  You could have the password to the account too so you can check it and guests wouldn't know you can see their responses.

wittyschaffy

The shower is being thrown by 4 grown women and not one of them is responsible enough to keep track of the RSVPs and think it makes sense to ask the party honoree to do it?  That is super strange to me.  

The person who asked can set up a free gmail account for this and look at it once if she wants.  When the party is done, she can delete the account.  Tracking RSVPs is really not that big of a deal.  

lynnluna

Thanks for your advice ladies. I just spoke to the hostess in charge of the invitations. She basically refused to take responsibility for the RSVPs. She apparently only uses the internet at work and said she can;t do it by email because she is working. She also said that her voicemail on her phone doesn't work. I'm not sure how true that is but the bottom line is that she isn't going to do it. She also just informed me that she is planning on putting my name and address on the envelope as the return address! Ugh... Why did she insist on being the one to handle the invitations if she didn't want the entire responsibility?!? The email address just for RSVPs is a good idea. Maybe we could just leave the name off and only put the email address? That still doesn't solve the return address problem though...

526SadieSadie

Omfg, that's annoying.  Who only uses the internet at work and who doesn't have voicemail?  That would piss me off.

Ask her to put her own name on the invites with the e-mail address and set up the address under her name and check it yourself, or ask one of the other girls to do it.  It's completely ridiculous that they'd say yes to planning, hosting and paying for a shower but not do something as simple as maintain a list of RSVP's

FFS, put my name on the invitation, I'll take care of it for you!!

lynnluna

I'm glad I'm not alone in my feelings about this! It is ridiculous. In fact, planning the entire shower has been like this. I had to stop myself from telling them to forget the entire thing on more than one occasion... mostly because of my sister-in-law who has yelled at me and made it clear she just feels obligated to do it (she is also friends with the other three hostesses.) Anyway, back to the RSVP subject. I've tried to call the other two hostesses but not the sister-in-law. I can't get a hold of one and the other said it shouldn't matter and I should just do it myself. She clearly didn't want to do it and didn't offer. She is the one who is also pregnant. She's having her second child, isn't happy about it and had been saying she didn't care about having a shower. Then a couple of days ago, during a meeting to plan my shower, she announces that she's decided to have a shower for herself the day after mine. She is hosting it for herself and doing her own invitations and doesn't understand what my problem is! They are already very late sending out the invitations and hostess #1 is tried to get them done today. I guess I'm just going to have to create an email address and tell her to put it on the invitation. I still don't know what to do about the return address.

 

wittyschaffy

Good gracious.  Tell her if she can't put her big girl pants on and put her own address on the return line, to just leave it off entirely.  The only spot your name or contact info should show up is under the line "in honor of ".

lynnluna

Well, I feel like I got backed into a corner on this... I created an email address, like many people suggested. I just emailed her and told her to just put rsvp regrets only to that email address, to leave my phone number off and to leave the return address off the envelope. She hasn't responded. I have no idea what she'll think, but I didn't know what else to do. I feel like I've been confronted with one inappropriate thing after another. Originally, the hostess handling the invitations and my sister-in-law wanted to have a wild keg-party type baby shower for me that none of my family (including my mother) would be welcome at. They basically just wanted to invite all their friends and some on mu husbands family. They even had the nerve to talk about smoking pot at my baby shower. Seriously... Does that sound like a party you would give a pregnant woman as a gift?!? Luckily, I had the other two hostesses involved who knew that was 100% inappropriate. Still it has created a very uncomfortable dynamic. My sister-in-law and are basically not speaking. She's made me cry twice. Now she's telling the other hostesses that I'm mean to her and they'll have to talk to me on her behalf. I feel like I'm in the middle of someone playing a mean joke on me!

lynnluna

Yes, these grown women actually said that, and one of them is almost 50 years old. However, they were not joking. They seriously wanted to throw me a party like that... TOTAL NIGHTMARE! They got upset and said I was trying to control the shower and said I didn't get to make any decisions... Seriously. I'm such a b*tch for not wanting to sit in their cloud of pot smoke and watch them get wasted?!? I'm crazy to expect a normal shower that I can take my mother to?!? Luckily the other two hostesses were very supportive and helped me out of that situation. Still, every step has been stress, stress, stress...

526SadieSadie

The two other hostesses can't be all that supportive if they refuse to keep track of who's RSVPing!  Absolutely ridic.

 

lynnluna

You're right! It's just a simple formality. I don't understand why they act like I'm expecting them to walk on water...lol! I appreciate everyone's support and good ideas. At least I feel better having others acknowledge that I'm not overreacting or expecting too much!

grangerize

Hi, I didn't read all of the other responses very thoroughly, but I have hosted showers before and have done a shower RSVP email of like "Kelly's.babyshowergmail.com". You could set up an account like this so that way no one will know that you are the one checking the rsvps!

grangerize

Also, that is super annoying of the hostesses... even if you don't have internet connection, who doesn't have a phone?!

duffmaker

Lferr417:

Use the one who is doing the invitations as regrets only- that way it doesnt matter if she doesnt check it every day etc and not as much upkeep for RSVPs...

 Im no subject matter expert here like some of these ladies- but definitely putting yourself as the RSVP would be weird to me..!! Normally you RSVP to a host- and since your not hosting...

 

This exactly

Disneygeek77

Dude, you need some new friends.  Preferably ones that aren't dumbasses.

Is this your only shower ?  Could your mom handle RSVPs?  Maybe a trusted Aunt or cousin ?